Go back.

I want to go back.
Goddammit I miss them so much I can't stop remembering them.
Azwa and Faqie.
Wa and Qie.
My "wife" and my "daughter".
I want to go back to that place,where there were only us.
Even after 2 years I stepped out on them,I've never stopped regretting it.
I was always seeing that image in my head.
That image of them,and me,in our place,but not complete.
With Wa and Qie,both "me" was present.Stabil.
The one with control and the one with none.
It was why I felt so comfortable and at ease with them.
Because I would never fear of losing control.

After I left,I kept myself from the outside society.
I have friends,but both "me" was absent.I felt empty.
Until she came.
Fuyuki(not real name).
With a faint resemblance to my "daughter",I was immediately attached to her.
It's more right to say....That I was attached to her because she reminds me of them.
Wa and Qie.
Fuyuki is a beautiful girl,but she posses a childlike mind.
I know very well that she is neither Wa nor Qie,the difference too great to be mentioned,which is why I feel kinda guilty.

Wa,Qie and I..
We keep to ourselves.Shutting the world from us and vice versa.
Even so,among the three of us,Qie was the most secluded.
Before Wa came,she won't talk to anyone unless asked a direct question.
Except for me.
I was the first person she talked to.
In our group,I was the one who connected them to the outside world.
The "bridge".
Usually I keep people out from us.And sometimes I let them in when necessary.

The same goes with Fuyuki.
I remember the 2 years I spent here,not giving a single damn about whatever happens that doesn't concerns me.
Until she came,and became my "bridge".
Fuyuki isn't like us.She's like a child who had just learned to walk and grabs everything she can while at it.
The only one thing that connects Fuyuki and me other than the resemblance of my "wife" and "daughter" is our passion for good books.
Well,that's because Wa and Qie doesn't read.*chuckles*

But...That's starting to be a problem.
With Fuyuki,only one "me"is present while the other tucked at the back of my head.
The one with no control.
I'm starting to realise that my actions had somehow lost it's....how should I put it..uhh..rythm..
Yeah pointing out the brutal truth has always been my trait but I never pointed out the whole truth before.
One day I look back and see myself.My head asked,who the hell is that?
Had I lose control?
To me,control is important.I know that there are things we can't control but I'm talkin' about the things we can here. 
Temper.Words.Actions.
Fuyuki...is my "bridge" to the world outside my own.She lets people in,but she never keeps them out.It's kinda..suffocating.

I want to return to the way I was before she came.
Simple.Uncomplicated.Easy.
Besides,I don't want her to limit her boundaries to only me.
She can have lots and lots of other good friends,I'm sure she won't miss me.
I want her to play the field a little farther.Wider.
Trials and errors,right? It's the most effective way to learn.

Now,I will try to bring the other "me" back.
Wish me luck.