AkImA No NiKkI

It's a complicated day. But first I would like to deeply and genuinely apologize to my A&E groupmates for being unable to attend the school visit. I am truthfully sorry. I will take up the leftover report and happily and willingly do what I can to pull up my weight.  I know I have been nothing short of a burden this semester, and this is not self-hatred, this is the absolute factual truth.  So please, give me my share of work and more. I will redeem myself as honestly as I could. The Monday incident impacted our schedules and I deeply apologize. I will ensure such the likes of that will never happen again in the line of work. I prided myself to having separate personal lives and work lives and yet this has been a gross encroachment to that statement and I will do whatever it takes to reclaim it to its original state. Again, I deeply apologize. That being said, my responsibility as a student and a groupmate will be prioritized. On another note...

Tomorrow morning is the last paper for the Finals of my 2nd term and it's my worst subject, Principles of ELT (PELT). Let's all hope I don't crash it and burn. There's a briefing for Syntax 2-weeks school observation thing where I think our lecturer is supposed to give us the guidelines and the formal papers, but then, I haven't packed shit because of PELT study (I'm too nervous about failing it to even divide my time in between) and I told Sis to pick me up (because luggage) right that evening. I hope Madam'll make it quick. Man, I had an annoying headache last night I ended up sleeping on the chair for 3 hours after 8 freakin' P.M. Roomie told me to sleep on the bed 'cause I'll get a crick on my neck in that position but I already tried lying down, twice, and it intensified my headache if nothing else, and I ended up falling asleep when I tried going back to my notes. After waking me up three times and me keep falling back asleep on the...

I had the best time out with Sis and Bro and (unborn) nephew last 3 days. ^^ They picked me up at college on the afternoon of 7th and we went to Subang to check in to a budget hotel, not unlike the ones Sis and I stayed at when we went to Shah Alam for my degree interview at In-Tech. Sis wanted to check out the new Bookalicious store she followed on IG at the Summit Mall in Subang and naturally, I'd be tagging along because BOOKS! CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF BOOKS! Hehe x3 I really had fun during the whole time we were out and together, whether it's the crazy conversations in the car or trying to choose dinner on a weird named food on the menu. I'm starting to like my big brother as well. That's quite a big confession isn't it? Nearly 6 months ago, I've only referred to him as "a stranger" or "the stranger" and then later, after the marriage and after sis and I made up, he was referred to as "her husband" or "bro-in-law...

Happy New Year of 2017, everyone. There. That's the extent of my greetings to summarize the end of an old year to a new one because frankly, I don't feel any difference. It just feels like any other same date like previous new years.  We're in the middle of Finals to end our 2nd term and even after that, there isn't much time for end-of-term breaks because of the 2 weeks observation thing. Granted, I've chosen a school close to home so it might as well feel just like I'm going back to school. Right now, I'm sitting my ass going through notes and slides to prepare for the next paper in 2 days alone in my room because roomie went back to her brother's house in KL. New year started off with me, my feet up on the desk, dirty tupperware from dinner by the side, quarter empty hot chocolate in hand, laptop open with multitude equal of sociology notes and recent anime episodes. Huzzah. (deadpan) 2016 was when I just got into PALAM early Feb and t...

Next two days begins the final week for submitting papers, assignments, and presentations. After that it's study week for 5-6 days and then Finals. This week has been rushing enough lol I called Mom and Dad to see if I should go home for study week but I'm still kind of on the nose about it. I doubt there'd be much studying going on at home, but I'm hesitating to spend that much days at college for no reason. Roomie has already decided she's going back home so if I decide the latter, I'd be alone for nearly a week. Might get a little stir-crazy, even for me. Maybe I could spend them at a nearby friend's place? Nah. Too much trouble on both sides. Reminded that school was over for teachers, I've been calling home more frequently than before because I know that all of them would be at home anyways. I love that it gets rowdy when my call was in good timing like when they're all in the kitchen together or something. It brings a familiar feeling....

*sniff* ey, y'alls. So, breaking news. I'm sick. Again. I keep getting sick a lot this year. -_-||| It's just a small fever so there's no fuss about it, though. Yet I do have a few things to reiterate regarding the issue. Last Friday, I had a major relapse. It went on until yesterday (Sunday) and as much as I didn't want to think about the possibility that it may have been the reason for my sudden fever, they seem to collide on the same time area and I can't help being suspicious. The last time this happened was 2 years ago in Shah Alam, when I was still with Amelia and Irene. To compare it to this one was dismissable to say the least. Back then, I was at my worst. I hate the nightmares, night terrors, panic attacks, meltdowns, everything I was having for months before and when opportunity arose, I wanted to pass out from it all. Even if I knew I was sick and feverish, I didn't give a damn about it. I did all my work early just so that I could pro...

