AkImA No NiKkI

This has happened too many times to my liking. I can disregard it and turn the conversation to a more pleasing note but there's only so much a HUMAN can take. I can turn a blind eye because he's my supposedly best friend BUT BEST FRIENDS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE. And before you ask, yes, I am emotionally unstable. I don't get what he's pissed about. Just because I don't flirt with him anymore doesn't mean it has to be that way for us. He has a girlfriend now and I'm not comfortable doing that anymore. SO FOR FUCK'S SAKE GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT BEFORE YOU RAVE STUPID RIDICULOUS STUFF AT ME. I have explained to him EXTENSIVELY why and how I don't reciprocate his flirts anymore. I don't like it. I'm not comfortable, no matter what he or his girlfriend says. I AM NOT COMFORTABLE SO WOULD YOU GET THAT FUCKING INFO INTO YOUR HEAD AND RESPECT MY FUCKING COMFORT LINES PLEASE. Th

(Caution : Misleading titles) But then you're already reading the post so, too late! ha. No, my heart is not broken. Well, figuratively.  SPN season 10 is all the rage with SPN fans these days, considering the heartbreaking development revealed. Then again, isn't it always with SPN? *chuckle* I just read Onee-san's latest post about the breaking (title pun. badumm-tss ) national news regarding the Myanmar Rohingya refugees and what a *beep* Malaysia is with their lack of helping actions. I know, it's rare that I censor my cursing but I'm pretty sure I can't say the word or else I'll get banned for treason. LOL Haters be like, "ya don't like it get outta this country bitch" and I'll be like, "yeah cuz shoving away dying people in need is REALLY cool and fucking-a awesome right fucktard". I've had a lot of time cramping in the house for almost 2 months and I haven't read a good book in weeks and I have a lot of pen

We all have limits. Some make it a point to keep pushing theirs, to prove something to themselves. Some just try not to reach that point at all, fear of what would happen if they ever cross that big, red line. It makes sense for it to be red, y'noe, 'cause red usually means STOP or DANGER. I want to address a lot of people with this issue, but honestly, it's not like I know that many people. There are those who loves taking risks, right? And there are those who take them as a tough decision. Big, small, a last effort. The similarity between these two is that they are well aware of the pros and cons of the decision they make, regardless of their reactions afterwards. Then....there are the unfortunate people who decides without knowing the risks. Which leads to the consequences as any other, but them feeling like they have no idea where it came from. Risks sound like it's a bad thing, but it doesn't always have to be. A good decision leads to positive conseq

Okay, first things first. FANGIRLS ASSEMBLE!!!!!!!!! xDDD I am SO back on Destiel ship. Woot woot! xDD Got back on those crack vids. Still managed to crack me up as hell (no pun intended) no matter how many times I've seen the same scenes. Because, nobody can really argue the awesomeness that are Misha, Jensen, Jared, and my new favorite, Mark Sheppard a.k.a Crowley. I've always liked his sarcasm, aaaaannddd, he's BRITISH! How is that NOT lovable. The BROTP he has going on with Dean is also welcomed. Teeheee x33 Alright. FANGIRLS DISMISS!! Next, I just had a supportive and heart-warming conversation regarding the awful two consecutive nights spent beside the toilet bowl from a member of the support club I am currently in. It makes me happy to know that so far, my decision to take this step hadn't blown in my face. And please life, do not take that and slam it in my face, I beg of you. It is in the light of these miracles that I feel a tiny bit of f

Another night spent beside the toilet bowl. I literally vomited my whole portion of dinner down the drain. And fuck it burns my throat so much.  I can feel the chafe at the back of my mouth right now. Honestly, I don't know what brought it up. One minute I was lounging on the bed, the next I was retching my insides out in the bathroom. And guess what, it doesn't end there.  Heavens forbid it ever ends there. I get the most horrible stomach cramp ever to be had. It feels like mt intestines were pulled out straight and wrung out like a paper towel. It hurt like hell. I rolled continuously on the bed, trying to settle down a position where it hurts the least and unsurprisingly, no tears had been shed at all the whole night. Just pathetic whimpers and dry sobs packed with labored breathing. The taste of vomit was exceedingly foul in my mouth through my nostrils. I desperately wished for a person's presence, just to smooth out the pain in my back if noth

Hi, guys. It's been a while. No worries, I have my reason, which entails two words. Mom, and the black sheep. Mom was pissed he wouldn't go to school 'cause he stayed up late surfin' the net, so she confiscated the wi-fi. It's connected now for the weekend 'cause my baby bro is home for the moment and he pleaded the case with Dad. Way to go, baby bro! x3 That said, I'll only post a few stuff here and there for these two days. Now, regarding my last post, it was the first night after many many months of self-recovery a relapse of that degree. As I stated, it used to happen frequently during my high school days, usually when I am alone because of course I would never have them when I am with my sis or my baby bro since those voices have no place in my head when I am happy and content. I locked the door, and spent the night retching in the toilet bowl. I had records, but they were all gone with the flood. So that's that. Funnily, the urge had grown

10 th May 2015 Dear beloved, It’s one of those nights again. I’m not sure if you remember because I could never have the strength to pick up a pen after it. I could hardly pick up myself. It was always the next day, I would write in detail of the occurrence. Do you remember? Way before I knew of this mental disability, my teenage self had thought nothing of it. It was just a particularly nasty night, often spent beside the toilet bowl, my knees scratched on the toilet floor, my stomach’s content spilling into the murky water. Sometimes, if I was lucky, I’d find myself waking up to the cold tiles on my cheek, half of my body slightly under the bed. There was never enough strength left to even haul my body onto the mattress. Besides, the cold tiles were a blessing to the fire inside my chest. Have you ever drowned, beloved? Do you know how it feels? I reckon a lot of people died because of drowning in the ocean or even in an unsafe pool. What killed them, beloved?