This Game of Pettiness
Yes, you read it right.
No, it's not "prettiness", it's "pettiness". Lose the "r", as in "petty".
It's the first week of August, and date's growing nearer.
There are a lot of things I wanna mention since the last post but, I figure what's past should be left in the past. Not to say we shouldn't learn from them though (the car-meds incident).
Following up on the car-meds incident (short run-through : I was supposed to get my meds update at the local hospital last 1st August but I was too scared to tell Mom since she disapprove of my 'crazy' meds and resorted, stupidly, to drive my own ass eventhough it would be the first time I'd have been behind wheels for the last 4 years. Long story short, I got my ass whooped when I got home and to top it off, I didn't even get my meds update because the local hospital, quote unquote, does not have the necessary qualifications for the medic I need. What bullshit.) there is one thing I need to reiterate.
The medicine is helping.
No, I will not overdose.
I understand (this particular) Amelia's and Irene's reasons for being scared, mostly because I've given them the right to whenever my stupid ass decides to do something moronic. I'm aware of that.
But you have to believe me on this when I say that the meds ARE helping.
I keep a journal to track my records and I've made comparisons with my old journals so there is the obvious arch of the before and after progress. These are facts, not guesses.
I'm not relying on them fully 100%. I know they only help about no more than 20% and the rest is up to my own personal change. Amelia's advice of putting up a 'barricade' on my mental door turns out to be a huge lifesaver during my last breakdown.
I felt a little bit like Peter Pan with a side of sassy Stiles-Tony combo, lol.
Always trying to think happy thoughts while occasionally sassing the hell out of my demons. It's a nice change for once. I slept at 11 p.m that night, an outright win if I ever see one, honestly.
I'm getting over the itchiness to physically harm myself on top of after being declared suicidal-risk free. The urge is nearly almost gone. Not a single red welt throughout all these weeks even with the occasional hiccups with Mom and Dad.
Tbh, I'm pretty proud of that.
Did you know I'm caffeine-clean for nearly 7 months since I took on the meds?
Not a drop of coffee in me, I swear.
Mum would be horrified at me lol (no worries, Mum, I'll just get hot choc next time we have a movie night ^^)
Now bear in mind I was being petty when I did this, alright?
The night after Mom put my ass in the blender and pushed 'puree', I decided to try out an experiment. So I skipped that night's anxiety pills and next morning's antidepressant pills in a row. That lasted till around 5 p.m when I caught myself swaying dangerously to the floor, unconscious. I began to feel doubtful and search up "fluoxetine and alprazolam withdrawal" on the net. Well, it's not like I can call up my doc and ask now, can I?
Of course, it's the internet we're talking about so take these with a boatload of salt, mind you. Finding 1. Finding 2.
So you see, I can't take off the meds, regardless. It's kinda like antibiotics, yet more to I have to taper them off slowly so that my system can properly recognize the change.
I took my antidepressant soon after that, and the pains slowly disappeared.
I did it out of spite, at the time, because everybody seemed so against me taking them.
I wanted to see if there would be repercussions if I suddenly drop them off. Conclusion? It does. Consider my hypothesis achieved and the experiment a success.
I'm slowly tapering off the anxiety pills for now, as per my doc's last prescription.
Prozac might take a little longer, though.
No, it's not "prettiness", it's "pettiness". Lose the "r", as in "petty".
It's the first week of August, and date's growing nearer.
There are a lot of things I wanna mention since the last post but, I figure what's past should be left in the past. Not to say we shouldn't learn from them though (the car-meds incident).
Following up on the car-meds incident (short run-through : I was supposed to get my meds update at the local hospital last 1st August but I was too scared to tell Mom since she disapprove of my 'crazy' meds and resorted, stupidly, to drive my own ass eventhough it would be the first time I'd have been behind wheels for the last 4 years. Long story short, I got my ass whooped when I got home and to top it off, I didn't even get my meds update because the local hospital, quote unquote, does not have the necessary qualifications for the medic I need. What bullshit.) there is one thing I need to reiterate.
The medicine is helping.
No, I will not overdose.
I understand (this particular) Amelia's and Irene's reasons for being scared, mostly because I've given them the right to whenever my stupid ass decides to do something moronic. I'm aware of that.
But you have to believe me on this when I say that the meds ARE helping.
I keep a journal to track my records and I've made comparisons with my old journals so there is the obvious arch of the before and after progress. These are facts, not guesses.
I'm not relying on them fully 100%. I know they only help about no more than 20% and the rest is up to my own personal change. Amelia's advice of putting up a 'barricade' on my mental door turns out to be a huge lifesaver during my last breakdown.
I felt a little bit like Peter Pan with a side of sassy Stiles-Tony combo, lol.
Always trying to think happy thoughts while occasionally sassing the hell out of my demons. It's a nice change for once. I slept at 11 p.m that night, an outright win if I ever see one, honestly.
I'm getting over the itchiness to physically harm myself on top of after being declared suicidal-risk free. The urge is nearly almost gone. Not a single red welt throughout all these weeks even with the occasional hiccups with Mom and Dad.
Tbh, I'm pretty proud of that.
Did you know I'm caffeine-clean for nearly 7 months since I took on the meds?
Not a drop of coffee in me, I swear.
Mum would be horrified at me lol (no worries, Mum, I'll just get hot choc next time we have a movie night ^^)
Now bear in mind I was being petty when I did this, alright?
The night after Mom put my ass in the blender and pushed 'puree', I decided to try out an experiment. So I skipped that night's anxiety pills and next morning's antidepressant pills in a row. That lasted till around 5 p.m when I caught myself swaying dangerously to the floor, unconscious. I began to feel doubtful and search up "fluoxetine and alprazolam withdrawal" on the net. Well, it's not like I can call up my doc and ask now, can I?
Of course, it's the internet we're talking about so take these with a boatload of salt, mind you. Finding 1. Finding 2.
So you see, I can't take off the meds, regardless. It's kinda like antibiotics, yet more to I have to taper them off slowly so that my system can properly recognize the change.
I took my antidepressant soon after that, and the pains slowly disappeared.
I did it out of spite, at the time, because everybody seemed so against me taking them.
I wanted to see if there would be repercussions if I suddenly drop them off. Conclusion? It does. Consider my hypothesis achieved and the experiment a success.
I'm slowly tapering off the anxiety pills for now, as per my doc's last prescription.
Prozac might take a little longer, though.
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