Reluctant (just a quick one)
Hey guys.
Just a quick post, based on a some thoughts (and feels) during shower.
I cried so bad reading A Winter's Tale, a Destiel fic, and it was the most I cried while reading a fic. I normally am capable of controlling my tears and sobs even while overwhelmed with fangirl-feels. I cried like a baby. I did.
It feels good to immerse myself in a world where none of the real things in my life exist.
I love when I am just a fangirl with too many emotions, and nothing mattered except for my OTPs and fandoms. No complications (a shit ton actually but it's a welcomed change) and no breakdowns, no meltdowns, no self-hatred (a shit ton of that too, I relate too much to all Dean, Sam, and Cas.) and practically, no life.
It's a good escape.
As much as a book will do.
But a book ends. And for a moment, life reared its ugly head to focus.
Same as when every time I finished a fic, I'd realize that nothing has changed, and I am still where I am. And that's disheartening. A tad little disappointing.
How I want everything to pass.
I feel so happy, content, and just so complete with my family around me right now. Plus I have Amelia and Irene, for as long I'm allowed to have them. And there's the support group, who honestly, have been an enormous help and a source of comfort. I have no qualms repressing my deepest darkest most hideous thoughts, because I know these people are of no stranger to them and they would not dismiss it so carelessly. They are amazing. And I've gotten myself a friendly acquaintance, it's hard not to feel a smile on my face even as my chest were tight with tell-tales of a meltdown.
I don't want time to move right now.
How I want it to freeze.
And live like this forever.
Just a quick post, based on a some thoughts (and feels) during shower.
I cried so bad reading A Winter's Tale, a Destiel fic, and it was the most I cried while reading a fic. I normally am capable of controlling my tears and sobs even while overwhelmed with fangirl-feels. I cried like a baby. I did.
It feels good to immerse myself in a world where none of the real things in my life exist.
I love when I am just a fangirl with too many emotions, and nothing mattered except for my OTPs and fandoms. No complications (a shit ton actually but it's a welcomed change) and no breakdowns, no meltdowns, no self-hatred (a shit ton of that too, I relate too much to all Dean, Sam, and Cas.) and practically, no life.
It's a good escape.
As much as a book will do.
But a book ends. And for a moment, life reared its ugly head to focus.
Same as when every time I finished a fic, I'd realize that nothing has changed, and I am still where I am. And that's disheartening. A tad little disappointing.
How I want everything to pass.
I feel so happy, content, and just so complete with my family around me right now. Plus I have Amelia and Irene, for as long I'm allowed to have them. And there's the support group, who honestly, have been an enormous help and a source of comfort. I have no qualms repressing my deepest darkest most hideous thoughts, because I know these people are of no stranger to them and they would not dismiss it so carelessly. They are amazing. And I've gotten myself a friendly acquaintance, it's hard not to feel a smile on my face even as my chest were tight with tell-tales of a meltdown.
I don't want time to move right now.
How I want it to freeze.
And live like this forever.
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