AkImA No NiKkI

Some secrets are made to never be revealed and brought to the grave. Or so we think. I think it depends on decisions we make. Humans are rarely constant beings after all. Two days ago, a slow realization came upon me. My mental state is no longer a secret, but has slowly starting to become just another information about me. I suppose it sort of snuck on me, when I allegedly speak of it to my roommate. Of course, it isn't relevant to people who are of not blood relations to me. Last night, after posting my last post, I called Kei. It's something I'm known to do every now and then. I reach out when I feel like I'll drown. Normal instinct, right? Being a survivor to the core and whatnot. His voice calms me, and I cried for real. We talked, and my depression dissipates for the moment. Since there were talks of his crushes, I began to think of my own feelings.  Admittedly, I do have this one crush at the moment, but. Rather than the secret of ...

Sometimes I think fast-reading could be a disadvantage at times.I mean,if I finish the books too fast I'm gonna be out of them in no time! (>x<") I finished P.Bosch's It's Not What It Looks Like two days after I got home from the festival and Jodi Picoult's The Storyteller later on.I'm down to Jodi's latest book, Lone Wolf and after that,no more! Gaaaahhh. *groans* I love P.Bosch's books. >3 They're so creative.I want to find his next book, Write Your Own Book that was released May 2013 I think.Not to give spoilers but M.E is really obvious.LOL I wonder what happened to Cass and Yo-Yoji after they graduated.Shall a new budding romance commence?? LOL (lol romance commence,M.E would've liked that.) And Jodi deserves her gold star winning awesome author award.Her books are marvellous ,I tell you.Based on family loyalties and the understanding of each role in every person's life,it almost feels like everything was happening...

I suppose it wasn't wise to read horror stories late at night but in my defense,it was tagged as humor and the title was almost the same as the one Ryan Higa vlogged on YouTube.The 'Things Not To Do In A Horror Movie' one. And also in my defense,most normal people are normal to get scared when they're alone reading horror thingies and despite I'm not as normal as everyone else,I'm still pretty close.To normal,I mean. And I shut the laptop very quick when I realized I was getting scared.Well,creeped.I'm not ashamed to admit that I get scared sometimes quite easily. Especially when I'm alone. I'm not ashamed about most things that people gets ashamed of others knowing,like embarrassing facts or moments or personal fears.Even if people know and tease me about it,I'd just blink dully and said, "So?" . Sometimes.There's a first for everything,right? The stories were in fact,funny and I laughed at a bit of them but still,the...

Stirred up feelings are the worst.You can't decide what is what and your decision could be entirely faulty to yourself and the people around you.It's all muddled up and I thought I'd gone through the worst of it all.There's always more,now,in the future. I know what's it's going to be. I can see the answers,and chance it's correct is boarding around 78%.Told you I'm a bit of psychic.Haha,kidding.Just that I can give a good guess. When I say that it's a disaster witing to happen...Well,it most likely is.I'm tired of waiting for him to pop out.I just want this to end so that we could go back to chatting animes like we used to. Just like Tony,I'm afraid that I would lose this thing,this friendship,this comfort we have.Yes,a little bit of rejection too but I'd known it was coming.He'd said it before.This one's entirely on me. Unlike *Hideki when we spent our childhood together being in each other's space 24/7 and growing ...

YATTTAAAAAA~!!!!! XDDDD ITS OVER ~!!! FINALLY OVER ~!!!!! XDDD SPM IS FINALLY OVER~!!!! XDDD I am now officially a free person~!!! X"D *sob*sob* so touching.... (TTwTT) The moment I've been waiting for all my sad sad highschool life..The end of it! XD  Can't believe its all over now..xD no more freaking addclasses..no more teachers..tho that one's likely to be missed .Can't say I won't miss having other people shoulder the burden over our petty problems. Hahaha~ xPP Besides,the teachers at SMK TM(1) are all very dedicated and loving persons,unlike most people who have the guts to call themselves 'educators' but were really only after the satisfaction of driving kids to live their life their way.Like leeches.Or parasites . Those teachers are the very reason we all get to answer our papers quite well,if I may say so.They earned our respect ,our loyalty ,and our love .For every single sensei that had taught me,thank you so much. Rahimah-s...

