Stop Looking. Start Listening.
I don't remember when did I start to stop caring whether or not people paid attention to me. Thus I ceased to pay attention to them because I believed in equality.
Though I struggled for my sister's when I was young (the one she remembers as the abso-freakin-lutely annoying brat who keeps getting in her way and ruining her plans and destroying her teenage life-I remember she used to call me idiotic names that hurt even though I didn't quite understand what it means at that time-and sometimes still do when we fight), I grew out of it and learned to accept what she's willing to give instead.
After a few years of high school and leaving the sides of my other half, Faqihah, the pressure of bottling up was turning into a horrible burden on me.
I didn't look for willing ears to listen nor any supposedly-willing shoulders to cry on but all the same, I was easier to spill when a concerned person decided to drill them out.
I was never a people person, that much is painstakingly obvious to anyone who had eyes and a half of brain.
People around me tend to tune me out whenever I try to stop being such a hermit. They always told me to "say something when something's clearly bothering me" or "speak my problems,don't hold it in" or "You should speak up sometimes" and I'm tired of hearing their bullshit because when I try, they don't listen.
So by the time they stopped listening, I stopped caring.
People see I'm alone, most of the time. But in truth, I'm not.
Allah always watches over me, and I need to realize that it doesn't matter even if nobody listens to me because He always does.
Wherever and whenever.
I stop caring of people's words of me because they don't matter. What matters is that I want to feel close to my Creator all the time. He who gives me everything I had, have, and will have in the future in my life.
Though I struggled for my sister's when I was young (the one she remembers as the abso-freakin-lutely annoying brat who keeps getting in her way and ruining her plans and destroying her teenage life-I remember she used to call me idiotic names that hurt even though I didn't quite understand what it means at that time-and sometimes still do when we fight), I grew out of it and learned to accept what she's willing to give instead.
After a few years of high school and leaving the sides of my other half, Faqihah, the pressure of bottling up was turning into a horrible burden on me.
I didn't look for willing ears to listen nor any supposedly-willing shoulders to cry on but all the same, I was easier to spill when a concerned person decided to drill them out.
People around me tend to tune me out whenever I try to stop being such a hermit. They always told me to "say something when something's clearly bothering me" or "speak my problems,don't hold it in" or "You should speak up sometimes" and I'm tired of hearing their bullshit because when I try, they don't listen.
So by the time they stopped listening, I stopped caring.
People see I'm alone, most of the time. But in truth, I'm not.
Allah always watches over me, and I need to realize that it doesn't matter even if nobody listens to me because He always does.
Wherever and whenever.
I stop caring of people's words of me because they don't matter. What matters is that I want to feel close to my Creator all the time. He who gives me everything I had, have, and will have in the future in my life.
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