Finals Approaching
First term is nearing its end, second term awaits in Sept.
Finals is in 3 days and lasts for 8 days, including the gap between the papers. I know, it's hella short but hey, considering we only have 5 papers to sit, it makes sense.
Besides, the quicker we end it the better.
First paper is Literature, this Thursday morning. Why is it my fav subject that always goes first? In high school, it was English. Now, Literature. It's like they're saving the worst for the last. (I suppose that's exactly what they had in mind, all things considered.)
Mom finally asked me what the shit has crawled up my ass and died in according to my surly attitude back during Gawai break. I told her I was just butthurt that they didn't have enough trust in me to keep my priorities regarding Sis and they treated me like I was a stupid teen instead of a mature young adult who knows my way around life.
Well no, I don't exactly know my way around life, seeing that I'm an ex-cutter struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies but everybody knows where my priorities lie when it comes to family. So long as they're happy, everything else can fuck itself.
Even me.
Sure, I have my own secrets myself, namely my mental health issues, but it's not like it's gonna be that way forever. I'll get better, and once I reach that point where I have enough strength and courage to spill, I will. They're my family, after all.
I don't want for there to be regret, and pain, should things go wrong.
There are reasons my secrets became the way they are : secrets. I chose to open up once, and was only dismissed with frowns and sneers of "Liar" and "You sure like to exaggerate your stories" and "I get you were a good storyteller, didn't mean you hafta create lies for good material". Once is enough.
My attitude is to my confusion. I don't know why things are going the way they are, and how I'm supposed to deal with it. I don't know where the pieces lie and when is the right time to move them. I don't even know if I'm supposed to have a board to match.
Having no time to process, and nearly not enough data to go with, I'm just stuck in a limbo. A loop of confusion, like a record player.
I have to let things settle, bit by bit. As I'd confessed, it'll probably take years. Well, that's the consequences of how the prior pieces had fallen. Regardless, I just need time to collect data. Information. To end this annoying loop of confusion.
Boy, home is gonna be "fun".
Finals is in 3 days and lasts for 8 days, including the gap between the papers. I know, it's hella short but hey, considering we only have 5 papers to sit, it makes sense.
Besides, the quicker we end it the better.
First paper is Literature, this Thursday morning. Why is it my fav subject that always goes first? In high school, it was English. Now, Literature. It's like they're saving the worst for the last. (I suppose that's exactly what they had in mind, all things considered.)
Mom finally asked me what the shit has crawled up my ass and died in according to my surly attitude back during Gawai break. I told her I was just butthurt that they didn't have enough trust in me to keep my priorities regarding Sis and they treated me like I was a stupid teen instead of a mature young adult who knows my way around life.
Well no, I don't exactly know my way around life, seeing that I'm an ex-cutter struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies but everybody knows where my priorities lie when it comes to family. So long as they're happy, everything else can fuck itself.
Even me.
Sure, I have my own secrets myself, namely my mental health issues, but it's not like it's gonna be that way forever. I'll get better, and once I reach that point where I have enough strength and courage to spill, I will. They're my family, after all.
I don't want for there to be regret, and pain, should things go wrong.
There are reasons my secrets became the way they are : secrets. I chose to open up once, and was only dismissed with frowns and sneers of "Liar" and "You sure like to exaggerate your stories" and "I get you were a good storyteller, didn't mean you hafta create lies for good material". Once is enough.
My attitude is to my confusion. I don't know why things are going the way they are, and how I'm supposed to deal with it. I don't know where the pieces lie and when is the right time to move them. I don't even know if I'm supposed to have a board to match.
Having no time to process, and nearly not enough data to go with, I'm just stuck in a limbo. A loop of confusion, like a record player.
I have to let things settle, bit by bit. As I'd confessed, it'll probably take years. Well, that's the consequences of how the prior pieces had fallen. Regardless, I just need time to collect data. Information. To end this annoying loop of confusion.
Boy, home is gonna be "fun".
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