AkImA No NiKkI

I'm slowly working my way through my latest fic and occasionally, whip up some on-spot ideas on the sketchpad. Though I need to be reminded to use my spaces carefully 'cause economy right now is worse and stuff are really getting expensive. I wonder if our country's gonna burn like Africa.  Oops, jinx. Regardless, with the rate we're going on, any jinxing isn't gonna make much difference. *shrug* I'm catching on Stony for a while, meaning that the Destiel ship has been put on hold for the moment. That talk I had with Onee-san few days ago made me think of Stony and now, I'm just filling up the urges to read some fluffy fic and coo adorably at these two grown-up idiots waddling their way through angst and emotionally stunted brains to get their heads outta their asses and see the real love in their freaking eyes. Call it avoidance or whatever but I love these idiots. Yeah get over it. Don't question my OTP. I will go down with this ship. I m...

Hey y'all. Man, I'm like, super hyper after my dose of caffeine. LOL Was watching first ep of Under The Dome the series at TV2 when Dad wanted to eat out. I was like, "After the show? I've been waiting for it." and Mom said, "You can talk since you don't have school. We do." and I did a happy dance 'cause yeah, she's totally right. I don't have school. *cue epic shitty grin* And then I shrugged.  Mmeeehhh, whattahell, I can always watch them online.  To the Deermobile!! ('cause we're using a Kancil. Get it? Like, Batmobile. LOL so freakin' lame.) *cue 007 theme song* Kei hasn't texted me since he got back. Huh. He's probably busy with family stuff. Or maybe just enjoying some time with his girl.  Meh. More time with me and my books! Muahahahahaha~ Come to think of it, I haven't tried to text anyone save for Amelia these few weeks. In fact, I've been feeling like wanting solidarity again from wh...

I'm extremely frustrated right now.  So much that I have to stop reading House Rules and take a break before I get upset and unable to read a single sentence. It may have to do with my unstable emotions right now, but I don't care. That also have to do with my unstable emotions. It's Shay Bourne and Elizabeth Nealon all over again. Without the dash of religion all swirled up in the chaos. Oliver becomes Maggie Bloom, and Father Michael becomes Theo.  Most importantly, Jacob Hunt, becomes Shay Bourne, and Jess becomes Elizabeth. A murder. A disabled protagonist accused of said murder. The evidences of how rotten humanity has become. Jodi Picoult makes me question these things. That being human doesn't make our actions acceptable by any degree of dehumanizing disabled people. "Normal", is by all means, a set-up point of a limbo stick. That humans, especially those who reigns a sort of higher positions, have little understanding or practice regarding ...

I'm still going on strong on the Destiel ship and I fear, it's not going away. It might as well be on my shipping-forever-till-I-die list because nothing cracks me up like Sam and Dean's relationship as much as nothing saddens me like Dean and Cas's "profound bond" . I have never laughed so hard, and so long (do NOT make that pun, I dare you LOL) whenever I open up a SPN crack/humor vid because damn, behind the scenes? These guys are damn hilarious I swear I have to stop laughing or else I will pee my pants. Honest. I swear. With Crowley and the rest of the cast as well. They're just so funny! Between Dean,Sam,and Cas, when it comes to crack/humor vid, I'd choose Cas because Cas is...well, Cas. Especially the "I'll interrogate the cat" part. LOLOL The irony that the show runs basely on monsters, murders, betrayal, religion, and the hilariousness (oh yeah, that's a word and I'm using it) of the characters is..what...

There is no escaping the loss from the flood, when I'm at home. This saddens me for few reasons, and I see Mom and Dad sometimes talk about the the degree of damage with their friends and I thought, 'it's been months since the flood, yet some damages are still in repair.' . Goes the same for the loss of what we had, but why look back? They're gone, and we -I- can't do anything about it. Except to let go. Truth is, I miss my diaries.  I grieved for them, when we cleaned the house, and I grieved them still as I unpacked my stuff at college. Every page, every smudge of ink, I grieved. They bore my memories. But, nothing can be done. I miss them, and my thoughts are all that I can give for them. A few stray tears, here and there, but nothing can be done. Yeah. Nothing...can be done.  Amelia suggested that I start all over. Why not? There's nothing like the present, right? I may have lost 4 years of highschool in my old diaries but my now diary and the...

Okay, three things. Home helper, glasses, and Drunk Rome&Juliet-Quoting Casanova. First, I went out after dawn to buy breakfast, walking leisurely in my pajamas, my hands in my jackets I threw on clumsily on the way out. Granma didn't want anything so I ended up buying breakfast only for myself. *huff* On the way out, I fed the cats which hey, surprise, surprise, Noelle and Tooru have come home!  I snuggled Noelle a few minutes, letting his orange fur sticking all over my front jammies. Tooru has no care for petting so I settled for stroking her black and orange-streaked fur, welcoming them home. The walk was quite pleasant. I think I'll take regular walks from now on at evenings, usually I cycle, but Dad said Mukhlis left them at my uncle's house. I was irritated for a while. When I got home, an unknown lady was in the kitchen and I halted my movements, squinting at the moving silhouette. "Mom?" I called out. She came out and, whoa, okay, not Mom. DE...