Olas. So, about that last post, I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you. In here, I do that sometimes. Write about things of the past and what has happened since. It's not that I think about it all the time because that would've been unhealthy and it'll be like I'm holding on to the past that which have already gone and I wouldn't have been able to do anything to change it. It's like I said, sometimes, I have bad days. Of course, it led me to reminisce those things but other than feeling depressed for a couple of hours and crying myself to sleep, it was nothing a few tears can't fix. I ended up reading angsty Stony fics at the end of the day anyway. It's more like I need to remind myself of what has happened, so that I could reflect on it, and see my progress from then on. Yes, I was sad, irrevocably so, but I was sad for the past me. Reading my notes, I was sad for her, that she had to go on with so little faith. What she had to end...

  Soooo good thing about my period this month is it's free cramps this time around. Bad thing is, the urge to hibernate and lack of appetite. And I'm sitting for my finals right now and those definitely are inappropriate as of the moment. Since it's Ramadhan, it's easy to pass off the lack of eating during the day but not so much after iftar. Roomie is used to this habit by now, knowing my hibernating urge during period is like fighting off waves on a stormy season and you're skinny dipping. I'm happy for the lack of insane pain of hot poker scrambling my womb like cheese mozzarella that is called cramps though and given any other time, I'd gladly take malnutrition and hibernation in a stride against cramping. Sleep is much better than unwarranted pain anyway, less folding myself like origami and more blissful dreams. But it makes time flies and I need to study for the papers, so once again I'm eternally grateful for roomie making sure my abnormal s...

Ayyyy y'alls. See that title? Pretty self-explanatory, I'd say. *snort* Heck, y'all woulda agree with me, amirite or amirite.  'Course, best thing to be home is seeing your fam's faces (though I just literally saw them not a week ago, yet admittedly in less than favourable conditions) but next best thing bein' home is *cue drum roll* THE PRESENCE OF FOOD ANYWHERE, ANYTIME xDD That is, feels like the whole drama shitstorm is gone and everything's back to normal now. Well, maybe after my room is returned to its original state because I shit you not, it's stuffy as balls in here with the decorations still up and about. But hey, ain't like I'm staying home for long. In a blink, a week will just fly by, right? And yes, it's officially MY room now. Mine and mine alone. Awhoop whoop! xPP I suppose baby bro can bunk in when I'm not home, but Imma stamp MINE on the door soon as I get the chance. Hahahahahaha no joke *flawless murder ...

I went to the library today after so long having denied entrance for the 10th fucking time. Apparently, you have to register your card to get in but the counter is inside and we had to puzzle over the fucking cycle for quite a while till the barrier was a little screwed yesterday and we got registered. Goddamn how hard it is to enter a fucking library, jeez. I needed to get some materials for my edu history paper (deadline on early June and I need to get that shit outta way cuz it's heavy loaded) only to find that while the library is fucking humongous, it ain't got any section for Education faculty. Like, wtf. God, I miss IN-TEC library. That place is heaven on earth. This campus opened in Feb and now it's May and none of the books have made it here yet.  Wtf have these ppl been doing good lordy loo. *sigh* Guess I'll just have to stick to online journals then. They're not as reliable as paper-books but they'll do, I suppose. The thing with us TESL-...

Sooooooo false alarm! Amelia's still here. With me. With us. Wow, I have a hard time believing that, actually. Not in a bad way, that is. Yknow, like Tony have a hard time believing that he had a family that loves him as he is and not because of his money and fame which is The Avengers? Well, without the money and fame 'cause obviously I have neither. Which reminds me, I went watching Civil War yesterday with two of my classmates (I know, social life? Who is me and what has taken my place) and to my credit, I did not broke down and cry in the middle of the airing. I waited till the end. Ha By now, I don't even give a fuck about keeping up shields and stuff. My weird asshole ass is out and free and you are welcome to hop in the weirdness if it's to your liking.  If not, you can kindly walk away without a single sentiment at hand. Well, out and free about my fandoms and ships, at least. Privacy is still privacy. I have no idea why Stucky even exists. I can ...

