AkImA No NiKkI

It's one of those blessed good nights. The sky is starry, the moon is out, there is a cool breeze going in and out and dancing across the room pirouetting their way out the window in the living room where I sit in front of my laptop at the table, sipping my sweet lemon tea, warmth from freshly boiled water creeping through my body. I thought about changing out of the tank top into something comfier, but I figured the soft pastel of blue and white matches my emotions for now so I leave it be.  I couldn't find my soft pink kitty paws sweater anyway. It's been an ass-numbing day, despite waking up well-rested and having breakfast with good coffee with Jack on the phone -with the townhall meeting made obligatory for final year students. Granted, it lit up some educational lightbulbs with good Q&As but it was the notion that mattered. My ass was numb. This week has been hot because of the haze, global warming, and the slow easy puttering sound of our earth wheez...

Yes, you read it right. No, it's not "prettiness", it's "pettiness". Lose the "r", as in "petty". It's the first week of August, and date's growing nearer. There are a lot of things I wanna mention since the last post but, I figure what's past should be left in the past. Not to say we shouldn't learn from them though (the car-meds incident). Following up on the car-meds incident  (short run-through : I was supposed to get my meds update at the local hospital last 1st August but I was too scared to tell Mom since she disapprove of my 'crazy' meds and resorted, stupidly, to drive my own ass eventhough it would be the first time I'd have been behind wheels for the last 4 years. Long story short, I got my ass whooped when I got home and to top it off, I didn't even get my meds update because the local hospital, quote unquote, does not have the necessary qualifications for the medic I need. What bullshit.)...

The phone vibrated violently with the alarms loudly going off with the text flashing "WAKE UP FOR CLASS DAMMIT YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE" beside her pillow, messy black hair fanning out the sides like gravity demands it per physics. She rolled towards the sound, face pinched unpleasantly at the wake-up call and moved her hands, patting around the general area of the phone with her eyes closed. Her roommate, all ready and pristine for her morning class rolled her eyes at the all too familiar sight. She moved to wake her. "Jamie. James, wake up. D'ya have class this morning?" she asked, close to the not-awake mass of grumbling body on the grey-sheets bed but not touching her.  The aforementioned grumbling body -Jamie, apparently- grunts not-quite an answer, and shifts her head slightly towards the voice of her roommate and slurred, "Nnnoo..ain't got'nyclass till 2..". The roommate nodded her acknowledgement and left the still-grumbling body b...

I'm planning a day of exploring and adventure tomorrow, or today, actually, looking at the time. Not first thing in the morning like I would've liked to because I regretfully have stupid co-curriculum stuff but at least it's only couple of hours at asscrack in the morning so it doesn't cut into the day all that much. After that, I'm bolting it. Plan? I'm gonna see cats. And play with cats. Surround myself with cats. Like a therapy with cats. PALAM don't got any cats (like a lucky charm that's only found if you go on a sacred journey and fulfill a grand quest to save the world) and somehow this morning (well, yesterday morning but whatever) I just thought, I need to see (and possibly touch) some cats or I'm gonna go crazy. You can say it's a random thought that popped in. That I will most definitely impulsively follow. Because cats. It'll probably seem jarring what I'm writing right now compared to the recent previous post ...

I AM DYING I AM POSITIVELY DYING I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BUT EP 10 JUST CAME OUT YESTERDAY AND WE GOT MONDAY AND TUESDAY OFF SO I FIGURED IT'D BE FINE TO FINALLY BINGEWATCH HAIKYUU!! SEASON 3 KARASUNO VS SHIRATORIZAWA AND I JUST FINISHED BINGE-WATCHING IT THAT'S WHY THIS POST IS GOING TO BE IN FULL CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I AM SCREAMING FAIRLY WARNED ALSO THERE WILL BE NO PUNCTUATIONS WHATSOEVER  BECAUSE I AM SCREAMING AND DYING AND WHEEZING AND SPAZZING ALSJSSDUFYURFYBGCTYBGCDSBJSJDGHSDFGKSDEYRETIRYTYRUODJHJDFBJSDBCJBCBVJDGFHJGUGSSHHFHRUGURYRYTUROEPWODASKDJDJHFDBVNBVNCXVBJFHGHJGRYSEURYYTIUAKHSDJGADFHGGASKDLFLKJSDKKJFHRTURTIRFUSADJHDKJAJKSAKJFBVCNBVNBVNCBVNBVJHFGGFSUKJDAHFJDBMNBVMNCVHJDGFKJGKSFGLDSHGKJDBVBVMNCBVNCMBVHJBV OOHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GGGGOOOOOODDDDDDDDD MY SOOOOOONNNSSSSS MY BABIESSSSSSSSSSSSSS TSUKKI YOU SALTY SON OF A MAMA CROW I AM SO FUCKING PROUD HOW HOW HOW THE HELL IS MY HEART SO FULL AND HAPPY AND I AM CRYING DEAR GOD I AM ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY CR...

