AkImA No NiKkI

The weekends was hella fun. The best weekends I've ever had this month, period. It was damn near worth it playing hooky with my co-curriculum class. Sis took me out swimming at a resort pool about an hour drive from home with her housemate and it was pretty fantastic. I haven't had a good swim since God knows when and I like the housemate enough for the situation to not feel awkward or uncomfortable. She fed me more than enough to last 3 average days in college and spoiled me with random wants of mine. As a result, I now acquire a shirt that says "WARNING : YOU ARE APPROACHING A PROFESSIONAL FANGIRL" and a couple of other things. It was awesome. But of course, as the weekends ended, so did my turn of being on the upside of the Fortune Wheel.  All of a sudden, my period hits me with a BLAM! on Monday and add a near crippling pain of cramping in the below stomach area, less work was done than it should that night. As it was, I lost my yellow file which held m...

It's been 6 days since I arrived well and safe at home from PALAM. My break ends on this 16th, which, now I realized, is 4 days away. Holy shit, I didn't even realize that till now lol wtf. Time is like sand around here sriously.  I've only been doing what I always do at home. Chores, read, binge-watch series, chores, and read again.  Speaking of reading, since I finished Mr Mercedes by Stephen King a while ago, I started on Carry On by Rainbow Rowell , the author of Fangirl and Eleanor&Park . I couldn't put it down and ended up finishing it in one day. Like a frickin addict. I finished Mr Mercedes in several weeks, not because I was busy (okay, half of it) or I read slow, it's because I try to savor my time with each book and spend more time with them personally instead of going through each page and to the next like an addict who's itching for a fix. I'm ashamed to say that I couldn't do the same with Carry On , because it's s...

I woke up with a jolt, and an eerie sense of nostalgia. The nightmare was fading away the second I opened my eyes, but the tear tracks remain cold and stinging on my face. I turned to my pillow and sniffed wetly at the cold spot. Another one. I let out a sigh. I reached out to my phone, thinking to read some fluffy Destiel fics before I get up and start the day. I didn't want to start it with this kind of awakening. Then I read the wrong fic. Perhaps the author was lost in the art of tagging. Perhaps he/she forgot to plaster a warning of triggers on the fic but either way, it was too late when I finished it.  I spent the next two hours sobbing and sniffling into my already wet pillow. Dean wouldn't hurt Cas like that. Never. This is wrong. WRONG . And yet there were doubts needlessly voicing their unwanted opinions. He wouldn't.... break Cas like that.. Sure, the hunter was freaking insensitive sometimes and they've both beaten each other bloody (almost kill...

Who needs social life when you can have a fandom one? That's what I always say. hehe Also, there is such a thing as a multi-fandom. I mean, right now I'm rock bottom in SPN Fandom but that doesn't mean I'm not in the Avengers Fandom or Sherlock Fandom or Harry Potter Fandom. Frankly, I can fangirl to any words in any of these fandoms, namely burst into a puddle of gross sobbing and wailing tears. Be thankful I'm not in any musical band's fandom. At first I thought, I'd just watch these series and see if it's good. I didn't expect to be consumed by them and have them willingly ruin my life and soul for eternity.  Nobody expects it, trust me. It just....happens.  In real world, I function as normal as everyone else. Unless someone mentions any triggering words associated with the fandoms, everything should be safe. LOL Things get real tricky when we fangirls/boys recognize each other though. Like meeting an estranged family member who yo...

Hey. So, Onee-san just went back to her IPG after 3 weeks of holidays and baby bro to his hostel yesterday, and I'm just here, basically changing from pajamas to pajamas. Literally. Like, I take a bath in the afternoon, change into pajamas, and take a bath again at night, also into pajamas. I just live in pajamas nowadays. And July is rounding up the corner. I don't know where I'm going with this, nowhere in particular, I think? I'm just rambling. Bla bla bla bla bla  Normally, this is where I go to speak about my mind. Honestly? Nowadays there're less thoughts than sounds and screams in there. Some days, it's good. Calming sounds. Sweet lullabies. Saccharine peace. Some days, it's numbing. Screams of rage. Guttural sound of voice chords being yanked over the voicebox out through the lips. Endless screams without a break of a breath. No voice but my own. I wonder why I have so much rage up there. Often when I feel frustrated or sad or disa...

