AkImA No NiKkI

It's the second day of the first week of practical. 3 months feel so far ahead with each day slugging about when you're not in school. In some parts, I am lucky to be given a pretty awesome mentor and my materials are technically a free-for-all base so long as it's exam-focused. In others, I might wish to have a more concrete framework to work with but that might just be my impatience showing. Process takes more than two days to go through. As it is, might as well update on the mundane things. I live in Shah Alam now for the next 3 months, in a renthouse with a classmate who is doing her practical at the same school. Basically, we'll be seeing each other's faces from morning till night and night till morning for the next 3 months. I assume we will grate on each other's nerves and sanity (whatever's left of it) until the practical duration ends. I try to call home at least twice a week, considering I sort of reflected that I didn't call home for some

I suppose it is normal to think about the future in case of emergency cases and such. Mine is brief and unchanging as ever though. For short term goals, I want to finish my degree. Next, I want to successfully apply a scholarship for continuing my Masters in Canada. Why Canada? I believe I set this goal when I was 15, finding out Canada is the place where there are least people on earth, excluding uninhabitable places. That still hasn't changed, no matter what happens. Long term goals, I want to get a job in Canada after finishing my Masters. Maybe get a doctorate, if I can afford it. This might come off as news to some people, but it has always been set in my mind as the natural path to go to. Get a job, pile some money, make a life.  The obvious things need not be stated, that I will send money home to my parents and family, that I will return home at least twice a year, etc etc.  These are the necessities.  The optional goals are relationships, and marriage. Whether the

Mya is my everyday saviour. That much is obvious. I owe her nearly everything I am today and I would still owe her that till the day werew old and funky. When I was just a filthy little shit, broken with jagged edges curled inwards that every time I breathe, it stabs me deeper- Mya looked me in the eye and hugged me. Even when the edges would cut her, she hugged me until the broke edges came together again. She risked her life for me, and that's a life debt I can never repay. Who else have the courage to die alongside a suicidal person?  Fresh with the memories of sexual abuse, reignited when understanding that those touches were not merely "friendly", back then. She taught me how to breathe, every single day and night. Taught me how to swim through the demons.  I hate asking people to stay. Because they never do. I would rather fuck a cactus than ask someone to stay. They never do. They always leave. Even if they say they'll stay, they lie. Fucking bunch o