AkImA No NiKkI

Well,my love life isn't a bit interesting or anything. I know that after Akira,I'm unlikely to ever involve myself with another male species of human being but of course,non-human beings would be a different matter. To say that I prefer non-real lovers is probably an understatement. People would say that it's pathetic how I keep living in a make-believe world but who gives a damn about them. I live my life the way I want it to. I've had enough of having people stabbing my backs. To be in a relationship in the real, trust is a major issue,yes? Relationship-wise,I am incapable of doing just that. I mean,please. *scoff* I can't even trust the guys to keep hold of their words ,much less their godforsaken FEELINGS .Like ours didn't matter. *roll eyes* I am a hard person to love and to give my love would be like me admitting that I don't need my sanctuaries any more than I need my protective walls. And that would be like me committing comple

I regret re-watching Frozen yesterday.Gah. I mean,though I didn't miss her like I'd initially thought I would because I was used to being apart from her from time to time,there are those moments when I'd feel the thought of missing her slammed my brain so hard it probably leave dents. Sometimes I hate that popular Disney movie. I always get teary when Hans told Elsa her sister was dead.I couldn't imagine how she must've felt upon hearing those words.Those words affect me very much. I couldn't imagine a life without her. Of course,I would've thought differently about 10 or 15 years ago when all the connection we had was of the blood we shared but that's neither here nor there. I'm done dwelling over the past. "Your sister is dead." Those words are a taboo to me.Though I know that someday either one of us will kick the early bucket,I couldn't stomach the thought of losing her. It would feel like losing a limb. It'

It's brilliant.Pure genius! Astounding.Magnificent! Marvelous. Being an avid reader on my own,I relate to the story deeply.I squawked in disbelief when they burned those godforsaken books,anger coloring my brain. Books! Burned! Can you BELIEVE that?! It's unacceptable! It reminded me of the books we own at home which I treat like my lifeline of sanity and I wanted to rage at the absurdity of it all.  Stupid bloody people burnin' freakin' books . But then,it was during the freakin' Hitler time.Thank God he's dead else book lovers all around the globe would've spiked him on a stick and burn him like the witch(?) he is.Was it the beginning of the Holocaust? I couldn't remember. Sophie Nelisse played Lieser Meminger ,the main character in the movie.She's beautiful.Of course,I will also try to find the book version. It would be interesting to see things Death's way. Nico Liersch played Rudy Steiner ,Lieser's best friend wh

I used to jolt awake whenever I have nightmares and stare expressionlessly at the wall until I fell asleep again. Sometimes I find myself having a hard time breathing. It's just something that nightmares do. The wound had long since sealed itself into a scar . But somehow when I say 'scar' ,the image that pops into my head was one of a stitched scar instead of the usual skin-pulled-taut-together one. I stitched it myself,one by one,night by night,as time prolongs. I don't like to think about it,preferring to let it fade into the past where it so clearly belongs. Yet as the scar exists, it didn't seem like my mind would be in peace any soon. As I open the stitches back in order to let the skin properly heal,the nightmares came back in full thrust. Now,I jolt awake from them,sobbing. I miss home.I miss Mom and Dad.I miss Onee-san.I miss Mukhlis-and later stuff his head into the toilet and flush him for reasons that shall not be stated.I miss Mia.I miss

I'd never thought -or presumed in my whole life that I'll be standing a position in the College Board , else familiarly known as Student Body Representative . I mean, the socially awkward,people-phobic,air-headed, demure me would've never even consider this thing in a glance much less actually BE in it. And now? Now, I am Chief of Discipline in my college's Student Body Representative. At first I'd only wanted to be in Teratak Chocolate's committee members and I am, under the Bureau Program and my Chief is my classmate.  Ah, Teratak Chocolate is the name of our college's 'surau' . All of a sudden,we Teratak Chocolate committee members Foundation level (in short,JASASI) find ourselves named for selection for members on College Board.  I mean-just. Whoa. I never was the type to reign power ,preferring to watch idly from the sideline and predict the outcomes. I'm more of an observer than a hands-on worker,though if push comes to

Beware. Fangirl mode is on . I just remembered that I haven't finished watching No.6 yet and with the recently acquired wifi, it was a piece of cake. (Literally, the wifi was so damn fast.LOL! xD) The last two episodes made me cry. I THOUGHT HE DIED. I THOUGHT HE FREAKIN' DIED ON US!! DAMMIT SHION STOP GIVIN' BOTH NEZUMI AND US FANGIRLS A SCARE! Although he was dead. For a few minutes. Safu -bless her soul, aka Elyurias, gave him another chance. I didn't get how, though. Was Elyurias some kinda forest goddess? Who knows? The anime were too short. *shrug* LOOK! LOOK HOW PERFECT THEY ARE! THEY FIT LIKE FREAKING PUZZLES! TELL ME IF SHION DESERVED TO DIE WHEN HE CAN HAVE THIS IN HIS FUTURE!!?? Nezumi was already badly injured and when Shion died (briefly) , he wanted to die with him. I was like, NOOOO!! SHION CANNOT DIE!!! HE HAS A BRIGHT FUTURE WITH NEZUMI AND HIS MOTHER IS STILL OUT THERE WAITING FOR HIM TO COME HOME AND HE HAS A NAMESAKE CHILD TO LOOK AFTE

For the first time in my life, I was praised for being strong. All this time, it was only assumed and registered at the back of their heads, knowing but never actually acknowledging. I knew what I am, though I never gave myself much thought. "You are strong. You just don't give yourself enough credit for it." All my life, I was expected to be strong. To stand up on my own and survive. I've been taught to live up to that, and I do. I had breakdowns, and nightmares, and all kinds of demons crawling in my head, but what makes me strong, is that I continue to stand up and walk again after every of each. Sometimes it takes years, and sometimes it takes days. Depends on which demons. "Don't be too hard on yourself." . I find the strength to go on from my family, and most of all, from God. Especially Onee-san, who has her own demons to deal with. The thought that drives me when it comes to her is that, 'I have to be strong for both of us.'