OFF BUTTON.Seriously.I wish.

Okay,that is IT.I've had enough with these overgrown ridiculousness that disguises itself in the form of so-called LOVE.As Onee-san had been repeating herself for the last 15minutes and which I agreed;we scorn everything there is about love.

This is bullshit.

I can't even have crushes anymore after this.I thought crushes were safe as long as they didn't come true and with that in mind,I never thought of an alternative if they ever do.Which is so fucking bullshit.
Note to self: never grow feelings for those unrelated by blood.
God I wish there're buttons for that and screw it if I sound very much like Tony right now because it's impossible for the guy to not rub off on me when I've been reading his fanfics with Captain freaking America aka Steve Rogers for at least a good couple of months now.Yes,I so very wish there's an 'OFF' button for these things.

This is a mistake waiting to be done.A disaster waiting to be called.
I should've known.I should've known dammit! But then again,I'm only human.I was more ecstatic on the similarities of what I've written to come true rather than the fact that he just asked if I had a crush on him.Yeah,crazy bibliophile on leash here so,no,not so normal situation.It's not every fucking day that something you wrote out of sheer imagination turned real the next fucking day like freaking bibidi-bobidi-boo in your face.
All those emotional roller-coasters I've read of Tony's can be put to good use to describe mine.This won't work.I'll screw up again,like before.
Because I already know his answer.
Why didn't I lie when I was supposed to? It was a good chance! I didn't have to,unnecessarily,spout truthful craps to him when he'd asked.If I'd lied then,there'd be a lot of hurt saving in the process and lots of feelings won't be involved and big chance that I'd cut us both some major pain in the ass.

I read our chats the last year and realized that this is a big,gigantic,mess waiting to explode and I just poked it with a goddamn needle.
This is going to turn bad.Really bad.If not worse.
Maybe I should do this Tony-way.Apologize for everything and go back to the way it was before.Pretend like nothing ever happened.Yeah.That sounds good.
Besides,it's unlikely he'll stop me.He might as well go along with it.I'll be doing us both a favor,really.

I won't lose this friendship.
I just...can't.



I'm done waiting.And I am most definitely done hoping.

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