Kono mama de ii.
Right now is fine.Just like this.
For now,this is the closest thing i could refer to as 'happy'.Maybe it's not the real thing,but at least it is enough.Just like this,I am content.
It cannot replace the warmth of Qie's hand on mine nor the happiness when I see Wa's smile directed at nobody but me,but it is enough for me to keep waking up every morning and continue.
At the very least,opening my eyes no longer feels like waking up to hell every day.
Eventhough I can't see nor feel their touch,just their voice is more than enough.We are connected through our hearts,that much had been told by a teacher of mine-that when two different person loves each other,a 'line' is built to connect our hearts.
Therefore,one can feel what the other is feeling.
Qie's voice in my head and Wa's words in my heart,I would keep going.
Not that it would be the only thing that does,I do have other reasons.
For Mom and Dad.
For myself.
I want this glory for them.If they are happy,then I am too.I don't need other reasons.I don't want this for myself,I want this for them.Because I love them.Soredake da.
Just that,going to that barely-bearable place every day kinda eats up my insides.I'd grown numb.But now....Now is okay.
I'm okay with this.
Fooling around.Playing.
I know that fooling around has it's consequences as do everything else but now,it's fine.I like fooling around.It's probably my last chance,too.
Just for now.Don't change.
Just for now.
For now,this is the closest thing i could refer to as 'happy'.Maybe it's not the real thing,but at least it is enough.Just like this,I am content.
It cannot replace the warmth of Qie's hand on mine nor the happiness when I see Wa's smile directed at nobody but me,but it is enough for me to keep waking up every morning and continue.
At the very least,opening my eyes no longer feels like waking up to hell every day.
Eventhough I can't see nor feel their touch,just their voice is more than enough.We are connected through our hearts,that much had been told by a teacher of mine-that when two different person loves each other,a 'line' is built to connect our hearts.
Therefore,one can feel what the other is feeling.
Qie's voice in my head and Wa's words in my heart,I would keep going.
Not that it would be the only thing that does,I do have other reasons.
For Mom and Dad.
For myself.
I want this glory for them.If they are happy,then I am too.I don't need other reasons.I don't want this for myself,I want this for them.Because I love them.Soredake da.
Just that,going to that barely-bearable place every day kinda eats up my insides.I'd grown numb.But now....Now is okay.
I'm okay with this.
Fooling around.Playing.
I know that fooling around has it's consequences as do everything else but now,it's fine.I like fooling around.It's probably my last chance,too.
Just for now.Don't change.
Just for now.
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