Midterm is starting. I'm still at college and my bus ticket is tonight so I'm taking it easy after this week's rush. Roomie is already packing up as I type in these words, empty tupperware smelling of instant noodle beside me and a half-empty mug of coffee slowly turning lukewarm on the other side. Since midterm's only a week, I'm not bringing home anything much other than clothes and books. Maybe the smaller luggage so I could leave it at home to make packing at the end of finals easier. It's been a little after 2 months since I've gone home. I miss my family. Thunder is just roaring outside as I glance out the window every so often. Our view overlooks the cafe and the 5th block with a fair share of the trees surrounding at the back of aforementioned block. I think there's a picture of it in my IG somewhere... [ This one. ] It's 3 p.m but the cloud's not letting up. It's gonna be raining soon. This predicament is strangely ...

Yesterday we (me with three classmates) went to SK Slim Village (where Bro teach) for a project observation for a subject. Of course, we cleared out the formalities between the faculty and the school parties beforehand. We rented out a car for half a day with a fairly reasonable price and went off our way with the help of a navigational app. I have my agenda for suggesting the school in the first place, naturally, that is to pop-in and see Sis for a short while. The rest didn't seem to mind, taking my connection with a willing candidate a plus, if anything else. If they minded, they didn't show. In the middle of a class activity It was fun, and our observation went smoothly. I daresay to expect the end result to be well -if not slightly tilted- done. Though that is yet to be judged by the lecturer lol We finished by the end of the class, and gave our respects and thank-gift by the office before leaving for Sis's house (I'm not sure if the term 'my second ho...

Just got into my new room for the new semester. Thankfully, roomie waited for me so that we could register as roommates together.  I made her wait so long though, kinda feels sorry for that. While it was nice to spend a night at Sis's and see her again, gotta remember to come earlier next sem. The whole journey from the moment we reached the opening gate of PALAM to the college grounds were packed as all hell. My legs are jelly from all the standing from lining-up.  I've got my courses registered and my academic fees paid. I've got my luggage settled in my room, courtesy of big bro, so I should be A-OK till next class tomorrow morning. The schedule's out but we all know it's just temporary until better ones are made. It's just gonna be a week anyway, and I've already got my ticket home for EidulAdha. Sis called when I was unpacking but there was static and I couldn't hear her at all. She wasn't well throughout the 2 hours travel and I insiste...

Oooossuu~ Okay, recently I've started watching Haikyuu!!! and it's basically the first time I've ever watched a sports-based anime, KageHina pairing notwithstanding. I mean, I like the pairing first before the anime and that's usually how I find my fandoms. I see a cute pairing, I wonder who they are, I look them up, and proceed to ship them. Then I see their friends, and I wonder how the plot went connecting around them. Eventually, I would've been sucked into the whirlpool of binge-watching the series and ended up loving them even more. It's a series of unending obsession with one thing after another, tbh. LOL KageHina pairing is cute as balls, I admit. They remind me a lot of SasuNaru, in a way, but not entirely similar. Hinata has as much character as Naruto and Kageyama to Sasuke. And DaiSuga is definitely the Dad-Mom pairing of the group, although to be frank, when you're in a more-than-5 group of friends, you're likely to have one Dad fr...

Ayyy waddup it's someone's 20th birthday today and lemme tell you who. ............ Nah bruh I ain't tellin you shit! Lololol you gotta guess 'cause we all run on intelligence and dope 'round here xDD   Imma give you clues tho, so you don't cry if you suck ass. ;P She goes by female pronouns. She slay like a mothafuckin queen, you won't dare breathe towards her. She got a fuckin black hole of a stomach tho but you know what, who tf in this world don't love food 'cause imma tell you right now she loves food more than life and we all fuckin love her for it. OOOHHH and everything is out to get her to bleed like a free blood donation from everything  and I MEAN  EVERY-FUCKING-THING  for instance, papers? yup, cut her like a sword. leaves? sure, open that skin layers bruh. Oxygen? at this point, why the hell not. Irene started carrying boxes of patch-me-ups for this, I ain't kidding, man. She got a brain so sexy Sherlock and Moriarty be due...

