Some Time Good
Hey. It's been a while. By a while, I mean several months. Not even a New Year post, right? I spent New Year with beloved, so.. I count it as a good start off.
I don't know if one day, I'll still be writing in this. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know who reads this anyway, other than my circle, but that's never been a factor to this blog.
I started this blog when I was..13? Right around the time before I went to SMK Ismail Petra, and my cousin suggested it to me because it seemed like a good idea, and I took a liking to it. It helps. Whether or not I knew it, a lot of the time, this blog helps pouring my heart out. I don't need to expect responses, I don't need to curve to anyone's expectations, and I don't need to abide by social "rules".
I'd just wanted to write my heart out.
Years pass, and between events and roller-coasters in my life, this blog still goes on. Sure, it's missing HUGE chunks of time and pieces, but it has always been what I need it to be.
My place.
People don't care about this place, and I like it that way. Less attention and suspicion.
But there are other advantages to the people I love knowing about it.
I didn't think it'd make a difference before, but over the years, sometimes things surprise you. Plus, this is much more satisfying than talking to yourself out loud, even if it's for recollection. Words can only be proven if it's recorded, that is, turned or formed into substantial concept no longer abstract with witnesses.
My dreams and realizations, my fears and hope, at some point, I've mentioned them in here. I recorded the nights I couldn't sleep, and I write out my demons. Drawing them would be silly, even if I tried, since they are words and memories. Drawing them would've triggered a relapse anyway.
This blog is a runabout way for me to want them to know things.
For me to make myself understood, and time between us to recollect.
It's not really a conversation if nobody is heard.
For all it's worth, I am happy.
I am at that point where past me never thought I'd be. Happy.
heck, past me would've never thought we'd be alive by now, frankly.
My beloved found me, and I found my beloved.
Amelia and Irene has not left me, and I have not left them.
My sister and my family loves me still, and I love them regardless if they do not.
To the past me who cried while you choked, and smiled when you bled,
you are safe.
You are here.
Your struggles, by all means, have not ended. But know that right now, it is worthy.
Know this now, you are worthy.
I don't know if one day, I'll still be writing in this. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know who reads this anyway, other than my circle, but that's never been a factor to this blog.
I started this blog when I was..13? Right around the time before I went to SMK Ismail Petra, and my cousin suggested it to me because it seemed like a good idea, and I took a liking to it. It helps. Whether or not I knew it, a lot of the time, this blog helps pouring my heart out. I don't need to expect responses, I don't need to curve to anyone's expectations, and I don't need to abide by social "rules".
I'd just wanted to write my heart out.
Years pass, and between events and roller-coasters in my life, this blog still goes on. Sure, it's missing HUGE chunks of time and pieces, but it has always been what I need it to be.
My place.
People don't care about this place, and I like it that way. Less attention and suspicion.
But there are other advantages to the people I love knowing about it.
I didn't think it'd make a difference before, but over the years, sometimes things surprise you. Plus, this is much more satisfying than talking to yourself out loud, even if it's for recollection. Words can only be proven if it's recorded, that is, turned or formed into substantial concept no longer abstract with witnesses.
My dreams and realizations, my fears and hope, at some point, I've mentioned them in here. I recorded the nights I couldn't sleep, and I write out my demons. Drawing them would be silly, even if I tried, since they are words and memories. Drawing them would've triggered a relapse anyway.
This blog is a runabout way for me to want them to know things.
For me to make myself understood, and time between us to recollect.
It's not really a conversation if nobody is heard.
For all it's worth, I am happy.
I am at that point where past me never thought I'd be. Happy.
heck, past me would've never thought we'd be alive by now, frankly.
My beloved found me, and I found my beloved.
Amelia and Irene has not left me, and I have not left them.
My sister and my family loves me still, and I love them regardless if they do not.
To the past me who cried while you choked, and smiled when you bled,
you are safe.
You are here.
Your struggles, by all means, have not ended. But know that right now, it is worthy.
Know this now, you are worthy.
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