AkImA No NiKkI

Thank God for 123movies for uploading the whole ep because by God I've been sweeping through Google list for an on9 stream even while making sociology notes in between. Thank you, multi-tasking. Here comes the screaming rant. (takes deep breath) JOHN YOU MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD WAS IT THE HAIR IT WAS THE HAIR ISN'T IT IT WAS THE HAIR THAT CHANGED YOU TO A FUCKING BASTARD ISN'T IT OOOHHHHHHH BOI YOU GON GET IT I MEAN I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE MARY THAT MUCH BECAUSE SHE SHOT SHERLOCK DUHH BUT MOST OF ALL I DO NOT LIKE TO SEE SHERLOCK IN PAIN BOTH EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY SO DON'T YOU DARE JOHN DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE PUT THIS ON HIM I SWEAR YOU ARE A FUCKING ARMY DOCTOR YOU ARE THE HEART TO SHERLOCK'S BRAIN SO DON'T YOU HURT HIM JOHN DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE DON'T YOU PUSH HIM AWAY LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE SHERLOCK LOVES YOU YOU WHO FIRST ACCEPTED HIM AND GAVE HIM A SOUL AND BECAME HIS HEART NOT YOU WHO GAVE HIM THE ABILITY TO LOVE PAST BEYO...

I've issued a trigger warning in the title so please, if you don't like these things, turn away IMMEDIATELY. I refuse to be something my tormentors gave me. I've been re-reading my things, lately. I've got my old phone fixed and I'm using it again, storing the recent one in the drawers. As per usual, I went through the things to make sure nothing is missing.  Pictures, videos, songs, contacts, and......notes. The last one is important. More important than the contacts because I could care less if I lost a few numbers here and there, either I'd get it back if I ever need them or we'd accidentally cross path. No biggie. But notes... They're secrets. My deepest, darkest, secrets. Don't people use their notes app in their phones as a diary? I'm pretty sure I saw it once in IG. Either way, I opened it and re-read the pages I made for the past 2 years. Dear God, I was such a whiny ass little crybaby of a bitch back then. Of course, it was w...

Hello. Two nights ago, sis and I were talking on the phone, me listening out to her rants as she unloads a bunch of shit that's been dropped on her head recently. I can tell she had used the residual energy to caught up on her fandoms, since we were near high as fuck spouting fandom references like rainbows out of a pot of gold. It was awesome. She persuaded me to spend the weekends with her, and after discussing things a bit with my roomie, I decided it was worth playing hooky for once. Consider it a 'family emergency'. I missed the thing we always do with changing from one ship to another regardless of the different fandoms they are from. We were talking about Hannibal because when we're discussing plain murder, Hanny is pretty much the best to go.  It's like what I always say, if you're planning a murder, make sure you get away with it. Moriarty's too big a picture to get involved with anyway. ( Although cases in SPN and Sherlock could be helpfu...

Oh, hello, young beautiful readers. As you can see from the title, I have devised a strategic and wonderful plan filled with youthful determination to revert myself to the old me who had zero fucks to give. No, I do not need your opinion nor do I want it, but if you are curious to the reasons, you may stay and listen. And remember, whatever it is you have to say, I will smile and politely react with sentences along the lines of "pardon me good person but I do not give a fuck." . I will hear a lot of words from such  reactions such as "immature" , "childish" , "stupid" , "naive" , "bitch" , "asshole" , "annoying" , etc etc. But worry not, for I do not give a fuck. Ah, I can feel the tension and stress slipping away from my bones already. What a wise choice it was, wasn't it? :)) You see, I was a happy and content child. I gave no fucks to everything that wasn't important and I was happy. ...

Who needs social life when you can have a fandom one? That's what I always say. hehe Also, there is such a thing as a multi-fandom. I mean, right now I'm rock bottom in SPN Fandom but that doesn't mean I'm not in the Avengers Fandom or Sherlock Fandom or Harry Potter Fandom. Frankly, I can fangirl to any words in any of these fandoms, namely burst into a puddle of gross sobbing and wailing tears. Be thankful I'm not in any musical band's fandom. At first I thought, I'd just watch these series and see if it's good. I didn't expect to be consumed by them and have them willingly ruin my life and soul for eternity.  Nobody expects it, trust me. It just....happens.  In real world, I function as normal as everyone else. Unless someone mentions any triggering words associated with the fandoms, everything should be safe. LOL Things get real tricky when we fangirls/boys recognize each other though. Like meeting an estranged family member who yo...

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is the best of the best anime can offer.  I resolutely stand by this statement, even when there are countless of other animes that can teach us many things such as Gosick, Soul Eater, The Children who Chased Lost Voices, Code Geass, Sword Art Online, Tokyo Ghoul, No 6, and many more I could name. The first moment I finished FMAB, it felt like I had gone through a life and came out in tatters. So much truth put in one series. So much life. Especially when it's adorned with death. When has it not? Life and Death goes hand in hand. The one thing I love the most was the First Law of Alchemy, Equivalent Exchange. It is fair, is it not? To give all and take nothing is arguably noble. Modern people would say it's stupid and wasteful. Wise people would know that there is something more at work than the naked eyes. On the other hand, to take all and give nothing is selfish. No arguments. I don't watch these things for entertainme...

