AkImA No NiKkI

Stirred up feelings are the worst.You can't decide what is what and your decision could be entirely faulty to yourself and the people around you.It's all muddled up and I thought I'd gone through the worst of it all.There's always more,now,in the future. I know what's it's going to be. I can see the answers,and chance it's correct is boarding around 78%.Told you I'm a bit of psychic.Haha,kidding.Just that I can give a good guess. When I say that it's a disaster witing to happen...Well,it most likely is.I'm tired of waiting for him to pop out.I just want this to end so that we could go back to chatting animes like we used to. Just like Tony,I'm afraid that I would lose this thing,this friendship,this comfort we have.Yes,a little bit of rejection too but I'd known it was coming.He'd said it before.This one's entirely on me. Unlike *Hideki when we spent our childhood together being in each other's space 24/7 and growing

YATTTAAAAAA~!!!!! XDDDD ITS OVER ~!!! FINALLY OVER ~!!!!! XDDD SPM IS FINALLY OVER~!!!! XDDD I am now officially a free person~!!! X"D *sob*sob* so touching.... (TTwTT) The moment I've been waiting for all my sad sad highschool life..The end of it! XD  Can't believe its all over now..xD no more freaking addclasses..no more teachers..tho that one's likely to be missed .Can't say I won't miss having other people shoulder the burden over our petty problems. Hahaha~ xPP Besides,the teachers at SMK TM(1) are all very dedicated and loving persons,unlike most people who have the guts to call themselves 'educators' but were really only after the satisfaction of driving kids to live their life their way.Like leeches.Or parasites . Those teachers are the very reason we all get to answer our papers quite well,if I may say so.They earned our respect ,our loyalty ,and our love .For every single sensei that had taught me,thank you so much. Rahimah-s

Okay,that is IT .I've had enough with these overgrown ridiculousness that disguises itself in the form of so-called LOVE .As Onee-san had been repeating herself for the last 15minutes and which I agreed ;we scorn everything there is about love. This is bullshit. I can't even have crushes anymore after this.I thought crushes were safe as long as they didn't come true and with that in mind,I never thought of an alternative if they ever do.Which is so fucking bullshit. Note to self: never grow feelings for those unrelated by blood. God I wish there're buttons for that and screw it if I sound very much like Tony right now because it's impossible for the guy to not rub off on me when I've been reading his fanfics with Captain freaking America aka Steve Rogers for at least a good couple of months now.Yes,I so very wish there's an 'OFF' button for these things. This is a mistake waiting to be done.A disaster waiting to be called. I shoul

I never hoped. Never dared .For all I knew,crushes aren't meant to come true.I mean,yeah,I've had probably more than enough crushes.But not once I have ever given them one thought that any of them would come true. Crushes weren't suppose to come true. That's why they're called 'crushes' .That's the way how I see it. And besides,it's one-sided.I never hoped for anything and I was quite content with the way things were.I'd rather we stayed friends than to lose this one friendship.It would be a big loss considering he's my intel on animes. Occasionally,I'd come across a good anime but that would mean lots of time wasted strolling for one.It would've been a helluva easier way to just ask what's hot from him. Honestly,I didn't even think that it was possible.The 'thou-shalt-not-fall-for-thy-soulmates' thing is definitely crap. I've never seen his face.Never even heard his voice but all of that seems unimportant

Only two more days.Mom and Dad's coming home! xD Ureshiii~~~ xDD Oh,pish.I don't want to talk about exams now.I mean,it's only BM so far and Art objective paper was quite easier than Trials.Tomorrow's English so I don't have much to worry except for Literature. Mom called this morning when I was rushing up things because I woke up late to school.Because I was rushing,my vocabularies were lessened into a line of "yeah,Mom" and "Okay,Mom" and "Hmmm,Mom." and "Love you,Mom." and "Bye,Mom.". By the time I arrived at school,my phone was vibrating in my pocket and I'd only checked it out after BM's paper 1.It was Dad and he sent a text.Probably because I didn't picked up.I can't.I was stomping in the rain to the damn hall. Daddy said they wishes me all the best and that I'll always be the best for them now and forever and they love us all very much with seven kisses.I almost went "Aww..&quo

Guess it's only right that something that disastrous have its after-effects.Even little stuff have them,much less long and terrible ones. And the after-effects of my horrible pressures are health. Degrading health.Right on the eleventh hour when I'm going to sit my stupid ass for SPM tomorrow morning . I missed class today. See,my period was late for a month and a half and by now,I was expecting it to turn up AFTER SPM's over,which means I would have no reason to stress or whatever by then.But then,I had this weird sort-of hungover feeling after being crazily slaphappy last night and crashed in the room upstairs. Around 4,I woke up involuntarily and went to the toilet to pee.And there's blood staring at me in the face.I changed,rather oddly,and went back to sleep.I woke up at the sound of my aunt knocking the door and asking whether I have class today. I looked around blindly and zoomed in on my phone. Oh shit .I shot up and there's this weird feeling in my

I wouldn't actually say that 'tired' and 'sleepy' are the best descriptions of my current condition right now because apparently,I'm too hyped for that.I don't know why.Maybe I'm slaphappy. I think I had some pretty decent sleep a few days ago but who knows? I was part-awake all the time.By now,I figured slaphappy is the best thing that could happen so far. Easily hyped,easily irritated. I went home after class today to check on the house and feed Noeru and Bocco.As usual,the kitchen looks like shit.I was very irritated and annoyed beyond belief but decided to save my breath for another day. I'm tired of going back and forth every one or two days. I'm tired of waking up early to go to the damn class,I mean,for God's sake give us a fucking break ,we have to sit our goddamn asses for SPM in just few more fucking hours ! Give us some fucking time to BREATHE ! God! Look up,see and nod. I'm tired of having to know that the shit

It feels nice to go home once in a while where I feel the safest and most comfortable around my own area but at the same time,there's this continuous buzzing noise in my head making everything seems complicated and messy than it really is. Ever since the little shithead came home bringing trails of smelly troubles behind his stupid lopsided ass,home feels equally revolting as it is comforting.It feels tainted by his very own presence. Even my own room.My very own sanctuary.My very own private space.It feels like I can't breathe,both metaphorically and literally because the smokes are a constant company of the house nowadays.I hate that little bullshit. He had to crush every little peace I have in my life.I wish Mom had drowned him before he was born.I wish he hadn't BEEN born. Before,I think that he destroys everything in his path because he can't help it.Because he didn't know.I didn't blame him for all the scars and wounds he caused me and my belongings b

It happened a while back but it's not like I was in any suitable condition to write about it.Of course,my interpretations of it was all lost during the time of my depressed state.I mean,renewed news of my love life is hardly a contributing factor to my struggle of sanity-safekeeping. Not actually renewed,though..And I doubt it's even official. *roll eyes* It's like Tae Hee and Ja Eun when her reply to his confession had only been a "Yes,let's go.." .Even I was baffled. I don't understand his meaning that night and I don't intend on bringing it up any time sooner. Maybe ,after exam ends. I don't know if 'we' would ever happen,much else last.Because,for one,I had never in my wildest dream could have predicted this. My thoughts were "no way in freaking hell it will happen.Maybe after hell freezes over." whenever a stray thought of possibility creeps into my head. I mean,it's just,way,way too impossible.for me.