It Gets Difficult, but It's to be Expected
*sigh* so, hey y'alls.
Pardon if I sound 120% done but that's 'cause I am. Ha
No, it's nothing big. Just my stupid cramps and the bloodbath in my uterus. Gives a girl cranky moods, yknow. The rollercoaster of moods is to be expected. *nod nod*
I should be posting 18th August 2016 instead, but truth be told, I really don't want to. Why?
Because I feel like I want to keep this for myself. Selfish? Nuh uh. It's my memory. I get to do what I want with it. And I already shared 17th August 2016 so it's more than enough.
So there.
Anyhoo, speaking of rollercoaster of moods, last night was a little bumpy. lol
Relapses are normal. They're to be expected, even. But I won, this time, so, yayyy~
It's not often that they occur during periods because I would've been in hibernating mode but the times they do, it gets a little more difficult than usual.
Somehow it felt like everything was slightly heightened, rather than the usual annoying buzz at the back of my head. Everything that night felt a bit off, and I felt exhausted.
I was drawing and doodling in my sketchpad at the time so I guess it kept me occupied.
When I ran out of scenes and words, I shut it off and proceeded to find something on my laptop to binge-watch. It's imperative in these minutes that I do something with my hands.
It's fine, getting relapses. We all know it's the price to a decent recovery.
All I need to do is to swim when the tides come in, and anticipate when it goes out. Like The Shallows movie we went out to watch together. The depression and self-harming urges are the sharks and the relapses will be the high tide. My vows are the rock I'm stranded on. My saving grace.
And I'll keep having them, these relapses. Up till the moment I no longer do.
But for the time I keep having them, remember that I'll probably win some and lose some.
I'll have welts and marks and bruises, but they shall never be permanent.
Don't worry.
They will be my survivor's scars.
Pardon if I sound 120% done but that's 'cause I am. Ha
No, it's nothing big. Just my stupid cramps and the bloodbath in my uterus. Gives a girl cranky moods, yknow. The rollercoaster of moods is to be expected. *nod nod*
I should be posting 18th August 2016 instead, but truth be told, I really don't want to. Why?
Because I feel like I want to keep this for myself. Selfish? Nuh uh. It's my memory. I get to do what I want with it. And I already shared 17th August 2016 so it's more than enough.
So there.
Anyhoo, speaking of rollercoaster of moods, last night was a little bumpy. lol
Relapses are normal. They're to be expected, even. But I won, this time, so, yayyy~
It's not often that they occur during periods because I would've been in hibernating mode but the times they do, it gets a little more difficult than usual.
Somehow it felt like everything was slightly heightened, rather than the usual annoying buzz at the back of my head. Everything that night felt a bit off, and I felt exhausted.
I was drawing and doodling in my sketchpad at the time so I guess it kept me occupied.
When I ran out of scenes and words, I shut it off and proceeded to find something on my laptop to binge-watch. It's imperative in these minutes that I do something with my hands.
It's fine, getting relapses. We all know it's the price to a decent recovery.
All I need to do is to swim when the tides come in, and anticipate when it goes out. Like The Shallows movie we went out to watch together. The depression and self-harming urges are the sharks and the relapses will be the high tide. My vows are the rock I'm stranded on. My saving grace.
And I'll keep having them, these relapses. Up till the moment I no longer do.
But for the time I keep having them, remember that I'll probably win some and lose some.
I'll have welts and marks and bruises, but they shall never be permanent.
Don't worry.
They will be my survivor's scars.
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