for..get..??

yesterday I talked to Sarah,my cousin.She maybe a year younger than me,but she is the ONLY person who knows this,(well,since she read my blog,it's no wonder she knew)about me and faqie,about the back stabbing thing.I wanted to tell her,who is Faqie..I wanted to describe Faqie to her..But,when I wanted to say it,I got the wrong words with wrong meanings.I wanted to tell her how Faqie had this huge impact in my life,but I can't get the right words..I kept saying "ummm.." or "uh.." like I can't find the right thing to say.Perhaps Faqie is indescribable,but I know her,I know her attitude,her style,her looks,her voices,her tones,and even her handwriting..

Today,I'm alone at home with my little brother because the others went to pick up my sis from her IPG.I was opening my pen drive when I saw a video that I made when I was in the hostel.I opened the video,there was Faqie with her school uniform on a bed in my dorm,at that time we were alone because the others were late.I recorded the whole dormitory,with her laughter echoing the space..Her face,I wondered,how long it has been since I see her face..?? I backed away from the laptop,staring blankly at the video..There was my voice,we were talking,like we used to..My little brother is in a deep sleep and is unaware of my behaviour..I stared at the laptop,and thought..
'how long it has been,since I last saw their faces..?'..Am I,forgetting their faces.?? God,please don't let my stupidity gets to me..

HOLY CRAP!!LISTEN FARAH,YOU ARE NOT FORGETTING THEM!DON'T YOU DARE TO THINK THAT YOU'RE ALREADY FORGETTING THEIR FACES!! YOU REMEMBER THEM IN EVERY SINGLE DAMN SECONDS IN YOUR LIFE! JUST BECAUSE YOU GUYS DIDN'T SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE,DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU'RE FORGETTING EACH OTHER!! REMEMBER WHAT FAQIE TOLD YOU THAT AZWA WAS ASKING FOR YOU ALWAYS AND SHE IS ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOUR RETURN!!

My guts just told me that.I can't believe that my guts is giving me advices,well it was yelling actually,but really..I was THAT low?? even lower than my own guts?? How low actually have I sunk?? I just talked to Faqie a few days ago!! eventhough it feels like years already... (T H T)..

Oh yeah,by the way,Faqie just texted me yesterday,she said she'll call me to tell me the reason she broke up with her fiancee,I don't really get it actually..I mean,they were really meant to be together like,when the were babies! Their parents decided to unite them when they were just a year old! And,when I was still in the hostel,they were really lovey-dovey (from what I heard from her and her fiancee) and suddenly,she told me that they had already broke up and haven't seen each other for months??!! Even so,I can't believe that guy did something to her! I mean,I was like,cursing all day and I feel like killing someone when I found out that the guy had done something to her! But,even if I didn't,faqie would've already killed him,she probably will,but if she didn't then I will!! But she didn't called yet..Faqie,you are always like this!! why wouldn't you let us help you?? she always told me to told her if anything happens,but she wouldn't do the same for me! I was totally freaking out whenever she hides something from us! It's like,she doesn't want us to get worried but she IS worrying us every time she hides the truth from us! why won't she let us to be concern of her?? doesn't she see us as friends?? Yes,I'm happy with her cocerning about me and I'm very grateful for that but I don't want to burden her with all my problems,and I don't want her to be stressed with her own problems that she wants to take all by herself!! doesn't she realises that we wanted to help her?? doesn't she realises that we're doing this beacuse we doubted that she even see us as friends?? doesn't she knows what friends are for??? GGAAAAAHHH~~!!!! faqie,you're really confusing us! don't make us worry about you like this..The burden we felt when you hides something from us is very heavy..Not just something,in fact,I feel that you're hiding EVERYTHING from us..

when will you realise that we are not just for displays only??