As It Always have Been, But Probably Better.

I am content.
That is how I feel now, for the moment.

This week has been hectic, yes, and very stressful as loads and loads of assignments and projects was dropped onto our heads promptly after our return after Merdeka holiday.
 I was close to snapping few heads several times today.
But that was beside the point.

Work as a student life will always be hectic and that is acceptable no matter how much I whine and complain and pout about it.
But my personal life however has taken a brighter road these days.

The nightmares have been getting less each day and they're becoming rare by the week. I find myself sleeping more soundly and waking up have become easier.

The voices in my head have been quiet, leaving only a dim buzz at the back of my head where they would usually pound and shout and yell and just basically torture every single breath of my life.
My demons are letting me be, for once.

I was determined to move forward, even as myself feel like it would be impossible with the burdens of the past I carry. I refuse to back down. Never.

Ever since I had begun to accept the memory as it is, the recall is not as painful as before. I used to avoid the very mention of the memory, pretending it never happened. 

I could accept that what they did to me was not my fault. 

Though I know for a fact that PTSD isn't likely to be fully cured, at the very least the damage could be minimized. There's no cure, because it's a mental disorder.
I will still have panic attacks from time to time, minor breakdowns when everyone is sleeping. Minor rebounds.

But at the end of it all, I will still get up and walk forward.
Wipe my tears and snot, sleep the swellings off, and wake up tomorrow for a new beginning. 
Because I refuse to give up just yet.

"I may have given up on the world, but I have not given up on myself." -Keima