am still processing. wish wouldn't be disturbed.
It's the 3rd day of Ramadhan and finals is in 2 weeks.
Last Gawai break at home was....well, to put it simply, progressive.
I didn't entirely hate it, minus the one or four times I wanted to throw myself over a bridge but that's not out of the ordinary, so that's that. Baby bro and Mia made things a little bearable, I suppose. Yeay for little siblings, right?
By now, I've already finished most of my assignments and should focus on the coming finals. Roomie reminded me to get an early ticket home for Eid before it's all gone, eventhough we just got back. Well, it's Eid, so it's understandable.
Considering we're changing rooms next term, we have to clear out our things by Eid as well. The thought of lugging heavy sets of luggage around on a 12+ hour trip bus puts a frown on my face but if shove comes to push, I guess there's no other way around it.
Dad told me to hitch a ride home with Sis and stuff my crap at her place.
Since we didn't have much of a good interaction when I was home (my fault. I didn't speak. Then again, I didn't know what to say.) I'd just hummed in vague responses.
Mom PM'ed me in the morning and gave me a lecture on how I'm being a selfish bitch and should just stow my shit and get my frick-a-fracks together up in the bumhole.
Well, with more euphemisms and flowery languages.
I wish I could say I've forgotten the whole shebang. I mean, I've forgiven them, yeah. But that isn't to say I'm over it that quick. It's surprising how much my emotions could still take me over and I have to struggle to keep them under lid.
I didn't know what to say. Maybe it's because I don't have any?
No idea. I'm still as confused about this whole roller coaster as I was months ago.
At least then, I could kick them out of the way and pretend everything is fine.
Now, not so much.
I repeat what I say as before.
I am not angry at the stranger. He's fine. He's out of the dodge.
I really couldn't care less other than brief annoyance over having to camp out in the living room for a couple of days and my movements being restricted in the house I was supposed to have free reigns in, more than usual. And even that glossed over with baby bro and mia sleeping beside me.
I'm just....frustrated? Disappointed? Idk.
Neither mom, dad, or sis seem to get that. As always, they just like to assume I'm being a selfish bitch on my own and being stubborn because I couldn't get my way.
Maybe if they'd text a single note of apology, everything would settle?
They don't seem to even know where's the issue here, actually. Doesn't seem to realize that the whole point of them shoving me away is to keep shoving me away till the end.
Maybe the issue would be done by then.
I'm just still processing. They took a lot of time and effort to shove me away about the issue, they could at least have the decency to give me the same amount of time and effort to let me process things on my own.
I admit, there's a possibility it could take years, but, hey. Never let it be said I do things half-assed, huh? The most agreeable outcome I could predict is the indifference I could take up in counter to the stranger. Though, really, indifference is the best I could offer.
I wish I could say more, but I don't know yet.
I'm still processing.
Last Gawai break at home was....well, to put it simply, progressive.
I didn't entirely hate it, minus the one or four times I wanted to throw myself over a bridge but that's not out of the ordinary, so that's that. Baby bro and Mia made things a little bearable, I suppose. Yeay for little siblings, right?
By now, I've already finished most of my assignments and should focus on the coming finals. Roomie reminded me to get an early ticket home for Eid before it's all gone, eventhough we just got back. Well, it's Eid, so it's understandable.
Considering we're changing rooms next term, we have to clear out our things by Eid as well. The thought of lugging heavy sets of luggage around on a 12+ hour trip bus puts a frown on my face but if shove comes to push, I guess there's no other way around it.
Dad told me to hitch a ride home with Sis and stuff my crap at her place.
Since we didn't have much of a good interaction when I was home (my fault. I didn't speak. Then again, I didn't know what to say.) I'd just hummed in vague responses.
Mom PM'ed me in the morning and gave me a lecture on how I'm being a selfish bitch and should just stow my shit and get my frick-a-fracks together up in the bumhole.
Well, with more euphemisms and flowery languages.
I wish I could say I've forgotten the whole shebang. I mean, I've forgiven them, yeah. But that isn't to say I'm over it that quick. It's surprising how much my emotions could still take me over and I have to struggle to keep them under lid.
I didn't know what to say. Maybe it's because I don't have any?
No idea. I'm still as confused about this whole roller coaster as I was months ago.
At least then, I could kick them out of the way and pretend everything is fine.
Now, not so much.
I repeat what I say as before.
I am not angry at the stranger. He's fine. He's out of the dodge.
I really couldn't care less other than brief annoyance over having to camp out in the living room for a couple of days and my movements being restricted in the house I was supposed to have free reigns in, more than usual. And even that glossed over with baby bro and mia sleeping beside me.
I'm just....frustrated? Disappointed? Idk.
Neither mom, dad, or sis seem to get that. As always, they just like to assume I'm being a selfish bitch on my own and being stubborn because I couldn't get my way.
Maybe if they'd text a single note of apology, everything would settle?
They don't seem to even know where's the issue here, actually. Doesn't seem to realize that the whole point of them shoving me away is to keep shoving me away till the end.
Maybe the issue would be done by then.
I'm just still processing. They took a lot of time and effort to shove me away about the issue, they could at least have the decency to give me the same amount of time and effort to let me process things on my own.
I admit, there's a possibility it could take years, but, hey. Never let it be said I do things half-assed, huh? The most agreeable outcome I could predict is the indifference I could take up in counter to the stranger. Though, really, indifference is the best I could offer.
I wish I could say more, but I don't know yet.
I'm still processing.
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