Not bad enough

Despite having decided to kill myself in another month, Moose keeps trying his best to get me to delay the inevitable. I appreciate his effort, but I've made up my mind. 

 I'm too tired to wait.

 I feel bad about it, sure, but, not bad enough to stop. I'll miss a lot of things too, of course, but not enough to stop. 

 I'm so tired of trying. 
I want to take a break.
And never getting up.
Until the end.

 I can't go back, and I can't move forward. I'm stagnant like this, and I don't have it in me to keep going anymore. I'm so, so tired. 

 Back when I was so full of will to keep trying, I always had a reason. Now that they're gone, I'm set adrift without any will to swim. 
Inhale the water and let me burn.

 I know Moose is trying to keep me afloat, or at least delay the process of me inhaling the water to my lungs. But in this analogy, only one person has ever succeeded, and nobody else can. It's a tale as old as time.

 I'm tired. I'll miss a lot of things, but I'll be sure to say my proper goodbyes. Directly, or indirectly. I love a lot of things, but the hole inside my chest is something only myself can feel. 

Thank you for everything that you've done for me in this life.

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