Hey guys. Just a quick post, based on a some thoughts (and feels) during shower. I cried so bad reading A Winter's Tale , a Destiel fic, and it was the most I cried while reading a fic. I normally am capable of controlling my tears and sobs even while overwhelmed with fangirl-feels. I cried like a baby. I did. It feels good to immerse myself in a world where none of the real things in my life exist. I love when I am just a fangirl with too many emotions, and nothing mattered except for my OTPs and fandoms. No complications (a shit ton actually but it's a welcomed change) and no breakdowns, no meltdowns, no self-hatred (a shit ton of that too, I relate too much to all Dean, Sam, and Cas.) and practically, no life. It's a good escape. As much as a book will do. But a book ends. And for a moment, life reared its ugly head to focus. Same as when every time I finished a fic, I'd realize that nothing has changed, and I am still where I am. And that's dishearten...

(Caution : Misleading titles) But then you're already reading the post so, too late! ha. No, my heart is not broken. Well, figuratively.  SPN season 10 is all the rage with SPN fans these days, considering the heartbreaking development revealed. Then again, isn't it always with SPN? *chuckle* I just read Onee-san's latest post about the breaking (title pun. badumm-tss ) national news regarding the Myanmar Rohingya refugees and what a *beep* Malaysia is with their lack of helping actions. I know, it's rare that I censor my cursing but I'm pretty sure I can't say the word or else I'll get banned for treason. LOL Haters be like, "ya don't like it get outta this country bitch" and I'll be like, "yeah cuz shoving away dying people in need is REALLY cool and fucking-a awesome right fucktard". I've had a lot of time cramping in the house for almost 2 months and I haven't read a good book in weeks and I have a lot of pen...

Okay, first things first. FANGIRLS ASSEMBLE!!!!!!!!! xDDD I am SO back on Destiel ship. Woot woot! xDD Got back on those crack vids. Still managed to crack me up as hell (no pun intended) no matter how many times I've seen the same scenes. Because, nobody can really argue the awesomeness that are Misha, Jensen, Jared, and my new favorite, Mark Sheppard a.k.a Crowley. I've always liked his sarcasm, aaaaannddd, he's BRITISH! How is that NOT lovable. The BROTP he has going on with Dean is also welcomed. Teeheee x33 Alright. FANGIRLS DISMISS!! Next, I just had a supportive and heart-warming conversation regarding the awful two consecutive nights spent beside the toilet bowl from a member of the support club I am currently in. It makes me happy to know that so far, my decision to take this step hadn't blown in my face. And please life, do not take that and slam it in my face, I beg of you. It is in the light of these miracles that I feel a tiny bit of f...

I'm still going on strong on the Destiel ship and I fear, it's not going away. It might as well be on my shipping-forever-till-I-die list because nothing cracks me up like Sam and Dean's relationship as much as nothing saddens me like Dean and Cas's "profound bond" . I have never laughed so hard, and so long (do NOT make that pun, I dare you LOL) whenever I open up a SPN crack/humor vid because damn, behind the scenes? These guys are damn hilarious I swear I have to stop laughing or else I will pee my pants. Honest. I swear. With Crowley and the rest of the cast as well. They're just so funny! Between Dean,Sam,and Cas, when it comes to crack/humor vid, I'd choose Cas because Cas is...well, Cas. Especially the "I'll interrogate the cat" part. LOLOL The irony that the show runs basely on monsters, murders, betrayal, religion, and the hilariousness (oh yeah, that's a word and I'm using it) of the characters is..what...