It's Terrifying.

I can't help feeling the exact same way as Derek did in this fic.It's called Illuminated and the words are beautifully sculptured.I for one totally understands how emotionally constipated Derek is about Stiles.
Even though most of the time I get in sync with the awkward flailing teen but in this one,I get Derek.

As he is,I am also afraid of falling in love.But then again,aren't everyone?
Derek has been burned - no pun intended - too many times especially after Kate fucking Argent.Loving Stiles,or,realizing he was rapidly falling for the spark with the knowledge of his unsuccessful track records of relationships would be terrifying.

Stiles had a long list of unobtainable crushes including a certain strawberry blond Ms.Martin.He knows well the feel of rejection,it's taste bitter like gourd.
As I like to phrase it,even as we expected the pain,it didn't take away the hurt any less.I never had to deal with rejection before because there was simply no need to.

I rarely like someone and even when I do,I preferred to be in the dark for as long as I can withheld.I would have brought the secret to my grave.
Until recently,that is.
I must say it wasn't a pleasurable confrontation.In fact,it was rather confusing but I didn't want to spend another uncomfortable second with the pain growing in my chest.




I understand the fear of realizing that you have somehow fallen in love with this person.Falling for someone makes me feel vulnerable and that's in it's own very sense is absolutely terrifying.Like Derek said,defenseless.

It gives the person free opening to hurt me in various places and various ways.Consciously or unconsciously.

Also the issue of trust.It means I would turn my back to the person in hope that he would not raise his hand and stab me.Complete trust.
I know I wouldn't,because I'm not that kind of person.I've never stabbed anyone in the back before,not in big things anyway.Ratting my siblings out doesn't count.lol

"I'm scared of how you make me feel. I'm scared of how I want to submit to you. I'm scared of how much I trust you. I'm scared I won't be able to protect you. "  - Derek Hale

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