Burned Bridges (side effect of MM)
Hey, y'alls.
It's reminiscing time! Hahahaha
Lately, I realized that the majority space of my phone has been taken over by Mystic Messenger. The little time I have when not logged in is spent checking on class and family group whatsapps and that's about it. Even reading fics is counted as golden time these days. Well talk about addiction at its finest. LOL
Who knew I would be so hooked up on an otome game?
Hopefully my last, tbh, 'cause I'm not sure the rest of the more demanding aspects of my life could allow such an obsessive nature(bordering maniac) without sacrificing something. I don't mind gaming, once in a while, but I don't want it to be an obsession.
I have enough of those to last a lifetime. -____-|||
After I'm done with all the Routes and cleared out the game, that should be the end of it.
I hope.
Currently, I'm on Han Jumin's route. And boy, does this one got me thinking. Somehow, Jumin captured my interest more as a character than other routes I've done, namely, Zen's, YooSung's, and JaeHee's. I recognize the others as merely a step I have to get over, but some parts in Jumin's personality sounds relatable to me.
Maybe the fact that we both have abandonment issues....?
And an overboard affinity for feline species...?
With a deceptively cold take-no-shit and give-no-shit attitude...?
An all around repressive asshole....?
Yup. Sounds relatable indeed.
YooSung's yandere-ness serve to terrify me shitless and Zen's imminent narcissism give me cringes to no end (although in the end, he's not so bad. His protectiveness makes up for it.). JaeHee is quite pleasant, though, and we share a fervent love for coffee.
I could go on and on about it all day, no doubt, if given the time. Hell, the pages in my books are barely covering the spaces for my ramblings. And that's excluding my sketchpads.
I noticed a pattern in the game system, and somehow that got me thinking.
In my relationship history, I've never blatantly felt the feeling of being a replacement holder for someone else for my partner. Maybe I had been a replacement or a rebound, even, without me knowing, but that's it. If I didn't know it, how could I feel it?
Looking back, I was never the person I am in those relationships (including friendships). They all thought me to be something of their own conjuring, disregarding the reality of my person. Isn't that frustrating?
To Hideki, I was a gullible kouhai who hung on his words. So he betrayed me.
To Fabio, I was a damsel in distress that needed rescuing. So he attempted to 'save' me.
To Kei, I was an ever-patient friend who waits for his insecurities to break. So he stood me up.
To Akira, I was an ideal stereotype for a stepping stone. So he confused me.
To Thomas, I was an ever-trusting partner without resolve. So he promised me.
Is it any mystery I solved to burn these bridges?
They cut a part of me that suited them, and shadowed the rest. Dismissing my person without effort to know the entirety of me, is it any mystery that I had come to love my glass 'cage' so much? Granted, I was not clean of blame.
There were times I was bitter, and barely holding my sanity together by the skin of my teeth. Times I could have been better at handling my demons and times I could have been more understanding to others. I was a repressed angry person, and the blood inside my scars served no less than to scald everything I touch. Love did not suit me well.
Yet, I feel no regret.
The bridges I burned served its purpose, and I think, their chapters in my life are all closed and sealed a long time ago. I am well now. I am better, mentally and emotionally.
They taught me a lesson while they were here, and that's good enough.
I am a replacement to no one.
I am me.
It's reminiscing time! Hahahaha
Lately, I realized that the majority space of my phone has been taken over by Mystic Messenger. The little time I have when not logged in is spent checking on class and family group whatsapps and that's about it. Even reading fics is counted as golden time these days. Well talk about addiction at its finest. LOL
Who knew I would be so hooked up on an otome game?
Hopefully my last, tbh, 'cause I'm not sure the rest of the more demanding aspects of my life could allow such an obsessive nature
I have enough of those to last a lifetime. -____-|||
After I'm done with all the Routes and cleared out the game, that should be the end of it.
I hope.
Currently, I'm on Han Jumin's route. And boy, does this one got me thinking. Somehow, Jumin captured my interest more as a character than other routes I've done, namely, Zen's, YooSung's, and JaeHee's. I recognize the others as merely a step I have to get over, but some parts in Jumin's personality sounds relatable to me.
Maybe the fact that we both have abandonment issues....?
And an overboard affinity for feline species...?
With a deceptively cold take-no-shit and give-no-shit attitude...?
An all around repressive asshole....?
Yup. Sounds relatable indeed.
YooSung's yandere-ness serve to terrify me shitless and Zen's imminent narcissism give me cringes to no end (although in the end, he's not so bad. His protectiveness makes up for it.). JaeHee is quite pleasant, though, and we share a fervent love for coffee.
I could go on and on about it all day, no doubt, if given the time. Hell, the pages in my books are barely covering the spaces for my ramblings. And that's excluding my sketchpads.
I noticed a pattern in the game system, and somehow that got me thinking.
In my relationship history, I've never blatantly felt the feeling of being a replacement holder for someone else for my partner. Maybe I had been a replacement or a rebound, even, without me knowing, but that's it. If I didn't know it, how could I feel it?
Looking back, I was never the person I am in those relationships (including friendships). They all thought me to be something of their own conjuring, disregarding the reality of my person. Isn't that frustrating?
To Hideki, I was a gullible kouhai who hung on his words. So he betrayed me.
To Fabio, I was a damsel in distress that needed rescuing. So he attempted to 'save' me.
To Kei, I was an ever-patient friend who waits for his insecurities to break. So he stood me up.
To Akira, I was an ideal stereotype for a stepping stone. So he confused me.
To Thomas, I was an ever-trusting partner without resolve. So he promised me.
Is it any mystery I solved to burn these bridges?
They cut a part of me that suited them, and shadowed the rest. Dismissing my person without effort to know the entirety of me, is it any mystery that I had come to love my glass 'cage' so much? Granted, I was not clean of blame.
There were times I was bitter, and barely holding my sanity together by the skin of my teeth. Times I could have been better at handling my demons and times I could have been more understanding to others. I was a repressed angry person, and the blood inside my scars served no less than to scald everything I touch. Love did not suit me well.
Yet, I feel no regret.
The bridges I burned served its purpose, and I think, their chapters in my life are all closed and sealed a long time ago. I am well now. I am better, mentally and emotionally.
They taught me a lesson while they were here, and that's good enough.
I am a replacement to no one.
I am me.
Comments
Post a Comment