Homing Pigeon of Professionalism
It's been couple weeks, yeah. So some shit been solved, some shit turns up. Most of the good shit, like problems with authority and keys and work are doing good. Mostly.
Bad shit is, well, as always, people. Fucking goddamn stupid ass dumbfucked people.
Y'all might see this as a new progress but my psychiatrist who I been seeing since last 2017 August for every month outside of holidays and semester breaks have told me that my appointments from now are gonna be spread out from once in 2 months. Eventhough I have my monthly pick up meds prescription. Know why? Because last time I saw him, I was to the brink of throwing myself out of the seventh floor of the faculty building.
Because goddamn people of this society, this cultural background, have such an ignorant stigma for mental health. I get it. My folks don't even believe in mine still and they think the meds was a one time thing. They don't wanna know how disturbed I get without my daily meds. Hell they don't even know it's daily.
You ever heard people of the same flock fly together? That shit true as fuck. Cause I got people I love with the same mental illness I got. Different causes, different circumstances, different backgrounds, different people, but we all got one thing in common, that we all had wanted to die and never live again at one point. Because the stigma around our Malaysian culture is SO FUCKING IGNORANT.
Girl, if I wanna cut my wrists for attention, I'd be doing it in the middle of a fucking street and yelling how much I wanna die. Not cutting in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep and locking the doors and hiding under blankets hoping the cut will scab by morning.
You inconsiderate, illiterate fuckers.
My psychiatrist was so disturbed how much I confessed of jumping just to get the stigma at least ON AWARENESS because as much as I don't want to deal with stupid dumb ass motherfuckers, I don't want my friends to face the same deal. For once he stopped looking at his goddamn computer screen and turned his chair to face me. And for once, I ain't even facing him. Tough shit when you're the receiving end, isn't it.
Be aware of the hidden pains inside other people, you fucks. Be aware.
To add to that, having shitty group members is such a royal cactus in my rectum. Particularly drama. Fuck you, and you , and you. One person is excluded just because we in the same boat.
I'm so fucking tired of dumbass fucks. Good thing I'm going home tomorrow for election week. After election day, I'm gonna go visit my soulmates and spend some fucking goddamn quality time together. Because we sure as hell fucking earned it.
Beloved is going through a rough patch as well and we're making this work as much as we can. Trying to support each other the best way we know how and keep trying to be there for each other and keeping each other afloat. He was there at my lowest, and I'm as sure as damn fucking hell gonna be there for him at his. We're not gonna stop trying, and that's the best shit anyone's can dare fucking say.
I love that dork.
And that dork loves me.
So we staying.
At the very best, it's not an us problem. It's other people's problems making our lives harder than it should be, that's why. Fucking cacti people can't stay the fuck away from our assholes.
We try to keep each other on stable meds, just to survive each and another day. Reminding each other to put one foot forward and another, and so on. Survive. Survive. Survive.
We've survived this long, we sure as hell gonna survive another. And we're surviving together.
I hate that I can't protect the people I love.
Feel so fucking helpless.
Is it too much to ask that I take on their pain? Siphon it all away. Such a Castiel trait of thinking. There's a reason why I adopted Castiel instead of the brothers.
Dean used to be who sis was, and Sam used to be who I was. It hasn't changed much even now, the happy ending they deserved where half of us got theirs. Castiel, and Jack, coming into the picture..well, things change all the time.
On the other hand, Ramadhan is coming nearer, as well as deadline progresses. Finals right before Eid, too. Good shit, good shit.
Oh, and spoiler alert, I've just seen Infinity War.
Not gonna delve on that mess. Just gonna wait patiently for Deadpool 2.
Bad shit is, well, as always, people. Fucking goddamn stupid ass dumbfucked people.
Y'all might see this as a new progress but my psychiatrist who I been seeing since last 2017 August for every month outside of holidays and semester breaks have told me that my appointments from now are gonna be spread out from once in 2 months. Eventhough I have my monthly pick up meds prescription. Know why? Because last time I saw him, I was to the brink of throwing myself out of the seventh floor of the faculty building.
Because goddamn people of this society, this cultural background, have such an ignorant stigma for mental health. I get it. My folks don't even believe in mine still and they think the meds was a one time thing. They don't wanna know how disturbed I get without my daily meds. Hell they don't even know it's daily.
You ever heard people of the same flock fly together? That shit true as fuck. Cause I got people I love with the same mental illness I got. Different causes, different circumstances, different backgrounds, different people, but we all got one thing in common, that we all had wanted to die and never live again at one point. Because the stigma around our Malaysian culture is SO FUCKING IGNORANT.
Girl, if I wanna cut my wrists for attention, I'd be doing it in the middle of a fucking street and yelling how much I wanna die. Not cutting in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep and locking the doors and hiding under blankets hoping the cut will scab by morning.
You inconsiderate, illiterate fuckers.
My psychiatrist was so disturbed how much I confessed of jumping just to get the stigma at least ON AWARENESS because as much as I don't want to deal with stupid dumb ass motherfuckers, I don't want my friends to face the same deal. For once he stopped looking at his goddamn computer screen and turned his chair to face me. And for once, I ain't even facing him. Tough shit when you're the receiving end, isn't it.
Be aware of the hidden pains inside other people, you fucks. Be aware.
To add to that, having shitty group members is such a royal cactus in my rectum. Particularly drama. Fuck you, and you , and you. One person is excluded just because we in the same boat.
I'm so fucking tired of dumbass fucks. Good thing I'm going home tomorrow for election week. After election day, I'm gonna go visit my soulmates and spend some fucking goddamn quality time together. Because we sure as hell fucking earned it.
Beloved is going through a rough patch as well and we're making this work as much as we can. Trying to support each other the best way we know how and keep trying to be there for each other and keeping each other afloat. He was there at my lowest, and I'm as sure as damn fucking hell gonna be there for him at his. We're not gonna stop trying, and that's the best shit anyone's can dare fucking say.
I love that dork.
And that dork loves me.
So we staying.
At the very best, it's not an us problem. It's other people's problems making our lives harder than it should be, that's why. Fucking cacti people can't stay the fuck away from our assholes.
We try to keep each other on stable meds, just to survive each and another day. Reminding each other to put one foot forward and another, and so on. Survive. Survive. Survive.
We've survived this long, we sure as hell gonna survive another. And we're surviving together.
I hate that I can't protect the people I love.
Feel so fucking helpless.
Is it too much to ask that I take on their pain? Siphon it all away. Such a Castiel trait of thinking. There's a reason why I adopted Castiel instead of the brothers.
Dean used to be who sis was, and Sam used to be who I was. It hasn't changed much even now, the happy ending they deserved where half of us got theirs. Castiel, and Jack, coming into the picture..well, things change all the time.
On the other hand, Ramadhan is coming nearer, as well as deadline progresses. Finals right before Eid, too. Good shit, good shit.
Oh, and spoiler alert, I've just seen Infinity War.
Not gonna delve on that mess. Just gonna wait patiently for Deadpool 2.
Comments
Post a Comment