OFF BUTTON.Seriously.I wish.

Okay,that is IT.I've had enough with these overgrown ridiculousness that disguises itself in the form of so-called LOVE.As Onee-san had been repeating herself for the last 15minutes and which I agreed;we scorn everything there is about love.

This is bullshit.

I can't even have crushes anymore after this.I thought crushes were safe as long as they didn't come true and with that in mind,I never thought of an alternative if they ever do.Which is so fucking bullshit.
Note to self: never grow feelings for those unrelated by blood.
God I wish there're buttons for that and screw it if I sound very much like Tony right now because it's impossible for the guy to not rub off on me when I've been reading his fanfics with Captain freaking America aka Steve Rogers for at least a good couple of months now.Yes,I so very wish there's an 'OFF' button for these things.

This is a mistake waiting to be done.A disaster waiting to be called.
I should've known.I should've known dammit! But then again,I'm only human.I was more ecstatic on the similarities of what I've written to come true rather than the fact that he just asked if I had a crush on him.Yeah,crazy bibliophile on leash here so,no,not so normal situation.It's not every fucking day that something you wrote out of sheer imagination turned real the next fucking day like freaking bibidi-bobidi-boo in your face.
All those emotional roller-coasters I've read of Tony's can be put to good use to describe mine.This won't work.I'll screw up again,like before.
Because I already know his answer.
Why didn't I lie when I was supposed to? It was a good chance! I didn't have to,unnecessarily,spout truthful craps to him when he'd asked.If I'd lied then,there'd be a lot of hurt saving in the process and lots of feelings won't be involved and big chance that I'd cut us both some major pain in the ass.

I read our chats the last year and realized that this is a big,gigantic,mess waiting to explode and I just poked it with a goddamn needle.
This is going to turn bad.Really bad.If not worse.
Maybe I should do this Tony-way.Apologize for everything and go back to the way it was before.Pretend like nothing ever happened.Yeah.That sounds good.
Besides,it's unlikely he'll stop me.He might as well go along with it.I'll be doing us both a favor,really.

I won't lose this friendship.
I just...can't.



I'm done waiting.And I am most definitely done hoping.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Semblance of Balance

Image
Hi, guys. It's been a while. No worries, I have my reason, which entails two words. Mom, and the black sheep. Mom was pissed he wouldn't go to school 'cause he stayed up late surfin' the net, so she confiscated the wi-fi. It's connected now for the weekend 'cause my baby bro is home for the moment and he pleaded the case with Dad. Way to go, baby bro! x3 That said, I'll only post a few stuff here and there for these two days. Now, regarding my last post, it was the first night after many many months of self-recovery a relapse of that degree. As I stated, it used to happen frequently during my high school days, usually when I am alone because of course I would never have them when I am with my sis or my baby bro since those voices have no place in my head when I am happy and content. I locked the door, and spent the night retching in the toilet bowl. I had records, but they were all gone with the flood. So that's that. Funnily, the urge had grown...
Read more

Nightmare in White

 Last night, I had the most horrible dream. Recently, I've gotten the habit of sleeping on the couch, being the couch potato that I am. Most days, I'm too tired to carry my ass up to my bedroom and sleep properly on my bed. Days when I'd forget to do my night skincare and then regret it horribly the next day.  Same case happened last night. I took a shower, ate dinner on the couch with Natsume Yuujinchou on, and fell asleep. It tends to be cold downstairs in the living room at night, and I was wearing short shorts so my legs were freezing. I briefly remember pulling a blanket over my legs in my sleep haze. The details of my dream are hazy by now, but I can still feel the intense disgust and horror at the bottom of my throat. There was the air of something big happening, bustling noises of people moving. There was someone walking beside me, mumbling noises in the background. Everything in my eyesight was filled the golden color, as if we were walking in a ripe wheat field by...
Read more

"Toukan Koukan" ; Exchange of equal value

Image
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is the best of the best anime can offer.  I resolutely stand by this statement, even when there are countless of other animes that can teach us many things such as Gosick, Soul Eater, The Children who Chased Lost Voices, Code Geass, Sword Art Online, Tokyo Ghoul, No 6, and many more I could name. The first moment I finished FMAB, it felt like I had gone through a life and came out in tatters. So much truth put in one series. So much life. Especially when it's adorned with death. When has it not? Life and Death goes hand in hand. The one thing I love the most was the First Law of Alchemy, Equivalent Exchange. It is fair, is it not? To give all and take nothing is arguably noble. Modern people would say it's stupid and wasteful. Wise people would know that there is something more at work than the naked eyes. On the other hand, to take all and give nothing is selfish. No arguments. I don't watch these things for entertainme...
Read more