AkImA No NiKkI

Right, so I had a minor episode yesterday during marching practice because apparently, I'd been resorting to my old habit of looking down towards God's green earth (or in this case, black road tar) instead of straight forward and when that is done in a period of time in those certain conditions, you are susceptible to fainting spells. Thus here we are. Thankfully, it was just a fainting spell and not a full-blown panic attack. I don't know if I could survive another wave of humiliation since the last one when I was 13. No need to call the nursery, folks! Ahaha. The fainting spells, I don't particularly mind. I'm used to them (that time when I broke my glasses's lense, and that time I bruised my back falling on my ass, and that time I was saved from faceplanting on a rock, etc etc etc) though I admit it's been a while since I had them.  The dry-heaving afterwards, on the other hand, is new. I suppose you could chalk it up to nausea from ...

Yo. So, work is steadily piling up. That's good, I suppose. Better than having my head float on nothing, although, I do admit having problems in one of the classes. Then again, if you have more than 6, you're bound to be bad in at least one of them, so I'm not really miffed about it too much. A little irritated, maybe, just because of the inconvenience. I haven't called home since I registered for the semester, and that's, what, 2 weeks ago? I'm not exactly stalling or avoiding the act, any more than I'd simply forgotten and when I tried, it was too late in the night and they're most likely sleeping. Classes end much later this semester than the last, so there's that also. Messages from Amelia and Irene have been sparse lately but I figured they have much more things on their hand than I do on a daily basis. I do hope they try to get regular breaks and take care of their mental and physical health once in a while. It'd be unfair if I'...

Ooosu~ It's weekends for the first week of second semester, for me at least, because I don't have any classes on Fridays. Teehee! xP I suppose that's about to change next week, if what we heard about the schedule change is correct. Oh, well. When have I ever complained about work. *shrug* Although I do complain a lot about the people I work with, that's normal coming from me. When have I ever NOT complain about people? Hahahahaha xD Yesterday, we had our first class on Counselling. Why is there a class on Counselling this semester you ask? Beats me. Apparently it's a necessity for future teachers to be able to counsel their students in an orderly manner (OF COURSE!!!). It looks like CSS (College Study Skills) a little to me, I guess. Though gladly focusing on the student than the teacher. In my opinion, we do actually need more perceptive and professional counsellors in education wings. My experiences in those area are frankly, disgustingly horrible. I woul...

  Soooo good thing about my period this month is it's free cramps this time around. Bad thing is, the urge to hibernate and lack of appetite. And I'm sitting for my finals right now and those definitely are inappropriate as of the moment. Since it's Ramadhan, it's easy to pass off the lack of eating during the day but not so much after iftar. Roomie is used to this habit by now, knowing my hibernating urge during period is like fighting off waves on a stormy season and you're skinny dipping. I'm happy for the lack of insane pain of hot poker scrambling my womb like cheese mozzarella that is called cramps though and given any other time, I'd gladly take malnutrition and hibernation in a stride against cramping. Sleep is much better than unwarranted pain anyway, less folding myself like origami and more blissful dreams. But it makes time flies and I need to study for the papers, so once again I'm eternally grateful for roomie making sure my abnormal s...

Ayyyy y'alls. See that title? Pretty self-explanatory, I'd say. *snort* Heck, y'all woulda agree with me, amirite or amirite.  'Course, best thing to be home is seeing your fam's faces (though I just literally saw them not a week ago, yet admittedly in less than favourable conditions) but next best thing bein' home is *cue drum roll* THE PRESENCE OF FOOD ANYWHERE, ANYTIME xDD That is, feels like the whole drama shitstorm is gone and everything's back to normal now. Well, maybe after my room is returned to its original state because I shit you not, it's stuffy as balls in here with the decorations still up and about. But hey, ain't like I'm staying home for long. In a blink, a week will just fly by, right? And yes, it's officially MY room now. Mine and mine alone. Awhoop whoop! xPP I suppose baby bro can bunk in when I'm not home, but Imma stamp MINE on the door soon as I get the chance. Hahahahahaha no joke *flawless murder ...

