AkImA No NiKkI

 There is a good ass reason why I only started healing after I left for college. And definitely not by fucking choice. The reason why I could allow myself to break, be reckless, be suicidal, be harmful to myself, and put myself through each and every layers of hell in college, was because I had the freedom to be. Because I had the freedom to finally fucking break like a fucking normal person, instead of repressing every single fucking thing and shoving them all inside a glass bottle and putting them up on the trauma shelf. Because if I had never chose to leave my home, my family, my hometown, I would never be granted the freedom to break. I would have been required to keep my shit together, to keep my façade intact, keep my fucking apathy wielded like a weapon to keep me alive. Because there were people who needed me to be stable, little ones who needed me to lie to myself so that I can protect them. There were people who needed me to be less selfish, less reckless, less suicidal. And