Pajama Party
Last night was the first time I attended a party that consisted more than 4 people whom I'm comfortable with. Usually, it's not even a question worth answering if I would ever attend such a thing with people I barely tolerate, much less strangers, but considering these people are classmates I've shared 4 unfortunate years together, it's bearable.
At the very least, there are none who I would call strangers in the midst.
My limit of people to be around are normally within 4-5 acquaintances, or preferably, friends. 6 is just pushing it. Although it has to be said that it was very different from the class outing I participated (forced) back on the graduation night of Foundation year in Shah Alam.
That one was an outing, and despite having less acquaintances and more people-whose-face-I-regularly-see-but-do-not-interact-with, I had ample space to be alone and not constricted by physical walls to be trapped around.
This one was an actual in-the-house, food-drinks-around party. It was probably made possible by the fact that all of my classmates are girls, and we have had no reserve to hold back anything from each other after 4 unfortunate years. Well, most of us.
Surprisingly, I had fun. I was able to just talk, laugh, and be in the moment with them. Of course, I had help with coffee aided with high sugar rush afterwards, but it made the night fun and I left without regrets. It was probably something noteworthy to link it back to the lesson we had with Dr. last Thursday about missed opportunities.
We watched a movie, the bloopers from when we had to make a Shakespeare movie, and just random things after. For some reason, one or two of them asked about my relationship status and was inquiring about how I deal with those instances. They asked about my opinion on the experiences I had to deal, and why I do the things I did.
They told me they were impressed how maturely I deal with these things, and my response to that were just chuckles of amusement.
I've said it before and I will say it again.
Whether or not I have a significant other in this life will not make any difference to me.
Sure, I was devastated and broken-hearted when Beloved left. Sure, I make bad decisions by jumping into premature relationships with dickheads in order to satisfy a sadistic desire to hurt someone else along with myself in the pit. Those are only one of of the few among many flaws I try to fix and try to curb as much as I can.
As Lizzo said, it's the human in me.
But you have to admit, at the end of it, I pick myself up and keep on going. Along the way, I had given up, drifted apart, crumbled into a form I could barely recognize as human, wallowed in my misery for as long as I was allowed, and after all of that, I learned a few things.
Upon realizing those things, I made some decisions which contributed to how I currently live.
I'll say this to myself, at least. Change is the only thing that is constant, and it would do me good to adapt to that. Those who do will survive, and I can afford to start new by now.
It's funny because in the recent previous post, I had a breakdown and had cried wishing to be in my sister's arms. I'll acknowledge the fact that I'm human, and sometimes I'm allowed to be weak. It can't be healthy for me to deny my feelings all the time.
I'll allow it, just occasionally.
If I have managed to live without some people in my life before I met them, I can do it again when they leave.
At the very least, there are none who I would call strangers in the midst.
My limit of people to be around are normally within 4-5 acquaintances, or preferably, friends. 6 is just pushing it. Although it has to be said that it was very different from the class outing I participated (forced) back on the graduation night of Foundation year in Shah Alam.
That one was an outing, and despite having less acquaintances and more people-whose-face-I-regularly-see-but-do-not-interact-with, I had ample space to be alone and not constricted by physical walls to be trapped around.
This one was an actual in-the-house, food-drinks-around party. It was probably made possible by the fact that all of my classmates are girls, and we have had no reserve to hold back anything from each other after 4 unfortunate years. Well, most of us.
Surprisingly, I had fun. I was able to just talk, laugh, and be in the moment with them. Of course, I had help with coffee aided with high sugar rush afterwards, but it made the night fun and I left without regrets. It was probably something noteworthy to link it back to the lesson we had with Dr. last Thursday about missed opportunities.
We watched a movie, the bloopers from when we had to make a Shakespeare movie, and just random things after. For some reason, one or two of them asked about my relationship status and was inquiring about how I deal with those instances. They asked about my opinion on the experiences I had to deal, and why I do the things I did.
They told me they were impressed how maturely I deal with these things, and my response to that were just chuckles of amusement.
I've said it before and I will say it again.
Whether or not I have a significant other in this life will not make any difference to me.
Sure, I was devastated and broken-hearted when Beloved left. Sure, I make bad decisions by jumping into premature relationships with dickheads in order to satisfy a sadistic desire to hurt someone else along with myself in the pit. Those are only one of of the few among many flaws I try to fix and try to curb as much as I can.
As Lizzo said, it's the human in me.
But you have to admit, at the end of it, I pick myself up and keep on going. Along the way, I had given up, drifted apart, crumbled into a form I could barely recognize as human, wallowed in my misery for as long as I was allowed, and after all of that, I learned a few things.
Upon realizing those things, I made some decisions which contributed to how I currently live.
I'll say this to myself, at least. Change is the only thing that is constant, and it would do me good to adapt to that. Those who do will survive, and I can afford to start new by now.
It's funny because in the recent previous post, I had a breakdown and had cried wishing to be in my sister's arms. I'll acknowledge the fact that I'm human, and sometimes I'm allowed to be weak. It can't be healthy for me to deny my feelings all the time.
I'll allow it, just occasionally.
If I have managed to live without some people in my life before I met them, I can do it again when they leave.
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