28

It was my birthday 2 days ago, my 28th. Another year and then I will cross that 30-middle age crisis. Hey, 17 year old me, did you think we'd ever make it this far? Pass my message to the 19 year old us. We've reached 28 now.

The world is dying still, burning everything and everyone to the ground, slowly but surely. That one is still unchanging. The world burns every day, only the way it burns differently. 

Are we still suicidal, depressed, and mentally ill?

Yes. But at least we are still able to love and be loved in return.

Another form of self-diagnosis has come up the past recent months, which is, hey hey hey I'm autistic. Voila. Not level 2 or level 3, obviously, since I'm quite capable of masking and my needs are low-support, but yes, it explains a number of things present in me.

Mom always joked about me being autistic because I was so "quirky" and "anti-social" and "alien" as a child. Well, you can't beat a mother's hunch, I suppose. I wonder if she would feel happy about being right. Ahh, but of course, I would never tell. I wouldn't want another fiasco of being called "crazy" and threatened to be sent to a mental ward again. 

The Education system in Malaysia is riddled with nepotism and corruption, but I guess you'd find a cleaner shithole in a city sewer than cleanliness in politics. I love my job, teaching is my dream job. I want to be someone one kid can remember fondly in their memories as someone who was one of the good adults when everything around them is burning and screaming. Yet the system is stupid, arrogant, selfish, spoiled, and rotten to its core that it does more harm than good to its employees.

Every day, all we can do is try.

I am still bestfriends with Sara, and we still have many future plans to continue this pact to the grave. My niece and nephew are growing well, and my family are healthy. 

No, I have no plans for any romantic shenanigans. I believe it's for the best that God keep the others safe from me, for He knows that I will undoubtedly wreck the shit out of that person. 

I'm hyper-independent, and if you can't top me being alone or me being with bestie, I would rather choose myself and bestie. I don't believe anyone in the world can  bring me more peace than the one I have, and I would rather not sacrifice anything just for mediocre companionship. In fact, I won't sacrifice a thing of mine. Been there done that. 

Well, here's to 28. 

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