Some people can move from book to book easily. Flitting about from one hard-cover to another soft worn bind. They go through their stacks of books in record time, leaving them more often than not, bereft with repetition until they stack up a new stock. Others, like me, find it not as easy. I'm not saying anything, whether it's bad or good or both. That depends on one's opinion and preferences. I am putting this, as always, to put my own mind to rest. Once, I was like that too.  Flitting my way book to book, bind to bind, eager to fill up my whole mind with new and fresh substance. Like a hummingbird on a flower craze. I didn't dwell on one story once I deemed the plot and such satisfactory or more. I needed to find something to look forward to so I won't be bored. I had small attention-span as young minds often do. I figured, once I finish this book, I'll know how it ends and how it goes so I can always read it again. The notion remains pointles...

Topic : Bullying. In my opinion, a major anomaly yet being treated as "normal" in our society shows how much of a defective society we are. Who are we to judge someone a 'freak'? God? Saint? But this fact is lost to children. Bullies in highschool or workplace can be rationalized, because the mind is capable of words. Middle or primary school, however, should be prevented from the beginning. Just like in Kazoku Game. Sis recommended me a Korean drama called Who Are You : School 2015. It's about sisterhood and stuff but I'm only 6 eps deep and all I see is various cases of bullying. Highchool and adult world aside, children who bullies are children either shrieking help of abuse or shrieking the ways they are taught.  If this was 10 years or 5 years ago, I wouldn't have thought from the bullies POV. Because my priorities were small, and my bullshit tolerance even smaller. I've never been bullied my whole life. I stand up for myself, and I ta...

Drama performance was today.  And it was fine, by my standards. We did okay. And it has also been yet another enlightening event of why I fucking hate people. Yes, the script isn't ours. But the punchlines are. And you people stole it from us. Making us look like idiots on stage. Therefore, thank you for empowering my justified reason on why the fuck I stayed away from the unnecessary contact of human beings in society. Because of such existence. All those 6 fucking weeks practicing and rehearsals, wasted into giggles and shit. Our energy and time. Those ideas were -are- Amelia's. At the very least they could have cited the fucking thing. *sarcasm duly noted* Of course not all of them were the culprits or partners in crime.  I was so fucking frustrated and pissed beyond measure. They were lucky I have control -what left of it- of my temper else I would've definitely break something.  Their faces, probably. I don't know if Sir noticed it. Don...

The last 48 hours would probably be my most remembered experience according to the Things That Happened When Coming Back Home file. Yes, I put caps lock on my files' titles. So I'm a freak like that, don't like it, ye can kiss my bumhole where the sun doesn't freakin shine. Everything was fine until my train stopped moving at 9 a.m at Dabong, Kuala Krai and never moved till the next morning at 2 a.m. I caught a fever the first night on the train because I ran about in the rain at the college, drawing out money and catching a cab by hand because the cab on my contact numbers were too far to reach.  At first I though, oh what the hell, I'd be fine soon as I got home, but then we got stranded and my fever got worse and my head pounds and pounds and pounds like some freakin african drumbeat and all things shot down to hell after that. Not to mention my phone died out of zero battery and the train got no place to charge the damn thing and can you imagine being st...

Fucking people. you know,God gave us this very awesome special gift called BRAIN and we're supposed to THINK with that instead of using our butts .Do not waste such beautiful gift! Now I see this place for what it really is. A hellhole . At first I was kind of weird,thinking, why the fuck are these Muslim females not wearing hijab? A voice suspiciously sounds like Onee-san would say ,"Islam atas name je tu." and then I would think, Islam REQUIRES female Muslims to cover our 'aurat' and I see that SOME of these creatures pray but if they pray,then why do they nor cover their 'aurat' ?? I know what their regular excuse if asked of this question( no doubt they've been asked this quite a LOT) - "tak sampai hidayah la you.." or "it's a choice! Everybody has one!" or "belum lagi kot...nanti2 la.." or "why do YOU care?" or "mind your own fucking business you little bitch." and so on. Of...

Season 2 of Hannibal makes drastic developments in the plots. The good news is,I've stopped being grossed out by Hanny's raw cooking of human insides.Or is that actually a bad news? Meh.  *shrugs* Season 1 didn't show much of Hanny,zooming into the left and right of Will's already-unstable-and-pushed-to-the-limit mind. Not saying it's a bad plot,rather awesome really because that leads to the understanding of later on in the next season. Season 2 is more of an enlightenment of Hanny's behaviour.That move with Alana was a really dick move,pretty sure even Peter won't go that far but at least he's not a cannibal but then again,who knows? He's called Crazy Peter for a reason. Jack is really slow for an FBI and is denial his default setting because for some reason even Jackass Frederick could see the obvious. Alana is the stupid bitch who hops back and forth like a whore.First Will,now Hanny.Next should be Jack after his wife died of freaking c...