The weekends was hella fun. The best weekends I've ever had this month, period. It was damn near worth it playing hooky with my co-curriculum class. Sis took me out swimming at a resort pool about an hour drive from home with her housemate and it was pretty fantastic. I haven't had a good swim since God knows when and I like the housemate enough for the situation to not feel awkward or uncomfortable. She fed me more than enough to last 3 average days in college and spoiled me with random wants of mine. As a result, I now acquire a shirt that says "WARNING : YOU ARE APPROACHING A PROFESSIONAL FANGIRL" and a couple of other things. It was awesome. But of course, as the weekends ended, so did my turn of being on the upside of the Fortune Wheel.  All of a sudden, my period hits me with a BLAM! on Monday and add a near crippling pain of cramping in the below stomach area, less work was done than it should that night. As it was, I lost my yellow file which held m...

Hey y'alls. It's week 5 and midterm breaks is 3 days away. Everyone is geared up for home, me decidedly less enthusiastic. Not to say I don't miss it, just that the feeling is mixed with dread is all. It'll be extremely great to see my family again though. And the cats and Mr Poopie. Tests and quizzes will be right after breaks and that's meant to keep us on our toes. LOL Classes have been awesome, Literature in particular making its way to my most favored of all.  Linguistics can be more understandable and entertaining if I take the textbook and read it in my own peace and quiet -possibly the library, where I can get more research should I need to. Edu Foundations serves to be more of a memorise-notes kinda subject.  For Lit, though, I am absolutely in love with. Although I feel like it'll be the death of me one day. *snorts* It's the only place where the books I read gets recognition and be useful. The Book of Life by Will Schwalbe , Mr Mercedes...

Ola, chiquitas. We started our first lecture today, mainly introductions to the courses, of the lecturers, and ourselves. I feel weird that they purposely stacked our courses like a steep hill rather than an even stairs. Looking at the course outline, 1st term has only 6 subjects, 2nd term little bit more, and suddenly 3rd term looks like it had a box of heavy things inside toppling sideways down to the ground. How did they think that would result in students' mind? It's rather odd. Not to mention since our faculty's still getting used to the newly moved environment, our facilities and privileges are coming up a bit short. It's not as much as a problem than an inconvenience. I'm glad to say I have a great roommate though. And to think we're from the same state! What small world. One of my foundation classmates ended up as my housemate too so that's a bonus. We live in an apartment-like housing with 4 rooms, 2 people per each. Laundry room is just...

Hello. Sis has been gone for a week now, and the absence in the room is getting noticeable. I considered changing my morning routine, just to feel less like a sloth and a functional human being. I went to sleep by midnight last night, and woke up 5 a.m this morning. I'd say it's a success experiment. I'd feel better when Oshie sleeps in the room with me, so long as I remember to let him out in the morning after dawn. But after that, it feels....empty. I missed the days when I'd slug out my blanket and coffee mug to Amelia's room and stay over for the weekend. I missed the days when I'd wake up to the soft breeze ruffling my short floppy hair and opening my eyes to see my bestfriends' drooling faces. I miss my bestfriends, period. The mornings when we'd take our turns to the bathroom and sprawl all over the floor with our blankets, talking idly about our plans for the day in our pajamas. I even missed their teasing of my overly mussed bed hai...

Some people have trouble writing from their heart.  During school, this is an advantage, or so what I learned from it. I've never gotten the hang of that stuff up till now. Truth be told, I was never a good writer in school. I couldn't get the points I wanted because I needed to adhere to the Ministry's standard. I couldn't use the words to correctly tell my opinions and feelings because in academic writing, emotions are considered banal. They used the word, "bias". Often times, I had to get additional lessons from the teacher so that I'd write according to the legalized standard of each and each school. I was told that I am writing for an exam.  Not for my diary. Well, duh. You don't see me cursing like a sailor on steroids in an exam paper. The mildest I went was "heck". I even changed "ass" to "butt". (oops, SPN reference. it just happened! xD) That's downright innocent. Other kids need...

Yes, it's an issue. I legitimately have anger issues.  Can I help it that I can easily get angry like one particular Bruce Banner? Of course.  Why do you think I close my eyes trying to refrain myself from spewing colorful profanities towards the object of my anger or worse yet, trying to break someone's nose? I don't remember having so much anger as a child. Mostly I was quiet and do my own thing. But I do remember how anger was -IS- the easiest emotion I could pull up if it was ever needed. And boy I did need a lot. For some reason, people actually wanted me to lift up a leg and break their bones. Maybe because I never showed much emotion. They poke me, and that's what warranted their death certificate. It's not my fault the boys were too stupid to know they can never win a fight with me having height and strength advantage and the girls (bitchy ones) were too dumb to admit they cried soon as I opened my mouth in primary school.   Having to d...