Okay,that is IT .I've had enough with these overgrown ridiculousness that disguises itself in the form of so-called LOVE .As Onee-san had been repeating herself for the last 15minutes and which I agreed ;we scorn everything there is about love. This is bullshit. I can't even have crushes anymore after this.I thought crushes were safe as long as they didn't come true and with that in mind,I never thought of an alternative if they ever do.Which is so fucking bullshit. Note to self: never grow feelings for those unrelated by blood. God I wish there're buttons for that and screw it if I sound very much like Tony right now because it's impossible for the guy to not rub off on me when I've been reading his fanfics with Captain freaking America aka Steve Rogers for at least a good couple of months now.Yes,I so very wish there's an 'OFF' button for these things. This is a mistake waiting to be done.A disaster waiting to be called. I shoul...

I have trust issues.Believe me,I do. Outside than family,the people I trust are those of who I'd let myself been seen plain and bared without the masks I use to protect me. That's why,I want to do this alone. Well,not entirely alone since I have God with me but I mean,alone without people who I have to use another 'me' for. It's easy outside when I can always turn into an alter ego because it's automatic when I step out of the house.It's also automatic around people. I don't think of doing it,I just do it out of instinct.Like a sea anemone would do when confronted by a tresspasser.They shut out. They were a great help and I appreciate it,but I'd rather not to have to be an alter ego inside my own house.It's already tiring that I have to do it outside,too. Onee-san trusts me. Maybe not much,but at least there's more than 0.01%.She worries,just like Mom,but her trust at the very least I wouldn't say overcome,but rather passes it...

I sent a few early preparations of something like a last will last night to few who I consider precious to me in my life.It was nothing big,just some sorry-s and all that.Maybe it was a reaction from something that Mom said. They're leaving for Hajji this Wednesday,leaving the house for me alone.Mukhlis and Mia will stay with my aunt,Muzakkir and Onee-san at their hostels. A friend will come and stay with me on school nights with her parents' consent and Onee-san will come home with the kids during weekends. hmmm..... Mom was dead worried about me staying home,even threatened to get me a freaking babysitter if I don't find someone to stay over with. Thank God I did. I'm okay with all this stuff,but watching Mom fusses over my safety kinda got me worried,too.The neighbourhood's not really that safe.I get why's she worried. Well,my house HAD been broken into,twice.And so did my neighbour,once.Though nobody got hurt,we did lose some valuables...

Few days ago,I re-watched SAO with Mukhlis.I have no intention of finishing it that instant since I could always re-watch it again another time. Somehow,watching Kirito again reminded me that one thought when I first watched SAO.My first thought of Kirito was "This guy sounds like Syaf." .Honestly,it was nothing more than a passing thought,but that was my first impression of Kirito. I've never equalized a character with a real person before.Even if I did,I couldn't remember.Mostly for references or comparison ,yeah,but equalize ? Being an otaku ,I have a line between the real world and the anime world .So that it won't get messed up.I like to keep things where they belong,the type that don't mix work with personal. Work is work,personal is personal . That way I can focus more and get them done efficiently. But to me,Syaf seems more of both. We met online.We became acquaintances based on pure passion for animes online.Though the texts we exchange in re...

Yoo~ Minna~ it's been so long~ and as always,I have the most awful sense of timing to post.LOL~ see,I'm in the middle of exam week. And I was just wondering 2 days ago of how long has it been since I last surfed the Internet.Considering I had quite some time to think about those mundane things while recovering.Ahh,recovering,by what I mean from sickness. I just got down with a fever few days ago.But I'm okay now.My system's antibodies fighting back.^^ I just finished reading Onee-san's posts that I've been missing out.Gee,Nee-san,you haven't taken a single word of my advices. *sigh* Of course,that's expected from you. I'm just a bit stricken that I've never heard any of this at home.And weirded out.Why would you think you're alone? You have lots of people loving you and accepting you for who you are yet you still chase those who had threw you aside. You know,for a 20 years old lady,you seem to be acting more like a 17 years old ...

During my stay at KB for 5 days,it was a lot of fun. XDD For the first 3 days of my stay at the PSPN Centre's hostel,I met Lyana , Anis and Wahyu . I met Lyana before,at the NILAM district competition and she was glad to see that someone she knew ended up there with her. 3 days together at the hostel seemed like we've known for a month.Hahaha~ I suppose being together 24-hours does that to you.  After I won 2nd place,I thought about staying a little longer,to have a chance to meet Qie,Wa and possibly Azer too.Plus,my classes were canceled for 2 days. It was a bit of an effort,to persuade Mom and Dad to let me stay,but it worked.My uncle lend me a place to stay for the night.^^ As it was,I met Qie. She was as lovely and cute as she had always been.She hasn't changed a bit. My princess . I got her to stay at my place for a fortnight,though it was a bit of a fight.She was never allowed to stay anywhere outside of her house,even to her granparents',so that com...

