Overwhelmed

This term we have two additional subjects ; Intro to Lit and Language & Drama.
I love Lit, don't know when but I've always loved how words is perceived more than just scribbles on papers. It basically speaks my language, where I am most fluent and open.
I don't have much for Drama but I don't mind it long as I don't have to be in the spotlight.

 But I really wish I could skip these classes this term.
The subjects aren't the problem, if you get my gist.

 The thing is, we were asked to be OPEN. 
Study of the soul, he said.
Touch your soul, he said.

 I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH MY SOUL. NOT IF I VALUE MY SANITY.

 Take it as a wake-up call, he said.

 I HAD MY WAKE-UP CALL 5 YEARS AGO AND IT COST ME HALF OF MY FUCKING LIFE. I DON'T NEED ANY MORE OR I'LL GO STRAIGHT UP BATSHIT. 

 Trust me, you don't want me OPEN. NOBODY wants me open, no, that's very horribly bad. You'd wish I'd roll up and back to the fucking hypocrite that I see in the fucking mirror every single day. Take my word for it, buddy. It happens.

 I don't keep myself together with MORE of those things they call 'emotions'. I keep myself together with LESS of them. You may not see me human enough because of that but when I break in the dark, I am the most human I can be. 
But you won't know that, because you won't see that.

 Think of it as a Pandora Box.
You're curious as shit, poking and prodding to see me open and vulnerable and honest, but then you wish you had never cared. Never even looked.

 I don't want to see my life flash.
I've been seeing it in every nightmare, every tear, every demon.


No more.
No more.

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