Sooooooo false alarm! Amelia's still here. With me. With us. Wow, I have a hard time believing that, actually. Not in a bad way, that is. Yknow, like Tony have a hard time believing that he had a family that loves him as he is and not because of his money and fame which is The Avengers? Well, without the money and fame 'cause obviously I have neither. Which reminds me, I went watching Civil War yesterday with two of my classmates (I know, social life? Who is me and what has taken my place) and to my credit, I did not broke down and cry in the middle of the airing. I waited till the end. Ha By now, I don't even give a fuck about keeping up shields and stuff. My weird asshole ass is out and free and you are welcome to hop in the weirdness if it's to your liking.  If not, you can kindly walk away without a single sentiment at hand. Well, out and free about my fandoms and ships, at least. Privacy is still privacy. I have no idea why Stucky even exists. I can ...

"Stay." "Don't leave me." "Promise me." All my life, people come and go, as they are wont to do. Even the ones I wanted to stay, in the end, never really did. These words are no stranger to my thoughts, my lips, my soul.  Yet I've never been the receiving end of it. Until Amelia. Somehow, it comes back to her. Like a circle of infinity. Sis and I, we are bonded by blood. Yet it is with she that I needed to keep a reminder of the necessity for a gap of a sort. The knowledge that regardless of how close or tight we are as siblings, we each have our separate paths to walk and I acquiesced to it. She has never needed me to stay, nor to acknowledge each other's psyche. I am the Sam to her Dean, and we all know how disastrous those two's relationship is. Unbearably strong, yes, but destructive in its own way. We are aware of each other's mind, yes, but we are reluctant to explore its depth. At least, that's how it seems to...

Yello. I miss Amelia and Irene terribly today. I do miss them in proportion each day but today feels like a big one. Being among people again, among "society" again, tends to have the most flinch-worthy reactions out of me. Such as keeping my poker face cool regardless of how distasteful I find a person's choice of words may be. Tact is a value in the polite world. *roll eyes* I'm gonna have to re-learn the basics to tune out the inane and annoying mindless chatters that the people around me here seems to have a habit speaking. I find it as incredibly annoying as they find my cursing habits, acting as if every little "fuck" I say is a dishonor on somebody's cow. And to think I won't have to deal with that shit in Uni life. *sigh* Also, I am not fucking shy .  I am reserved . The kind of shit that falls out of my mouth is one you might need above 18 ears on and I'm perceptive so watch your choice of words because sometimes people do...

It feels nice to revel in my old glass of solitude again, like the good ol' times. Way before the silence I love was twisted into everything and anything to drive me to insanity (literally) just by manipulating rough unwanted touches. It was my happy little pocket of peace and calm serenity before it became the sinister calm before the storm. Now, that past is behind me, and I feel the soothing cold of old familiarity as I bask in the peaceful silence I thought I'd never gain back since I broke. Yup, leaving home has never felt better. Not that I hate it, being at home, it's just that all those time I spent meddling in chores and whatnot has always feel like I could be doing something else more helpful and purposeful. It feels like I was stewing in an old pool of shame and resentment at not being good enough. Now, I feel like I have a mission . A soldier back on the fields. ( John Watson, I feel you. *salute* ) Of course, walking among strange faces helps. No...

Dear Tomorrow, I didn't know we'd walk that path, even as I knew the eventual ending of the route, it seemed so effortless how we fit, the puzzles we were never meant to be. The pranks we pulled and the memes we shared, all the puns and references nobody has ever been able to understand, much less converse. You fit in my world so well. Dear my Someday, I wish you all the best in life,  all that you hoped to have and give achieved to your standard, don't expect me to wait for you though, because I'm not that much of a masochist, you do yours,  and I'll do mine. I won't wait around, I won't chase anything I'm not supposed to, I've always been lost and it's okay if you never find me. I will keep writing though, because if I don't, I'll drive myself crazy, till I'm out of words and back again, same as always, I'll stare at this blank page, knowing you'll never read them. Dear my Never, this i...

I woke up with a jolt, and an eerie sense of nostalgia. The nightmare was fading away the second I opened my eyes, but the tear tracks remain cold and stinging on my face. I turned to my pillow and sniffed wetly at the cold spot. Another one. I let out a sigh. I reached out to my phone, thinking to read some fluffy Destiel fics before I get up and start the day. I didn't want to start it with this kind of awakening. Then I read the wrong fic. Perhaps the author was lost in the art of tagging. Perhaps he/she forgot to plaster a warning of triggers on the fic but either way, it was too late when I finished it.  I spent the next two hours sobbing and sniffling into my already wet pillow. Dean wouldn't hurt Cas like that. Never. This is wrong. WRONG . And yet there were doubts needlessly voicing their unwanted opinions. He wouldn't.... break Cas like that.. Sure, the hunter was freaking insensitive sometimes and they've both beaten each other bloody (almost kill...