Interventional Coping

It's been a week since the breakup. I'm coping as usual. I went home for a week in Kelantan and went back to Perak again for two weeks because I'm doing a lot more good babysitting Nugget than doing nothing at home. 

 The only thing I hate about the breakup is that I have to get used to not receiving texts every second of my day anymore. It freed up a lot of my space that I have no idea what to do with. Reading manga only gets so far before I can't deal with the memories. Reading fanfics are also the same. Watching marathons sometimes get me through, but most of the time I lose interest in the middle of it. 
After all that, I'm left with sprawled over the bed in a starfish position wondering about the quality of my existence. I'm scared to reach out for fear of being abandoned. I'm scared to abandon those who reached out. It's a runaway situation. 

 So I decided on making some stupid mistakes, just for the hell of it. Blame it on poor impulse control. 
No, I did not text my ex. Don't even have their number or connection anymore, because I think the fuck ahead, aight.
Didn't stop me from wishing they'd come back though. Fucking emotions. Fucking love.
Sigh.

 Aight, this ain't gonna be some moping shit. Can't expect me to bounce in a week after all that devotion for two years. I'll bounce back eventually, but there's gotta be steps. 
Nugget is the only thing holding me together right now. I put him at the fore front of my mind so everything blurs in effect. His schedules, his eating times, bath, brushing teeth, nappy changes, sleep and nap hours, everything. Being at home without nugget would've been a disaster. 

 With Nana watching fucking romance shit all the fucking time when I just wanna watch wild animals butchering small animals like nature ecosystem demands it so. 

 I also wanna watch Hoozuki no Reitetsu, so I could learn a bit from Hoozuki's stoic behaviour and mindset. Apply and adapt. 

 I hate when my chest grows tight with pain and my lips curl in an effort to fake smile even when there's no need to smile at anything. Like I'm lying to myself just for the sake of it. 
I fucking hate it.

 Fuck I wish one night stands are a thing we could for us. Except it's more like one night cuddles. That'll be awesome. 

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