I don't like mentioning the bastard.Even as we are tied by blood,born from the same flesh and related by all scientific ways,I preferred to pretend he does not exist . Ever since he dared to raise his hands against me,I severed our ties completely.Yeah we fight and brawl all the time when we were kids but it's not the same now. His arrogant way of thinking that he's the only person who's right all the time on this planet.Thought of us,his sisters,as mere toys to kick around. It pisses me off. In every family,there will be one big black sheep .

Her posts lately have been quite positive,rather than the usual glumliness (not even a word but what the heck) coating around it. In a way,it makes me glad but also wary.I'm glad she's standing up again, albeit shaky,but an admirable effort for her and wary that if she fall again,would she withhold. I feel guilty. Had I not approved.Had I sensed there was something wrong.Had I foreseen the way it turned.She would be wary.She would be on guard. She would not hurt.She would not break . The day I see red,sobs erupted,tears splattered.I wish it was blood instead. His blood. Until your own mother won't recognize you. I wanted so much to grip his neck and squeeze the very life out of his body . I wanted to lay out a plan and go over the tiny delicate details to slowly torture him and eradicate his existence from the planet. And I will do it with glee . It's just that,I was so happy..Seeing her happy. I didn't want to mention any of the killing ...

Gah. What is wrong with this guy?? Dammit,Kei was right! I'm so sorry,Kei,I should've listened to you.This guy's no better than Akira! Eurgh (-M-|||) Neither his so-called 'jokes' or his obviously corny pick-up lines are funny. *groans* Why do I always get stuck with this type? I'm not interested in dumb jocks! DDxx Scratch that,I'm not interested in ANY romantic relationship AT ALL ! Platonic ones I can tolerate,barely,if not holding the other person at arm's length at ALL times but romantic ones just flat out "NO" . Damn right. Why can't he just read between the freaking lines ??? We're freaking 18 years old now,that's the least he could've learned over the years.Has he not grown up at all??  My God. *facepalm* I'm being very generous and considerate in case of hurting his feelings but my patience is slowly running out.I have low tolerance for idiots. Persistence I could understand,may even admire at ...

I need something new to obsess with. If not,I might as well wallow in some make-believe angst bullshit just to pass the time.Nothing passes through my mind and I waddled through each day like a mindless robot,continuing my routines repeatedly. Onee-san hasn't been home for more than a month and I can't remember the last time she came home.God,I miss her so much. I suppose she must be suffering with all the rackets at her IPG. *sigh* And I guess asking her to take care of herself would be too much because that would be like asking a rock to float on it's own accords.She must be stressed out of her mind. Me on the other hand,is completely on the contrary.Well,minus the anxiety about the next coming results 10 days to come.And my driving test 4 days after that.My practice is going way out of hand and I'm not very much convinced whether or not I would pass.Which means I'll probably not.Gah. Though I suppose this is a peace I should make the most of entirel...

"Dreams aren't supposed to be real.Maybe that's why it was created in the form of one.Maybe we should not recreate it as it was not.Maybe dreams are better off as they were.Wishes." That was my thoughts when I watched a few reruns of FMAB.My first thought was that of the horrendous mistake the FMA anime had turned which they made up with FMAB. The original FMA manga created by Hiromu Arakawa is - as all mangas are - fictional.They were created as dreams,wishes,and for many purposes.Though for some who think that they are merely for entertainment,which they are,and so much more. When the *cough* stupid *cough* people tried to twist the plot far from the original manga - though in their defense,they probably had wanted to put more dramatic effects and the realness of reality into it but instead - as we all know it,had turned the anime into an unspeakable disaster which still exists to this day as proof. Undoubtedly,it must've been a tragedy to FMA shippers ...

I just finished Hannibal and the second season will start this year.I suppose it's relatively new since it was out last year.I'll try for the movie next . I wonder has it come out. It's a crime psychology(of a psychopath-well,one in particular) so the conclusion about the whole thing can be discussed later but for now, Hannigram . Hannigram stands for the shipping of Hannibal Lecto r and Will Graham .And you know what? I don't see it.The spark.The chemistry.Anything.I don't see it. How in the world did this shipping exist? I mean,Hanny (I started calling him that "Hannibal"s too long) manipulated Will and framed him for the crimes HE did.He manipulated every one of them and he had the advantage of Will's unstable state of mind. No wonder he's a damn psychiatrist.And a psychopath.And a cannibal. Cannibalism is a process of eating one's own kind,like fish.Big fish eat small fish,yes? Under some drastic circumstances,it may be par...