I Want To Move On.I Need To.

The past keeps haunting me.
Whether it was the trauma or the memories or those persons themselves, they keep coming back to haunt me in the present. Why?

I want to let go.
I want for it to be over.
I want nothing more to do with it.
I want for someday when I would be able to look back willingly, I will smile and truly greet them without bitterness. My 'demons'.

 One keeps me from sleeping.

 One makes my heart ache with whatever residue of feelings left.

 One eloquently disabled my speaking ability.

Please, I want to move forward.
If it needs me to be in the care of a legal psychiatrist,so be it.
I need to stop feeling for the past and start looking for the present and the future. I know that I've probably lost sight of a good deal of things from the present that flies so fast into the future while having my hands full with mementos of the past.
I don't want that.

 For Akira,
Yes, I loved you. Yes, I chose to ran away(yet again) from you because I was too scared I will fall in love for real. Yes, sometimes I miss you so bad it makes me want to try to get in touch with you eventhough 'clean slice' has always been my preferred M.O.
But you are my past now.
I need to move on.

For my non-existent crush,
Was my feelings horribly misplaced? To think I would've preferred for nothing between us had happened, you could've stayed my friend for a long time. I was wrong. I was young. I was stupid. I was broken. I needed your 'Goodbye' because I wanted you to forget me, and to gain a possibility for me to do the same.
Maybe forgetting is not a good thing, but at least it helps.

 For my broken self,
I am sorry.
I neglected you because I was afraid.
You were trying to get me to deal with it all along yet I can't find the strength to face them head on. You are already broken enough. 
I wanted to keep the scars from increasing.
They are bleeding, I know.
I'll do something about it.



I'm sorry it took me so long but I will, soon.
I'm ready now.

It will take the both of 'us' a lot of pain, but hang on.
No pain..
'No gain, right?'

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