AkImA No NiKkI

It sounds a lot like crazy talk and a bit philosophical but it is what just passed through my blank mind few seconds ago.I was reading a Drarry fanfic when Harry said something about Draco's color being blue . Admittedly,he just said that he looked beautiful (when is Draco not??) in blue and the words somehow flashed into my mind,reworded itself into..well,this. I've heard some psycho psychiatrist (most psychiatrist are psychos because as the proverb says,it takes one to know one) said that before, "Everyone has a color of their own." .I played with the concept for a while and abruptly decided that mine would be black . Hollow,void,endless black . Maybe it's a description of what I feel right now instead of my whole self but the statement stands.I suppose I feel pretty much nothing by now. I don't remember the last time I had spend some time with an acquaintance though for what reason I could not fathom (spending time with an acquaintance that is.) .

I need more books. Things I do for fun have been reduced to surfing the freaking Internet and while it is fun most of the time,I want to read real books. One you can touch,smell,feel. Reading online isn't as fun.Or as experienced. Don't book fairies exist or something? The kind that would help poor lonely people that ran out of books to read? Gah. Yeah the books in my room could still be good for more re-read but reliving the same story you knew by heart is boring. Although...You know what? The books and I could use some time to re-bond.Maybe The Inquisitor,or The Bloodprint,or some others. Also,I am never reading Creepypasta ever again.

Yeah,it's my birthday. Happy birthday to me!  I wanted to wake up early and give Mom and Dad a kiss for this special day especially Mom but they left early and I was too groggy from sleep to be conscious. My stomach kinda hurts and I went back to sleep after I locked the door.I vaguely remember the sounds of the show Wizards Vs Aliens and the Mystery Inc. from the TV as I drifted on and off in my sleep. Scott Haran was inevitably cute.Hahaha~ Well,seeing as I'm officially 18 now - not that it makes any difference,it's just a number,I guess - I suppose I had nothing more to expect. So,once again,happy bloody birthday to me.

I suppose it wasn't wise to read horror stories late at night but in my defense,it was tagged as humor and the title was almost the same as the one Ryan Higa vlogged on YouTube.The 'Things Not To Do In A Horror Movie' one. And also in my defense,most normal people are normal to get scared when they're alone reading horror thingies and despite I'm not as normal as everyone else,I'm still pretty close.To normal,I mean. And I shut the laptop very quick when I realized I was getting scared.Well,creeped.I'm not ashamed to admit that I get scared sometimes quite easily. Especially when I'm alone. I'm not ashamed about most things that people gets ashamed of others knowing,like embarrassing facts or moments or personal fears.Even if people know and tease me about it,I'd just blink dully and said, "So?" . Sometimes.There's a first for everything,right? The stories were in fact,funny and I laughed at a bit of them but still,the

Everything in here is off-records.Nothing I say or do can or will be held against me because of the medically proven unstable state of mind(and body).Basically saying,I'm on mood swings so yeah,I'm unstable so piss off haters,yeah? I couldn't sleep last night,damn I didn't mean to make the coffee that strong.I thought the effect wouldn't stay as long if I drink it earlier.Clearly wrong. I fussed and turned in my bed,shutting my eyes tightly as if it would somehow let me sleep.Finally,I opened them and sigh loudly.No shit,man. I stared at the ceiling,the windows,the mirror which was hugely scary in the dark due to many inceptions from horror stories and settled for a gaze at our beloved book rack.I love staring at it when I can't sleep.Every book I see makes my mind automatically tell their stories like bedtime stories you tell kids to go to sleep. Suddenly I heard popping sounds.One,two,three,four,five. My body went rigid at the immediate thought of int

I can write thriller. I can try writing horror. I can write angst at best and sadness even more. Self-hate.Self-harm.Families.Protectiveness.Fluff.Sometimes humor which I fail horribly.Just not one thing. Romance. I wrote romance before,in the pretense of another person and another life.They were failures and total rejects. Now I can't write them anymore.Won't even try. I've stopped believing. How can you write,something you don't believe?

I've ran out of books.And movies. I wanna watch non-romance shows.Concentrate on chores and driving lessons. Read somethingggg.... Period is so tiring. *sigh* YOU HAVE NO IDEA....

I just finished Hannibal and the second season will start this year.I suppose it's relatively new since it was out last year.I'll try for the movie next . I wonder has it come out. It's a crime psychology(of a psychopath-well,one in particular) so the conclusion about the whole thing can be discussed later but for now, Hannigram . Hannigram stands for the shipping of Hannibal Lecto r and Will Graham .And you know what? I don't see it.The spark.The chemistry.Anything.I don't see it. How in the world did this shipping exist? I mean,Hanny (I started calling him that "Hannibal"s too long) manipulated Will and framed him for the crimes HE did.He manipulated every one of them and he had the advantage of Will's unstable state of mind. No wonder he's a damn psychiatrist.And a psychopath.And a cannibal. Cannibalism is a process of eating one's own kind,like fish.Big fish eat small fish,yes? Under some drastic circumstances,it may be par

