Mysterious Disappearances review (being home edition)

 Being home always brings a wave of nostalgia every single time I return. It goes the same with updating the blog too, sometimes. The one thing I always do when I come back to Kelantan is take out all of my notebooks, notepads, books, diaries, journals, and walk down the path of my past. The good, the bad, the horrific, the fun, and everything in between that entailed my time here as an existence. 

Often times, whenever I go through a suicidal wave, I would wish to not be remembered. To wish my existence is simply erased and a person with my name was simply never born. Never grew. This wish came to be because I hope the people I left behind to not feel pain from my actions. It's selfish, sure, but sanity is never my closest companion. I know it doesn't make sense, and all I'm doing is wishing a band-aid would cover bullet holes. A wish is just a wish. 

Particularly the only reason I hadn't manage to kill myself successfully despite the many attempts was because of the many thoughts of what will happen to the people I left behind anyways. Still, I like to go down my memory lanes whenever I return to Kelantan because it feels like I am visiting a library of records that writes down how I have survived each year of living. It feels like I am ascertaining that indeed, I had survived a lot of fucked up shit. And maybe, if I could survive those, maybe I can survive once more. Hopefully. 

Anyways. I watched this anime called Mysterious Disappearances. I like going through any type of literature whether it be movies, books, fiction, anime, etc no matter they are in the mainstream audience or not. I guess this anime falls under the "niche" section where not a lot of people knows it yet. Kinda like Kekkai Sensen. 

My review is, despite the anime being chock-full of fanservice, the horror premise was heartwarming and wholesome instead. I didn't really mind the fanservice because it has already stated in the genre as ecchi so I had expected it. Fanservice becomes annoying when it's used anonymously as a way to "entertain" a certain type of audience demographic to keep watching the anime but the anime itself has nothing to do with the ecchi genre. I don't have any issue with the ecchi genre as a whole, and Mysterious Disappearances is an ecchi anime with a horror framework built with wholesome plotlines rather than the opposite, so the fanservices are rather expected of the quota.

Despite that, the horror element is well-made and definitely interesting with historical urban legends and folklore that people like me likes. And although I was used to having unhappy endings or weak plotlines in horror elements, I didn't expect the anime to have such happy and wholesome plot sequences and ending as well. It was a pleasant surprise. A true form of "All's well ends well."

I know some of the plot sequence were slightly rushed and definitely chopped at the end, but whether that's due to the changes made from the manga to the anime or otherwise, I have no idea. At least it ended happy, is all I'm saying. I feel like I would've been kinda bummed if Ren didn't end up together with Sumireko, and it would've felt wrong to change Oto's purpose. I'm glad they didn't, and all loose ends are tied. It might be wishful thinking, to have this kind of ending in a story, but I also feel like writers and authors who say "this isn't realistic" should remember what they're writing for. 

Sometimes, all people want to see are the characters being happy. Sometimes, it doesn't matter even if it's not realistic. Especially in the current times where it's more expensive to live than die. People just want to escape mentally, to a place where at least the characters we see ourselves through are not suffering like we are. What was the point of making your readers feel pain? Just for the shock value? Is that the value you have as a writer/author? (looking at Gege)

But I guess every type of person has at least one person who agrees with their point of view. There are people out there who thinks it's better that the literature they go through mimics their reality as closely as possible rather than nothing at all. Down to the depressing, hopelessness of it all. To each their own and all. 

Moving on the update of my life--as I explore my autism traits, a lot of things are becoming easier to understand. My sensory issues, stimming, and "anti-social" issues. I've always hated that phrase when they call me that.

I fucking hated it when my relatives would call me "anti-social" when I refused to socialize. I hated it when my family used that as an excuse to explain my refusal. The normativity of socializing whether with people you share blood with or not. Even worse when it's not.

Now that I know it's an autistic trait and my touch-aversion stems from sensory issues, it makes it easier for me to understand my emotions. What triggers me and how to set my boundaries. I don't like touching strangers, and I certainly hate strangers touching me. This becomes an issue when my parents demand I shake hands with their friends. 

First of all, I don't know these people, so no, I don't want to touch their skin, nor do I want their skin to touch mine. The repulsion builds like a balloon in my chest and I end up having a meltdown as soon as I get within private distance. It makes my skin feel like it has ants crawling all over it and I want to peel my skin off like a snake and wear a new skin. 

On the opposite side, I am rather physically affectionate with people I love, therefore it obviously not the same. 

I wish we could all just adapt the Japanese way of bowing to each other as a sign of acknowledgement or respect instead of shaking hands. It's gross.