GUESS WHOSE FUCKING BIRTHDAY IT ISSSSSSSSSS XD

Ayyy waddup it's someone's 20th birthday today and lemme tell you who.

 ............

 Nah bruh I ain't tellin you shit! Lololol you gotta guess 'cause we all run on intelligence and dope 'round here xDD   Imma give you clues tho, so you don't cry if you suck ass. ;P

 She goes by female pronouns. She slay like a mothafuckin queen, you won't dare breathe towards her. She got a fuckin black hole of a stomach tho but you know what, who tf in this world don't love food 'cause imma tell you right now she loves food more than life and we all fuckin love her for it. OOOHHH and everything is out to get her to bleed like a free blood donation from everything 
and I MEAN 
EVERY-FUCKING-THING 
for instance, papers? yup, cut her like a sword. leaves? sure, open that skin layers bruh. Oxygen? at this point, why the hell not. Irene started carrying boxes of patch-me-ups for this, I ain't kidding, man.

 She got a brain so sexy Sherlock and Moriarty be dueling for her, I shit you not. Altho sorry dude, I gotta stop you at that 'cause JOHNLOCK'S MY OTP but you're free to go with Moriarty tho. I'm sure you'll love the darker side even more, 'cause we click and no bright 'angel pure-hearted' ass can ever click with me LOL Sure she got an "angelic" face, as people SO love to comment her on, oh but we know the truth.
We 
fuckin
know
the
truth.
Those shitheads callin' her out for her "sweet, angelic" face? They fuckin dope asscrackers high on mosquito gas 'cause we all know the mastermind between us three. It ain't Mum, and it sure as hell ain't me. Hell most of the fuckin shit I got into was 'cause of her dinky ass and Mum is like the witness if I ever get into juvenile, again 'cause of her. 

 She sleeps like the log. In every single fuckin class when we were in Foundation. And I have to thank her for that else I wouldn't have gotten pics for a fuckin sweet montage I'm gonna make to play on her wedding day. I CALL DIBS ON THAT THE FIRST DAY I STARTED THIS LINE OF WORK YOU CAN'T AND WON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT 'CAUSE I CALLED FUCKING DIBS FROM DAY ONE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And if yo husband-to-be don't like it, he can piss the right off 'cause he gon be lookin at yo sleepin face everyday afterwards regardless so instead he better fuckin congratulate me for the sweet cheese of blackmail materials I have on you. *sweet, pure, bright smile*

 The numerous people she screwed over in Foundation? Yeah, still got em. Oh the poor people she scared the becheesin life out of in the toilet at night back at college. Mmmm hmmmm. And the dudes in other faculties tryin ta get into her phone contact, they'd beat a fuckin Starbuck's line, no joke. Mmmm hmmmmm. Thank God they didn't annoy her too much 'cause truth be told, I ain't got no more space to bury a body in the garden.
Whoops.

 Alright, alright, enough playing games. Imma tell you now, the birthday lady. Here she is.
Mmm hmm face still half-asleep, eyes unfocused and if you look close enough, the Z's can still be seen coming out of her head. My fucking anchor, people. Miss Amelia, as of today, 20 years fucking old. ;P
 I don't wanna put a sleeping pic in case I over-use my material for the montage. So y'all be gettin' a half-asleep half-awake pic instead. Damn near good precision moment tho lol 'cause she woke up just about I snap the fuckin pic. xDD
Ooooooo shit guess who. i'm in the red hoodie ofc. That smiling evil mastermind beside me? Eh, could be Moriarty's significant other, could be Voldemort's sister, could be Darth Vader's long lost twin, who the fuck knows?
This be me and Irene, who we call "Mum". She be the goddamn light of our lives, the sweet singing mockingbird illuminating our damned souls. This smol bean? You hurt her, you won't die. Death is too wasted on you.
I'll keep you alive till even Death pities you.
 Yeah some of you might be reading this shit and goes, "wow that's so inappropriate, is she dissing her bestfriend on her birthday" and stuff but guess what, I ain't stupid dumbo you crackerjacks assbutts. I know what she likes and dislikes and I don't want anything to be the 'ol sappy cheese-fuckin-crackers and shit on this post 'cause she don't like that kinda shit, yeah? In fact, you know why she eventually likes hanging out with my ass? 
'Cause she appreciates honesty. And damn honesty is my fuckin motto.

 She's tired of lying-ass bitches strutting around with their heads in the hole and their asses hanging out like grandmomma's heavy underwear, that's why she sticks with me. She can trust me to tell her if she slay or nah, if dat boi be fuckin with her or nah, if anything of the everything be shit or nah. And man, anyone hurt her within range of my knowledge...
RUN.
BETTER FUCKING RUN BITCH 'CAUSE NO ONE'S GONNA RECOGNIZE YO CORPSE ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU, HELL NOT EVEN YO MOMMA. RUN BITCH RUN.

 Trust is the base of our friendship. You best not fuck with it.
This is, by far, my most favorite picture of the three of us, ever.
Happy 20th Birthday, you fuckin dork. I love you. We love you.






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