  Soooo good thing about my period this month is it's free cramps this time around. Bad thing is, the urge to hibernate and lack of appetite. And I'm sitting for my finals right now and those definitely are inappropriate as of the moment. Since it's Ramadhan, it's easy to pass off the lack of eating during the day but not so much after iftar. Roomie is used to this habit by now, knowing my hibernating urge during period is like fighting off waves on a stormy season and you're skinny dipping. I'm happy for the lack of insane pain of hot poker scrambling my womb like cheese mozzarella that is called cramps though and given any other time, I'd gladly take malnutrition and hibernation in a stride against cramping. Sleep is much better than unwarranted pain anyway, less folding myself like origami and more blissful dreams. But it makes time flies and I need to study for the papers, so once again I'm eternally grateful for roomie making sure my abnormal s...

Olas. We're up to 9 days in Ramadhan now. 3 more weeks to go, or less. So far, fasting here in PALAM feels natural, doesn't change much from when I was in Shah Alam.  Maybe slightly better, even. Back then, I didn't care much on my diet, only making sure it was enough to keep me going for the tight schedule. As long as it's food, I'd be fine with it. Here, I could have space for my preferences. Granted, there aren't much variety up here, but yknow, we make do with the best we have. What I preferred, I'm free to pursue, and vice versa. It's the little things that feels more gratifying than we'd think. I don't call home that often, once a week, maybe. I guess it was more often than before Gawai, but that's neither here nor there. I call to check in, both for their benefit and mine. I missed one last week, Dad didn't pick up. So I called again tonight, and Dad called back. The usual chit-chat is always refreshing though it rarely cha...

It's the 3rd day of Ramadhan and finals is in 2 weeks. Last Gawai break at home was....well, to put it simply, progressive. I didn't entirely hate it, minus the one or four times I wanted to throw myself over a bridge but that's not out of the ordinary, so that's that. Baby bro and Mia made things a little bearable, I suppose. Yeay for little siblings, right?  By now, I've already finished most of my assignments and should focus on the coming finals. Roomie reminded me to get an early ticket home for Eid before it's all gone, eventhough we just got back. Well, it's Eid, so it's understandable. Considering we're changing rooms next term, we have to clear out our things by Eid as well. The thought of lugging heavy sets of luggage around on a 12+ hour trip bus puts a frown on my face but if shove comes to push, I guess there's no other way around it. Dad told me to hitch a ride home with Sis and stuff my crap at her place. Since we didn'...

"Stay." "Don't leave me." "Promise me." All my life, people come and go, as they are wont to do. Even the ones I wanted to stay, in the end, never really did. These words are no stranger to my thoughts, my lips, my soul.  Yet I've never been the receiving end of it. Until Amelia. Somehow, it comes back to her. Like a circle of infinity. Sis and I, we are bonded by blood. Yet it is with she that I needed to keep a reminder of the necessity for a gap of a sort. The knowledge that regardless of how close or tight we are as siblings, we each have our separate paths to walk and I acquiesced to it. She has never needed me to stay, nor to acknowledge each other's psyche. I am the Sam to her Dean, and we all know how disastrous those two's relationship is. Unbearably strong, yes, but destructive in its own way. We are aware of each other's mind, yes, but we are reluctant to explore its depth. At least, that's how it seems to...

It feels nice to revel in my old glass of solitude again, like the good ol' times. Way before the silence I love was twisted into everything and anything to drive me to insanity (literally) just by manipulating rough unwanted touches. It was my happy little pocket of peace and calm serenity before it became the sinister calm before the storm. Now, that past is behind me, and I feel the soothing cold of old familiarity as I bask in the peaceful silence I thought I'd never gain back since I broke. Yup, leaving home has never felt better. Not that I hate it, being at home, it's just that all those time I spent meddling in chores and whatnot has always feel like I could be doing something else more helpful and purposeful. It feels like I was stewing in an old pool of shame and resentment at not being good enough. Now, I feel like I have a mission . A soldier back on the fields. ( John Watson, I feel you. *salute* ) Of course, walking among strange faces helps. No...