Welcome back, Silence, my beloved

It feels nice to revel in my old glass of solitude again, like the good ol' times.

Way before the silence I love was twisted into everything and anything to drive me to insanity (literally) just by manipulating rough unwanted touches. It was my happy little pocket of peace and calm serenity before it became the sinister calm before the storm.

Now, that past is behind me, and I feel the soothing cold of old familiarity as I bask in the peaceful silence I thought I'd never gain back since I broke. Yup, leaving home has never felt better.
Not that I hate it, being at home, it's just that all those time I spent meddling in chores and whatnot has always feel like I could be doing something else more helpful and purposeful. It feels like I was stewing in an old pool of shame and resentment at not being good enough.
Now, I feel like I have a mission.
A soldier back on the fields.
(John Watson, I feel you. *salute*)

Of course, walking among strange faces helps. Nothing like revulsion of having to interact to set me up on the straight and narrow path of beautiful solitude. LOL

I won't be able to come home for Sis's special day since my break won't be till 11th April. I don't feel much about it ; neither relief nor regret. I consider it pre-separation practice, to be honest. That's probably why she was gung-ho about spending more time with me and that's probably wise, yet it also hints at the underlying sense of dragging the inevitable.
The dream I dreamed for both of us turned out to be nothing more than a dream after all.

Oh, well. *shrugs*

I'm not delusional thinking that we'll be joined at the hip forever, and I accept this change as wholefully as I do the returning of my old "cage". My actions nowadays are based on convenience than sentimental. It's not that I don't want to attend, it's simply that I am in no order of leisure to do so.
*shrug*

Other than that, I do so miss Amelia and Irene terribly. Their comfortable camaraderie serves to be a dam full of nostalgic reminiscence in my head. A one link of friendship I feel most affected by its absence, though only by distance and time.

Regarding the calm sense of relief at the return of my "cage", it's not exactly Stockholm Syndrome now, is it? I am the one who imprisoned myself out of my own volition, after all.

It's a cycle.

I stay in my little ball, someone would come a-knocking and then may or may not entice me out, we spend a good some time out in the world, they leave, and I go back to my little ball like a child coming home from a bountiful play out with a friend. Rinse and Repeat.
My very own Reset Button.

 The question is, will there be a new person come a-knocking?

Regardless of your judgement, I AM happy in here.
Content.
Safe.
This is MY paradise. MY sanctuary. One I thought I'd lost, and reveled in its return.