AkImA No NiKkI

Char Char had to be put down today. Beloved said it was because of kidney failure and heart failure, and the vet makes it obvious he wouldn't be able to make it through the night. It's Sunday so no vet around their area is open and he had to drive 4.5 hours back and forth for him.  I hadn't known Char Char for long. I only knew him for as long as I knew beloved, and that was for mere 6 months and 2 weeks. But as for a feline lover as I am, cats have a special place in my heart.  I have as much pictures of Char Char and Tezca as I do of him. When I woke up to his texts about Char Char's condition, my heart thumped heavily in my chest. I'm currently at Mya's place, after coming to visit her for her last stage performance two nights ago and ended up staying for the weekends, but I wanted to make this post to remember the date.  I wasn't there when Bocco passed. I wish I could have remembered the date or how he passed, but I wasn't. I was...

It's currently 1.32 a.m and I have 8.30 creative writing class in the morning followed by sociolinguistics at 2.00 p.m until 5.00 p.m. I have just woken up from sleep about an hour ago after taking a "nap" at 6.00 p.m.  I lied awake on my bed, struggling to even twitch a finger because I haven't showered since Friday evening. And I haven't started laundry. My head beats a steady headache and my insides twist and turn like a solo tango. I have cried out of nowhere several times in random moments these past four days.  Just, suddenly burst of tears out of the blue and the sadness piles into a chain of boulders to my feet. I fear going into that state of numbness again.  How long has it been since I last took my fluoxetine? In January? I was faring decent with my leftover alprazolam but I have only one tablet left after tonight. I'm scared.  I'm fucking scared. What if I start pushing people away because I grew too tired? What if I start distancing m...

Second day of starting semester 5 and I already feel like kissing an oncoming train. Credits to Bo for that reference.  I left my mug at Sis's place and the cafes don't sell any mugs so I can't make any coffee in my room. Leaves me with pretty much bare mentality to brace the class and schedules and stupid lecturer rules that don't make fucking sense. I haven't taken my meds since end of January cause I ran out and I need to make an appointment again soon to replenish my stocks because I know I'm gonna fucking need them to survive this semester. I barely survived second day, for fuck's sake. I've forgotten how loud the class is and how intense the headache they emanate.  Plus, some lecturers we get this semester are particularly obnoxious in the way that we have to dress exactly like they want even going as far as nitpicking on types of shoes and nametags. Also, how the classes are put together in the schedule is fucking ridiculous. Why in...