AkImA No NiKkI

I'm upset. The first time for this year that I am upset at home. It's not his fault, really. It's not. I just...-I'm not... I-I.. *takes a deep breath* I'm just upset.. Is all. It was my choice to tell him. The truth. Everything. I hoped that it wouldn't be necessary, for me to explain. Because that would mean re-opening my wounds and scars for him to see. But.. well.. It's not his fault. I don't blame him. I want to take this secret to my grave, and it's horribly selfish of me but I don't want to be the one to break it to my parents. So I had other people do it for me. He looked like he didn't want to keep this on his own, but I told him that he could tell anyone he wants -my parents, my family, my relatives, whoever related to me- after I die. Some of them may have a hunch that something is wrong with me. I don't give a shit. So long as it doesn't have to come outta my mouth. I asked Kei out today, for the...

I can't help feeling the exact same way as Derek did in this fic.It's called Illuminated and the words are beautifully sculptured.I for one totally understands how emotionally constipated Derek is about Stiles. Even though most of the time I get in sync with the awkward flailing teen but in this one,I get Derek. As he is,I am also afraid of falling in love.But then again,aren't everyone? Derek has been burned - no pun intended - too many times especially after Kate fucking Argent.Loving Stiles,or,realizing he was rapidly falling for the spark with the knowledge of his unsuccessful track records of relationships would be terrifying. Stiles had a long list of unobtainable crushes including a certain strawberry blond Ms.Martin.He knows well the feel of rejection,it's taste bitter like gourd. As I like to phrase it,even as we expected the pain,it didn't take away the hurt any less.I never had to deal with rejection before because there was simply no nee...

At this wee hours of morning,I'm pretty sure my brain have stopped functioning therefore leaving my mouth to ramble all I want.Much like Stiles,really. Except that I'm not half deep in shit to save some huge ungrateful werewolf asses.I literally have hard time believing Google actually holds all the answers to mankind which by the way,way too exaggerating because really. Google? No offense,they're awesome as fuck and all but not to that point. I'm in the middle of watching Hannibal season 2 and just closed my last fill of Sterek pack bonding family fluffy fics.Tell me those two combinations are weird beyond belief. *roll eyes* I thought about the whole snapping and depression and humiliation thing before with Mom and Dad and Onee-san.The thing about my result. I suppose it's a bit immature of me to act so dramatic over the whole thing.My insecurities are my own case.I wasn't supposed to blame them for it. More often than not,I tend to feel inadequate i...

If I say 'fuck you Jeff Davis',will he say 'fuck me' back? I'm tempted to try.I hate him,I do.As I assume all Sterek shippers do,but I quote from Stephen King's CELL,"assume makes an ass out of you and me.". I still can't get over Sterek.Still on denial.and delusional.I knew Sterek before I knew TW.That changes everything to me.And yes,I'm a bit biased on Stiles but it's understandable.I love Derek too but I'm leaning on Stiles a bit more. We have something in common,so.

Yeah,the title says it all.It's like,a divorce filed during the honeymoon phase.I think I could really hear the sound of the pieces of my heart if I shake hard enough,like the sound sand makes when you put them in a glass. It's cruel.It's inhuman. *sobs*sobs* I never thought the one who gave TW life could do this to it's fans.To Sterek fans.I've always thought that false hope is the worst kind of torture you could ever give to people and it is.I mean,why give hope when you weren't gonna keep it alive? Jeff Davis is that kind of man. All that fuss about Sterek and now it's gone.poof.just like that.one word.okay,maybe few words,but not the point here.All it takes for him is just few words to break millions of Sterek die-hard-shippers' hearts into tiny tiny millions of pieces.I hope you feel GREAT about it Jeff Davis. Goddammit this is so hard.

I just read Onee-san's latest post.Well,she's still crazy with Sterek for now and I can't say I disagree.Currently,it's the hottest shipping we encountered. I see why she's distraught by the lack of positive reactions towards Derek's personal life.It's true that Derek was not in the wrong in the cause of the Hale fire.Kate was a psychotic bitch.Derek was young and he was manipulated by her. Like Onee-san said,Derek needs a lot of TLC.And it's possible that the only one who can give him this is Stiles,partly because he was the only person who might get how Derek really feels no matter how emotionally constipated he is. Also,Onee-san is a bit on Derek's side but I'm more to Stiles's.I mean that,she feels more for Derek and not that I'm saying he doesn't deserve it  in fact he needs it more than most it's just that I understand Stiles better.Something we can relate. They could really use a relationship upgrade. Of course y...