Among the many books we owned in our room,there's one book I stopped halfway and refused to continue. Kingdom Of Dreams by Judith McNaught . I bought it when the Librarian Committee made a trip to a book fair in KB a year ago.It was fairly big but the book ranges aren't much.A guiding teacher told me Judith is a good author and that I made a good choice,her daughter owned all sets of her books.I was excited to read it and on our way home on the bus,I opened the first page. At first it looks okay,the heroine was smart and stubborn,my kind of heroine and the hero was on the opposite team(it was dated during the war between King Henry and his cousin,with pilgrims and counts all that shit,way back before civilization.I think even Romeo and Juliet hadn't been born yet.) and was on the job of catching her and her half sister.It started okay and all,but then it spiraled down. When he started to fall for her charm and wit,I admired her not falling back because the guy f

It doesn't matter.I'm fine. Anything doesn't matter anymore.It's -this- is not angst or anything like that,I'm way over that now.Teenage thing doesn't suit me anymore.Isn't that's what growing up is about? Like clothes.You buy the ones that fits and over time,they won't anymore.You buy new clothes that fits you better. I guess I'm on my own now.Of course I've seen it coming,despite my strong belief that we'll always be together,that we will each move on with our lives.We make our own decisions now,what we want and what we could and should have. There's the easy decisions and the hard ones. Taking the easy way may seem a pathetic exit but it's awfully convenient.Wallowing is so troublesome and it's psychologically proven dangerous to mental and physical health.I've always preferred to quickly move on with things that upsets me. What's the use dragging it out,right? No use torturing yourself for no good reason.I

You know,at my age,most people would probably think it weird for me to still watch cartoons and anime because most of the time,people outgrew them. Like from the time you used to sleep with your teddy bear(or in my case,a large pillow) and when you grow up,you just don't.It seemed like a childish thing to do.But,there's nothing wrong with it,right? It's not like you're posing some society indecency or something.That would be taking off your shirt in the middle of the street. And yes,I still watch The Little Mermaid.Sue me. I mean,18 isn't much of an age to suddenly grow up into all the adult things which I really really hate but inexplicably will have to face someday.I admit that in the mornings I'm alone at home,I turn up the volume of the TV and switch to cartoons.Sometimes TV2,TV3,and now we even have NTV7. Forget about Astro because until Mia reaches at least 12 years old,there's no chance we're ever gonna have that in our home.By then,I&

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY NIK NUR SAFFWATI AZWA ~~!!! XDD Wow.Can't believe she's eighteen already.It seems almost yesterday that the three of us were entangled together on Qie's bed reading comics.So nostalgic. I still remember the very first day I set my eyes on her.The image of her standing by the balcony,so beautiful I was rendered speechless for a moment.I knew she was the new girl rumored through the senior groups. Watching her sad face made my heart twist uncomfortably and I did what I normally don't do with people.I talk to them. Till now,I'm still grateful for the day I struck a conversation with her.When I introduced her to Qie,how Qie grew to love her just as much as I do. We never spent a moment away from each other ever since.No matter that I transferred to my hometown,because it still feel like they are by my side. How we started to become a family of our own.She became my wife,and Qie became our daughter.I love them both so,so muc

That's not what I meant.Don't even go that way. I meant that in a less...condescending way.The benefits I mean is in the form of flirts.You know,the kind you used on picking up someone. God,I swear I read too much of these romance novels.It's kinda weird for me to read that a single person could just flirt with someone in a bar and take him/her home to get laid.It's....weird.Granted,I'm not a people-person. Kei and I started nothing more than classmates.It was nothing more than a sort of amusement for me when I watched him fighting with Sonoko on daily basis like cats and dogs.Sonoko was the only one I stick to because of the childhood days we shared and I was comfortable with her. Her fights with Kei provided me amusement other than my daily trip to the library.Even then,we never shared a word. Then,on one fateful hot day,we struck up a conversation,just because.It was recess,and we were the only ones in the class,oddly for the same reason.Lazy. I picked

Well,as my sister had so eloquently put it,it's wedding season.Not only for other people who have waited a certain date to attend a wedding whether as guests or bride/groom but for our few particular relatives as well. Congratulations for our dear Kak Tati , Abg long ,& Abg Cik ~~!!!! xDD Hope you guys will have an everlasting happy married life,sincerely from your lil' cuzzin,Una.(^V^) Wow.Can't believe they're all settling down already.It feels just like yesterday we were chatting and drinking tea at Tokwan's balcony during holidays.Time flies so fast,huh? Since most of the older cuzzins are tyin' up their knots,it's down to Onee-san's generations now.On our visit to Tokwan's house few days ago,our aunts and uncles had teased and inquired of Onee-san,Aten,and Kakak Tasnim of their own verifiable dates. Maybe it's pressurin' Onee-san a bit.She doesn't like to talk about her love life,see.I understand,what with her record,a