AkImA No NiKkI

Right, so, Ramadhan is here. Yeayy~ And I'm on a week break (my bus is tomorrow morning tho) for now, at home, then go back for another 2 weeks of work and then another one week break for Eidul Fitr. First thing I want to address is how frickin smushy my sparkling new drooling baby nephew is. Y'all might wanna see him in my IG post ( BABY NEPHEW ) and I would like to claim that I am the favorite aunt, FYI. And yes, you shall read these sentences with the sound of pride in my voice, or however it is I may sound like in your doozy little heads. I am also the best babysitter, self-proclaimed and approved by the biological mother, i.e Sis. In other words, I rule. There will be a time when I shall receive the ultimate acknowledgement of my babysitting powers. THE MUG. I love the little tyke so much already. I mean, duh, he came out of SIS. Even if he were a potato (he is quite the angry potato tho) I'd still love him and cherish him. I have so many nicknames already ...

So I didn't exactly keep that last post up to date, huh. Well, here I am. Nearly 2 weeks later. Ha. The trip to the hospital was fine. I took a close classmate with me because one, I'm hella scared and not ashamed to admit it, and two, it's been my policy to always have a viable witness in case anything happens. Not that anything's gonna happen, but just in case. * shrug * I'm paranoid like that. At first the nurse at the counter was pissed at me 'cause we didn't make an early appointment and treated an expert facility like a walk-in try-out when I gave her the referral letter but she got quiet after reading the letter and asked us to sit somewhere while she ask for available professors. I didn't read the letter when I got it and my classmate couldn't read the doc's handwriting (I could, it's a bit like Mom's) but I happened to read snippets of sentences as the letter was passed around to me in the process of getting my informati...

Finally, some freakin' break! Or well, I couldn't really call it a break, more like, a necessary halt. Funny how seeing the same doctor twice can make them see right through your bluff. Or maybe having a panic attack causing your body to cramp in the sick bays work too. Newsflash : I'm being medically referred to a legal psychiatrist in Sgai Buloh Hospital tomorrow morning by UK (unit kesihatan) as per the doctor who diagnosed me insisted. It started off with just your regular run-off-the-mill panic attacks, really. It's not like they're out of the ordinary in my routine. But I guess at this age, they start to take a toll on your body (it sounds like I'm middle-aged or something..) and my body cramps really fucking bad throughout two nights leaving me with less than half an hour sleep and shit-ton of work and presentation to do. ( no, I'm not on my period .) Last I slept was the half an hour on Tuesday afternoon. After Friday morning's class, ...

The phone vibrated violently with the alarms loudly going off with the text flashing "WAKE UP FOR CLASS DAMMIT YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE" beside her pillow, messy black hair fanning out the sides like gravity demands it per physics. She rolled towards the sound, face pinched unpleasantly at the wake-up call and moved her hands, patting around the general area of the phone with her eyes closed. Her roommate, all ready and pristine for her morning class rolled her eyes at the all too familiar sight. She moved to wake her. "Jamie. James, wake up. D'ya have class this morning?" she asked, close to the not-awake mass of grumbling body on the grey-sheets bed but not touching her.  The aforementioned grumbling body -Jamie, apparently- grunts not-quite an answer, and shifts her head slightly towards the voice of her roommate and slurred, "Nnnoo..ain't got'nyclass till 2..". The roommate nodded her acknowledgement and left the still-grumbling body b...

Right, so I had a minor episode yesterday during marching practice because apparently, I'd been resorting to my old habit of looking down towards God's green earth (or in this case, black road tar) instead of straight forward and when that is done in a period of time in those certain conditions, you are susceptible to fainting spells. Thus here we are. Thankfully, it was just a fainting spell and not a full-blown panic attack. I don't know if I could survive another wave of humiliation since the last one when I was 13. No need to call the nursery, folks! Ahaha. The fainting spells, I don't particularly mind. I'm used to them (that time when I broke my glasses's lense, and that time I bruised my back falling on my ass, and that time I was saved from faceplanting on a rock, etc etc etc) though I admit it's been a while since I had them.  The dry-heaving afterwards, on the other hand, is new. I suppose you could chalk it up to nausea from ...

I'm planning a day of exploring and adventure tomorrow, or today, actually, looking at the time. Not first thing in the morning like I would've liked to because I regretfully have stupid co-curriculum stuff but at least it's only couple of hours at asscrack in the morning so it doesn't cut into the day all that much. After that, I'm bolting it. Plan? I'm gonna see cats. And play with cats. Surround myself with cats. Like a therapy with cats. PALAM don't got any cats (like a lucky charm that's only found if you go on a sacred journey and fulfill a grand quest to save the world) and somehow this morning (well, yesterday morning but whatever) I just thought, I need to see (and possibly touch) some cats or I'm gonna go crazy. You can say it's a random thought that popped in. That I will most definitely impulsively follow. Because cats. It'll probably seem jarring what I'm writing right now compared to the recent previous post ...

It's been couple of good days recently. I'm warily glad. Sometimes I still forget my assignment tasks and that sorta scares me a bit because I remember having been nearly on point with my works but occasionally, my groupmates remind me and that scrapes the uneasiness a bit from my chest. I used to be able to discern my work from personal really well up until this point and looking at how it's suddenly affecting each other makes me feel incompetent. What I said during the last ice-breaking session in FE class is no more true than the fact that I love reading. I am good with separating my work and personal lives.  It's just that the notion applies only to outside people from myself. Because obviously I am the greatest danger to my own person. If I'm smart, I'd do something about that and yeah, I'm learning and trying, but things don't always move like we want them to. It's like trying to tell people who has anxiety to stop feeling anxious or ...