Wrong Fic!
I woke up with a jolt, and an eerie sense of nostalgia.
The nightmare was fading away the second I opened my eyes, but the tear tracks remain cold and stinging on my face. I turned to my pillow and sniffed wetly at the cold spot.
Another one.
I let out a sigh.
I reached out to my phone, thinking to read some fluffy Destiel fics before I get up and start the day. I didn't want to start it with this kind of awakening.
Then I read the wrong fic.
Perhaps the author was lost in the art of tagging. Perhaps he/she forgot to plaster a warning of triggers on the fic but either way, it was too late when I finished it.
I spent the next two hours sobbing and sniffling into my already wet pillow.
Dean wouldn't hurt Cas like that. Never. This is wrong. WRONG. And yet there were doubts needlessly voicing their unwanted opinions. He wouldn't....break Cas like that.. Sure, the hunter was freaking insensitive sometimes and they've both beaten each other bloody (almost killed each other too) but Dean wouldn't....rip the angel's consent from him. He's the essence of humanity and FREE WILL....
No.
I refuse to hear otherwise.
IT WAS SO FUCKING DARK THERE SHOULD BE A SERIES OF WARNING TAGS ON THAT SHIT WTF WTF WTF WTF
I woke up just slightly shaken and then I was a frickin mess.
After the sniffling subsided, I got up and continued my morning routine per usual. My limbs work on auto-mode and that leaves many many rooms for my head. I started thinking on plots and possible scenes for my characters but all of them ends unhappily.
I don't hurt myself anymore, but when it becomes too much, I hurt them instead.
My other 'me's.
Ryushi and Ara are long dead, buried peacefully with their endings in a bow.
Akima and Roselle are lost, hidden behind old wounds and scars.
The ones left are Jamie and Hikaru, fresh and a blank canvas.
It was until I stuffed my headphones in and blared the music that my headspace quiets and the lyrics washed down the images. I just downloaded a few Paradise Fear songs ; Yours Truly, Who We Were With, Almost Didn't Count, Warrior, Home, Last Breath, and my utmost favorite, Battle Scars.
They made me quirk my first smile of today, and suddenly everything felt fine again.
My characters suddenly found an exit to end their suffering and they emerged alive. Broken, scarred, damaged, scared, tired, but alive.
Like me.
I put them on repeat, and the pain was forgotten.
The day continued as the rest.
The nightmare was fading away the second I opened my eyes, but the tear tracks remain cold and stinging on my face. I turned to my pillow and sniffed wetly at the cold spot.
Another one.
I let out a sigh.
I reached out to my phone, thinking to read some fluffy Destiel fics before I get up and start the day. I didn't want to start it with this kind of awakening.
Then I read the wrong fic.
Perhaps the author was lost in the art of tagging. Perhaps he/she forgot to plaster a warning of triggers on the fic but either way, it was too late when I finished it.
I spent the next two hours sobbing and sniffling into my already wet pillow.
Dean wouldn't hurt Cas like that. Never. This is wrong. WRONG. And yet there were doubts needlessly voicing their unwanted opinions. He wouldn't....break Cas like that.. Sure, the hunter was freaking insensitive sometimes and they've both beaten each other bloody (almost killed each other too) but Dean wouldn't....rip the angel's consent from him. He's the essence of humanity and FREE WILL....
No.
I refuse to hear otherwise.
IT WAS SO FUCKING DARK THERE SHOULD BE A SERIES OF WARNING TAGS ON THAT SHIT WTF WTF WTF WTF
I woke up just slightly shaken and then I was a frickin mess.
After the sniffling subsided, I got up and continued my morning routine per usual. My limbs work on auto-mode and that leaves many many rooms for my head. I started thinking on plots and possible scenes for my characters but all of them ends unhappily.
I don't hurt myself anymore, but when it becomes too much, I hurt them instead.
My other 'me's.
Ryushi and Ara are long dead, buried peacefully with their endings in a bow.
Akima and Roselle are lost, hidden behind old wounds and scars.
The ones left are Jamie and Hikaru, fresh and a blank canvas.
It was until I stuffed my headphones in and blared the music that my headspace quiets and the lyrics washed down the images. I just downloaded a few Paradise Fear songs ; Yours Truly, Who We Were With, Almost Didn't Count, Warrior, Home, Last Breath, and my utmost favorite, Battle Scars.
They made me quirk my first smile of today, and suddenly everything felt fine again.
My characters suddenly found an exit to end their suffering and they emerged alive. Broken, scarred, damaged, scared, tired, but alive.
Like me.
I put them on repeat, and the pain was forgotten.
The day continued as the rest.
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