Homework

Dammit.
Homework so damn many.Haven't even touched any of them yet.Ugh.*rolls eyes
November's ending..Soon December will start.
Man..
I guess I should start workin' on 'em real soon,huh?

I miss my friends..(TT^TT)
Didn't think holidays could be any lonelier.Well,Onee-san and I..aren't in good terms right now..More like,from now on.
Can't believe I was so goddamn enthusiastic when she came home.I thought,when she's home,we could talk and solve the friggin' problem so that we'd go back to normal.
Newsflash! I WAS WRONG.
The one that came home wasn't my sister.
Or at least,the one that I loved.The one that would always put this family first before anyone else.The one that cared.

 I used to be so freakin' scared of her,when I was little.
When we were good and perfectly comfortable with each other,I grew less and less afraid of her.
Then after she came back,I was terrified of her.
Tho she thinks I'm not 'cause I disobey her sometimes but frankly,I'm just good with hiding my feelings.
I don't show it anymore like when I was a kid.
But everytime I tried to talk to her about it,my feelings pour and I could barely contain any of it."Old habits die hard",they say.

 She built a wall between us.
Her and this family.Her and me.Her and everyone else.
I don't know why she did that.
When I pulled my insignificant courage out to tell her how much she had..changed,she said she couldn't bear to see any tears.
And I was already leaking.
After she stormed out of the room,I ran to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out.SERIOUSLY bawled my eyes out.
Maybe because I had finally begun to accept..That this person..Is not my sister..
I saw it coming,y'noe..But I just couldn't,wouldn't accept it.
I tried to talk.Tried to act as naturally as we used to be.Alas,all for nothing.

 Well..Nonetheless,I would still love her.
I've cried for and because of her countless of times,without her knowing,of course.
I vowed to myself that no matter how much she changed,I would still love her unconditionally as I did before this.
Of course,it's easier said than done and I'm awfully sure that lots of tears are coming in that path so...I'm gonna need support..

 Okay..
Umm...I'm gonna watch some funny CrissColfer shows to cheer me up.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Semblance of Balance

Image
Hi, guys. It's been a while. No worries, I have my reason, which entails two words. Mom, and the black sheep. Mom was pissed he wouldn't go to school 'cause he stayed up late surfin' the net, so she confiscated the wi-fi. It's connected now for the weekend 'cause my baby bro is home for the moment and he pleaded the case with Dad. Way to go, baby bro! x3 That said, I'll only post a few stuff here and there for these two days. Now, regarding my last post, it was the first night after many many months of self-recovery a relapse of that degree. As I stated, it used to happen frequently during my high school days, usually when I am alone because of course I would never have them when I am with my sis or my baby bro since those voices have no place in my head when I am happy and content. I locked the door, and spent the night retching in the toilet bowl. I had records, but they were all gone with the flood. So that's that. Funnily, the urge had grown...
Read more

Nightmare in White

 Last night, I had the most horrible dream. Recently, I've gotten the habit of sleeping on the couch, being the couch potato that I am. Most days, I'm too tired to carry my ass up to my bedroom and sleep properly on my bed. Days when I'd forget to do my night skincare and then regret it horribly the next day.  Same case happened last night. I took a shower, ate dinner on the couch with Natsume Yuujinchou on, and fell asleep. It tends to be cold downstairs in the living room at night, and I was wearing short shorts so my legs were freezing. I briefly remember pulling a blanket over my legs in my sleep haze. The details of my dream are hazy by now, but I can still feel the intense disgust and horror at the bottom of my throat. There was the air of something big happening, bustling noises of people moving. There was someone walking beside me, mumbling noises in the background. Everything in my eyesight was filled the golden color, as if we were walking in a ripe wheat field by...
Read more

"Toukan Koukan" ; Exchange of equal value

Image
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is the best of the best anime can offer.  I resolutely stand by this statement, even when there are countless of other animes that can teach us many things such as Gosick, Soul Eater, The Children who Chased Lost Voices, Code Geass, Sword Art Online, Tokyo Ghoul, No 6, and many more I could name. The first moment I finished FMAB, it felt like I had gone through a life and came out in tatters. So much truth put in one series. So much life. Especially when it's adorned with death. When has it not? Life and Death goes hand in hand. The one thing I love the most was the First Law of Alchemy, Equivalent Exchange. It is fair, is it not? To give all and take nothing is arguably noble. Modern people would say it's stupid and wasteful. Wise people would know that there is something more at work than the naked eyes. On the other hand, to take all and give nothing is selfish. No arguments. I don't watch these things for entertainme...
Read more