Initially,I'd like to write about that ghost I 'met' last night but it didn't matter now. xD Sword Art Online ,or known as SAO . [Kirito & Asuna] I think Syaf recommended it to me last year,or was it Guilty Crown ?  Wait,it's Guilty Crown ,right..Well,I hadn't got to it yet so maybe later.After another exam.hehe~ (=v=") I just finished my exam so I've got no homeworks nor any subjects to review.Which means plenty of time to fool around.Muahahahaha~ Just kiddin'.I've got at least just a few hours. Blargh . XPP I was strollin' through the usual manga website to see some new updates.I paused when I see the SAO 'completed' sign and I dunno what pushed me to do it,but what the heck,it seems like a great story. *shrug* Plus,the line is freakin' great at the moment. And yeah,I finished up to ep.10 in 5 hours.I've wanted to watch it a long time ago but forgotten due to hectic schedule. And it's time issue too. T...

My first post in 2013. Hey,y'all. I'm currently taking a break from homework. I'm doing my BM komsas pholio.*rolls eye* Well,I'm 17 this year.Aaand I suppose there's not much to say about that.The studies go on like usual and there isn't much changes than last year's. Except this year,my ex is my classmate.Bummer.(=____=)-o Akiko called me out about ignoring him in class.Well,what was I supposed to do,talk to him? About what,his dickness? He ignored me first so I'm practically innocent,okay? If he talks to me,I'll talk to him.Yeeesh,Akiko.(T^T") That piece of shit of school is driving me nuts.Stop with the political programs already and let us study in peace! We come to school to learn other stuff you morons not to participate in your stupid petty ridiculous politic schemes that had nothing to do with us. Stupid stupid stupid stupid politic adults. Just die already. Ahhh,I don't want to be an adult.(-____-)-o So troublesome. ...

Okay,I'm seriously freakin' out.With LOVE . FOR KLAINE !!!!! xDDDD Klainer 's on high here,so the usual, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ . FAIR WARNING .   I AM IN LOOOOOVVVEEEEE~~~!!!!! XDDDDD BLAINE ANDERSON AND KURT HUMMEL IS OBVIOUSLY THE CUTEST MOST AWESOMEST COUPLE IN DA WOORRLLLDDD~~~~~!!!! X333 Oh my God,it's like YunJae and the Cassiopeia and the perfection of love all over again!!  I cannot recall of the enormous time spent giggling like idiots everytime I stumble upon the most incredible fanfics.(ov0) I've just read a fanfic where Darren Criss (Blaine's actor) swapped his body with the real Blaine like that one episode in Supernatural. The author mentioned it in the fic but I didn't really get it.I only got Supernatural until season 4.Now's like,almost season 7 already! (0___o) Haha! If you're a close acquaintance of mine,then this is one side of me that you will see when I'm absolutely ecstatic. XDDD Jumping up ...

Hello people! xD I'm in a very super duper good mood lately,even with final exam's 'round the corner.xP Why?  Because Qie and Wa have been contacting me a lot lately! It was on one nite when I suddenly received Qie's message.And right when my mind flashed her name,too! LOLLL~~!! xDD Since then,we've been contacting each other on regular basis now~ x33 Now that I think of it,we haven't contacted each other at all this year.(=^=") But one sad news. Wa have got herself a BOYFRIEND .(O______o) *shock* Well,if I say I don't mind that's OBVIOUSLY a lie 'cause I DO mind. Tho Azer and Qie have assured me that the guy is nice and all,I couldn't bring myself to trust it. *sigh*  As long as she's happy and nothing bad happens to her,I guess that's the best I could hope for.  Besides,Qie's there and I relied on her to watch out for her "mother" . That made me feel better.Because Qie's twices violent than I a...

This is the second time this month I cried. I've been crying a lot lately,is it puberty?? Hahaha~ Well,I suppose it's normal.. I miss Wa and Qie and my guys. Wa and Qie especially . I write diaries,though not so often.I try my best to keep it up-to-date. Writing is a way for me to remember . The same way drawing is.Sometimes I draw incidents that I want to remember so that I won't forget.Like a picture. A photo. Sometimes it's just my wishes. When I read back that green diary Wa and Qie had bought for me 4 years ago,I couldn't help but cry. I've gotten the hang of crying alone now. It hurts,as usual,but it doesn't matter.I just want to cry,that's all. The happy memories,with Wa and Qie made me thought of them.I couldn't bother them now ,in the middle of the night. I knew how Qie's temper when disturbed from her sleep and Wa never keeps her phone near her when she goes to bed. Even after 4 years,I remember their habits as...