childish

I'm..really childish..And the only people who knows this side of me is them,Faqihah,Azwa,Hidayah and Sharmeen.And among the five of them,the person who acknowledges me the most would be Faqihah and Azwa as they had seen many sides of me that no other living thing have ever seen before.Though many people seem to know this side of me,but they have never really seen it in reality.I am a childish kid.Also a selfish person.A little egoist and imprudent.There is a story behind this statements.A sad story of a girl.Let me tell you this story,about a girl who is afraid to let go and afraid to be alone.

It started with a dream that made her realise she doesn't want to lose her important person.Her sister.She dreamed the most terrible dream,a dream of her sister saying goodbye and vanishes before her whilst she could do nothing even to hear her own voice,calling her sister's name over and over.She was so scared,all the things around her had collapsed,she was all alone and the only person she know is going to leave her too.She was terrified.She opened her eyes,it took her a few minutes to realise that that was a dream and she quickly looked for her sister,to make sure she was in reality."She's here,she's here with me..Thank Goodness.." she thought at the moment her eyes laid on her sister who is doing some papers on the table.Her sister was shocked at the image of her little sister panting roughly as if she had just got back from the dead.She hugged her,calming her little sister in her arms.She hugged her back.Then she realised how much she loved her.She doesn't want to be separated from her,she doesn't want to be away from her.

Then,years passed.Both of them started to make a step into the adulthood and teenagerhood.the big sister is now a student at a university while the little sister is now a second grade high schooler.The little girl missed her sister,but restrained herself for the sake of her sister's happiness.

Then one day on a family vacation nearby the university,she was told by her sister that she had someone she love dearly,a boyfriend.The little girl was shocked.She kept silence when her sister told her of how much she love him,how much he fulfills her criterias of 'perfect husband'.The little girl was unhappy and upset.She critics the 'perfect husband' whom her sister admires,saying terrible things,letting out the childish sides of her freely.Her sister was upset at her,she said that her little sister just couldn't see her happy and destroyed everything she admires,that her little sister never gives her support to do things she like.The little girl broke.Her heart broke.

The little girl silenced herself,and apologized.She began to ask her sister about her boyfriend,hoping she would be happy again at the story of her boyfriend.Her sister did.The little girl saw the light of love in her sister's eye,but the light wasn't for her.She felt hurted.She wanted to cry.She excused herself from their conversation and hurried to a lonely place.Her heart was throbbing painfully.She flowed her tears.She cried at the beach where the sea and waves comforted her,where the sea and waves listened to her.She felt lonely again.

Until now,she put the childish her into a cage deep inside her so that it won't hurt her sister again.She thinks it's ok if she was hurt,but she could not accept that her sister would be hurt.She love her sister,and she wants to see her sister smiles,even if she could never smile again.She wants to see her sister happy even if that means 'pain for eternity' for her.The childish her had made her sister upset,and she could never release it again.She was willing to sacrifice herself if it would make her sister happy.Only that,is enough....For the little girl..

The story ends there for the time being.Who knows what more disastrous events are waiting for this little girl...I surely do not know what awaits her,but I know that that would mean more pain for her.The story that lies within my past..Are more than you can imagine...

[Hope within the darkness??]

[Sorry,but there's no more hope that I could count on]