Re-learning the silence I loved

Hello.

It's quiet again at nights when Onee-san and Mukhlis aren't home. All this time, it bothered me, the silence I didn't know how to fill in the night, in the room. It wasn't what I remembered the most in my collections of family memories. 
Yes, we share comfortable silence but that and this are different things.
Being alone in a room and having a silent human presence is different.

Outside, I love the silence.
The comforting kind that leaves odd content spaces in your brain.
Whether being with someone or just on my own, peaceful silence are often treasured and welcome in my regards. Even more when it is accompanied with the wonders of books.

This evening hit me with a realization.

I used to love silence.
It was what I loved, as a child, as a teenager, and beyond. Yes, I liked the small chatters and jokes and sometimes, fruitless conversations, but as an introvert, I couldn't quite keep up for the most times. Other than my own small circle of family and friends, opening up to other people just seems tedious and exhausting. Not to mention dangerous.

But now, I have time.
Lots of time, according to my epic degree screw-up.

I should use it well.
Do something inspirational, to me and my own.

And I thought, why not start with beating down my demons?
Make me a free person.
Be my own hero.

I used to be aware of my advantages. Points that I was proud of.
Where did that go?

As I was thrown into the pool of the adult world, slowly everything I knew of myself stripped away. Lost. Faceless. Voiceless.

I will always need my shield, and my walls. 
But I am willing to use them in a more lenient regulations.

Little by little, who knows?
I might have my demons chained and bound and possibly, trained.