Two Words. Anger Management.

Yes, it's an issue. I legitimately have anger issues. 
Can I help it that I can easily get angry like one particular Bruce Banner? Of course. 
Why do you think I close my eyes trying to refrain myself from spewing colorful profanities towards the object of my anger or worse yet, trying to break someone's nose?

I don't remember having so much anger as a child. Mostly I was quiet and do my own thing. But I do remember how anger was -IS- the easiest emotion I could pull up if it was ever needed. And boy I did need a lot. For some reason, people actually wanted me to lift up a leg and break their bones. Maybe because I never showed much emotion.
They poke me, and that's what warranted their death certificate.


It's not my fault the boys were too stupid to know they can never win a fight with me having height and strength advantage and the girls (bitchy ones) were too dumb to admit they cried soon as I opened my mouth in primary school. 

Having to deal with people's stupidity, obviously I grew to be patient and have a lot of calming back-ups. That's the thing living in a society. Destroying people's lives because they annoy you is not acceptable.

One, I take deep breaths.
then I close my eyes and pull up my happy images.

Not working? Well, I talk to myself. Reason with other 'me's about the subject. 
Exhaust the facts and opinions. 

If I can't calm down, I simply choose to ignore the subject and focus on lighter, happier ones. One might think it's the PTSD, making me so irritable and temperamental even not on my PMS. Maybe they're right. 
But so far, I'm getting along quite alright.
I haven't had any nightmares in months and the panic attacks and breakdowns are almost zilch unless something huge happens. I haven't had self-harming urges at all and my mind is peacefully empty save for my own original voice. I'm doing good, to be honest.

But be careful.
I can be patient only on so many level. I'm human. I have limits.
A friendly snark or mildly snappish response can only hold for so long.

Why do you think I wear my silence so well?


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