hikari

'Hikari' in Japanese means 'light' or rather 'a ray of light'.When I was a kid,I loved to stare at lights,beautiful lights.Because I seldom saw any in any of the people around me including myself,I don't mean just any usual lights here,people.I'm talking about lights you can't see with your eyes,but you see it with your mind or rather you call a heart.I know,normal parents don't usually teach these things to a 7 years old daughter and my parents didn't taught me that either.I just...Somehow saw them.Don't ask me how,or why because I never thought about it or did I ever tried to give a thought at all.I just saw them,and sometimes I don't.Because it started with my sister's life,the first light I saw and also the first darkness I fell.Ya know,nee-san's life seemed to fill with agony and despair.She came home from school with a sour face and getting in fights with mom and dad about her studies,I watched them.Dad screamed,mom snapped and nee-san's tears.That time,I thought that happiness is a fairy tale.Nee-san and I were never really close,we even rarely talked to each other.As a seven years old kid,I felt abandoned.At school,I looked normal,with friends,enemies,teachers and studies.But really,how do you suppose a first grader to blend in at school? By being just like everyone else right? Well,that's how I fit in,by being just like everyone else.Every time I looked at nee-san,I only saw darkness on her face and trust me,I can see everything right through her even without saying a single word.She's just transparent to me.Everything I learned on this world that teachers and parents don't teach you like happiness,sorrowfulness,pain,is from my observation on nee-san's life.Then I saw her with her friends,true friends.Muya,Kak Chah,Imah,and Asmayani.She was with them,laughing and joking,it was then I realised...That I never saw her laughter,at home,she was always sourly,crying..That was the first time in my life that I saw her smiling face and the echoes of her laughter,and that was also the first time I saw the glittering light shimmering from her eyes.That was the true happiness.I continued to live my life until I graduated from primary school as a top student along with the other 5A's UPSR students.Then I explored a whole new world called High School.
The first day I came to SMK Ismail Petra was quite disastrous.I was quiet,left off some important stuff at home,and came with a few bad impression of the seniors.I admit,I was quite remorseful leaving childhood days behind,but that's what everyone do.They grow up.And even though I don't wanna grow up and be a cranky nanny with a single tooth,it's gonna happen anyway and someday somehow I'll face it if I'm still alive that is.My first week was shameful.The orientation thing really got me homesick.I felt like I don't belong there,like an alien,like a stranger.Then the second week got better,I have friends,my grades were better and homework's were done in time.I met Faqie,Azwa and Dayah soon after.But before them,I met a few people that could really ease up my problems,introducing,Miss Chong Yu Nong and Syeifazer.


Miss Chong Yu Nong or I'd rather call her Yu-senpai,was my senpai as in a senior,she's 16 when I transferred there but now she's 17 and soon going to be 18.She wears spectacles and tied her hair like a ponytail.I don't remember how I met her in the first place but I know why I feel easy around her,she's very kind to me and she listens to me.She somehow had some interests in animes so I was able to talk to her about animes with full relief.She cares about me and I am fond of her as I am with fazer.They are my best companions,the best that I could have ever ask.
As for fazer,there's not really much to tell,really..I don't know how I could be so fond of him whilst our period of meeting is so unbelievably short!The first time I talked to him was when recess and he was alone in the class writing something at the back of our class,and I felt weird and went to ask him what he was doing.Well,he was writing something about the characters of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood which I recognised immediately considering I'm a huge die-hard-fan of FMA.Then we talked,and got along very well for the next few weeks and months.People thought differently of us,but I didn't care for people's thoughts never did any good in my life.Some of my classmates asked whether fazer is my boyfriend or did we coupled,I gave them the appropriate answer."NO." I have dozens of male friends,childhood friends and friends who I have now,but they're not considered my boyfriends because they're just my male friends.But fazer was different,he was the first guy in my life that I was able to talk to about animes and mangas,most of my male friends are normal and annoying.For some reason,I felt free around him and being with him makes me feel confident,and rather happy.To me,he is my bestfriend.So there it is,my bestest senpai and my bestest friend.I wish I could have more to talk about them but I just had a year with them,only a year..So there's not much to talk about.Know what?? My lights,I was able to find them,because Yu-senpai and Fazer helped me in certain ways that probably they themselves didn't realise.Even so,I was grateful because I met them.If I hadn't,maybe I was still wandering for lights.They are my 'light guiders'. X))

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