A Tired Heart

I'm tired, okay? I am so tired, of this.
I don't want to bother. I don't want to even feel. I'm just so damn tired, so please, can it stop?
Can you stop?

 Dealing with another heart is too much trouble.
I can't even deal with my own, why would I ever want to deal with another person's?

 Yeah, I'm 21. I'm gonna be 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, and so on till I die. Human grows that way. Old.
What does it matter with finding a lover?
Logically, yeah, I know, someone to take care of you and so on. I know that talk.
Doesn't make it okay to push it on me.

 I AM TIRED.

 The whole liking someone, getting closer, falling in love, being in a relationship, something goes wrong, distancing ourselves, eventually breaking up, I don't care for them. Not right now.
Not with the right person.

 Can't it wait till I'm not tired anymore?
Can't it wait till I'm ready on my own?
I'm not someone who would love easily.

 I will, eventually, I think. I don't know for sure but maybe, eventually, I will love someone.
But not right now. And definitely not someone from my past.
I'm too afraid, that if it were someone like that, I'd irrevocably take them as representation of it, and that's not right. I know myself, and I'm too stubborn otherwise.

 So just leave me alone, alright?
Just..leave me alone, please, for the love of God.

 I'll decide if I'm ready.
I'll decide if I'm not tired anymore.
I'll decide if the trouble was worth the effort.

And even if I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I'll leave it where it's none of my business.
In God's hand.

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