It feels awesome to be home again, surrounded by no other than my family and beloved old routines I developed over the years I grew up in this house. It's comfortable, this familiarity. The state of the house no longer shocks me, as it did when I got home during Chinese New Year. The absence of the loss is gone, and some pleasant surprises were in instead. A new cupboard in Mom and Dad's bedroom, a small folded table in the kitchen...and few tidbits here and there. I don't see Noelle or his wife anywhere, only Bocco remains outside and Yuki prefers the inside.  Mom said Noelle is away with his wife for a while 'cause Bocco keeps picking fights with them. Even Yuki stays indoors all the time to avoid Bocco. Oh dear, seems like my Bocco has turned into an old grumpy cat. LOL Ah, well, Bocco has been my baby for so long. He's the eldest of our cats' generation, born and raised in this very house. He was born in 2006, when I was 9 years old, and look at him ...

I'm confused. I'm restless. I'm.....all over the place. *sigh*   How easy it was during highschool, when all you have to do at school is study and at home, a family. How easy it was to be able to discern parts of your roles according to places and situations. How easy, how easy. Nothing else matters. And for me, how easy it was to control my feelings. Having finished Foundation level, awaiting our continuation, I feel as if I am in a dark, empty well, looking up to the clouded sky from the opening. The walls are slimy and murky, but it was indeed, dry. Moments ago, this sort of vision came to my mind. I don't like feeling so....distraught. So...bereft. I like having a goal to focus on. I mean, yeah, I have my long-term and long-long-term goals in sight, but since in the mean time we have to do nothing but wait, it feels useless. Not to mention, I'm feeling so torn about going home tomorrow. I mean, of course I wanna go home, it's what I've ...

Goodbye, Foundation. Hello, Degree. The Graduation Dinner was awesome. More importantly, the food was so worth it. Glad to know I didn't spend my money on nothing. The performances were good, too. And we get to see our lecturers, both first and second terms, for one last time, complete with pictures and everything. They have these really cool dresses. Few of my classmates wore blazers and pants, eventhough they're girls. I wish I could too. Would've been more comfortable, though less formal. But hey, when will I ever get into dresses anymore. Amelia basically forced me to wear make-up though, that was the worst part of the evening. It was literally torture. I was so glad I put my foot down on sneakers, instead of their choice of heels. NO. Out of most people, I was one of the least who didn't have pain in their feet. LOL At the end of the dinner, everybody was gathering around and taking pictures. I gathered about my wits and wandered around, forming words and ...

Humans have limits. This is general knowledge. Yet we push the boundaries, as far as it may go. Granted, it wasn't much, but at times, it was enough. The limited boundary of human minds isn't supposed to be a secret, rather more of unique-ly shaped cave with unique halls and caverns with each unique personality of a person. With friendships, isn't understanding a privilege? Is my condition too hard for him to see? Are my walls too high for him to climb? Should I have never shown him my bloodied self? What was I expecting? What was I hoping? Kei and I, we grew close for our intricate similarities, as well as our differences. His coping mechanism is distraction, just as much as he is a good one. But I face my demons head on. When I showed them to him, what exactly were I expecting him to do? I wanted him to look at them, and tell me what they are. I wanted him to pry their gripping claws from my mind, and say nothing. But what I get was a series of "St...

At 5.15 p.m on 5th April 2015, my time as a TESL Foundation student here in IN-TECH faculty under the MARA Technology University ends. As the last paper for the last term's final is handed, I went out the hall with a deep breath. One step left behind.  Another step on the move. Next year, I will be 20. And then 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26......and so on, until my untimely demise. But then again, who knows when will my time be up? Might be close. Might be not. *shrugs*  Tomorrow night is the Graduation Dinner for us. A commemoration of our final night, for a year relatively well-spent. One foot forward, and another, and so it keeps on, until it stops.

Yesterday was probably the first and final day I ever do something incredibly stupid and reckless and memorable with the group of people I never really felt anything with. There was a final gathering night-out for last term's class members since Foundation is ending. I was threatened with bodily harms should I skip even though I had totally rejected it flat-out with the intention of staying in bed and reading cozily. After mulling, I thought, why not. It's just eating out. Wrong. Yes, we had dinner together. It was quite lovely. And I had fully intended to go back after filling my stomach when there was a chorus of "I-City here we come" reverberating through the group. "No.", I said repeatedly. "Yes.", they chorused like annoying brats. Amelia disregarded this heated conversation because she knew that as long as she's going, whatever I said wouldn't matter because I'd follow her to keep her safe. Still, I wanted my thoughts on the...