AkImA No NiKkI

Today Nee-san came home. I was happy,I missed her so much . I thought it was a dream,when I woke up and found her sleeping peacefully next to me. Then I saw her bags and knew she was home . But that's not the point. I can't remember. What the hell happened last night? After I finished my homeworks around 12,I was getting ready for bed. Then a pain throbbed in my chest. It twisted , pulled , squirmed ,somewhere near my heart. I don't understand. What happened? Why am I feeling this? Nothing unusual happened today.. Why? What is this pain for? It grew stronger and stronger until I took my blanket and wrapped myself in it. I stiffled the sobs and the tears started rolling. I cried from the pain I don't even know.Because it hurts . I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. I cried and cried until the throbbing pain goes away. Then I felt like I was half-concious.I realize what's happening,but I couldn't grasp ...

Well,not so crazy. Just a bit differences in the routines. On Mondays,I stay back at school for librarian duties.Usually it always ends up me reading a book forgetting about the time to close the library. And usually,I climb the back gate (I wear pants under my skirt) when I go home cuz it's closer to home than the front gate. Growing up with the guys from my neighbourhood,climbing isn't so hard for me.It's practically natural. But today is a little bit hard. Around 3.55,the sky was darkening and I decided it was time to close the library.I woke Fuyuki who was snoring on the book Vampire Plague which she fell asleep halfway through. 4.05,the wind was very strong.I was on my way to the back gate when the wind caught my   'tudung' and the rain poured.It was a storm. I hurried to the nearest hall and took shelter in a secluded storage room when it gets awfully windy and wet. I waited for around half an hour for the rain to slow down.The storage room was emp...

I want to go back. Goddammit I miss them so much I can't stop remembering them. Azwa and Faqie. Wa and Qie. My "wife" and my "daughter". I want to go back to that place,where there were only us. Even after 2 years I stepped out on them,I've never stopped regretting it. I was always seeing that image in my head. That image of them,and me,in our place,but not complete. With Wa and Qie,both "me" was present.Stabil. The one with control and the one with none. It was why I felt so comfortable and at ease with them. Because I would never fear of losing control. After I left,I kept myself from the outside society. I have friends,but both "me" was absent.I felt empty. Until she came. Fuyuki (not real name) . With a faint resemblance to my "daughter",I was immediately attached to her. It's more right to say....That I was attached to her because she reminds me of them. Wa and Qie. Fuyuki is a beautiful girl,but s...

It's Fujimi Orchestra all over again.(T____T|||) I bought an anime called "Hoshi wo Ou Kodomo" yesterday.At first I thought it was one of Hayao Miyazaki-san's works(that I didn't know of.) but turns out it wasn't. I really liked Hayao Miyazaki's works but then,never mind,I thought. It was one helluva a story. Seriously,it was a blast .I cried from the middle till the end. The ending,I wasn't crying from the story's ending.I was crying FOR it.Yeah the story's sad all right but the ending was such a crap I cried harder from frustrations. Goddammit it was Fujimi Orchestra bullshit all over again!! (TT^TT) [frustrated.........] Also,it's been almost 5 days since Mia broke my lappy. Last Tuesday,after I got home at 6.40 p.m from tutition classes,I saw the lappy.Looking so 'dead' and untouched on the table. It was weird .Not normal. When I checked it and couldn't started it,Mom dropped the bomb like you...

Dear people, I was literally pissed off today. I was angry that she (names are not to be displayed to protect the person's identity) won't let us take actions.And I was angry that she looks as if she doesn't trust us to take care of the situation. At first I thought that I was gonna have to act on my own-with back-ups in position. Then he showed up and we combined forces for once.In this case,I know I can trust him explicitly. I trust him because he loves her so much. But as much as I want to take actions,I have to agree with him. We have to wait for the first ignition. Until any move was made,we can't do anything.For the moment,the best we could do is collect informations and keep en eye out for attacks. God I was so pumped I wanted to go their place and kill them all with my bare hands. Let that be a message that NOBODY IS TO MESS WITH HER.IF THEY DARE TO EVEN TOUCH A SINGLE HAIR ON HER THEY ARE GOING TO WISH THEY WERE NEVER BORN. I've already had ...

Hey people. Say,if someone asked you to choose between the person you love and your family,who would you choose? Every person is different in his/her own way.And I without doubt would choose my family.I understand his decision,and as he requested,I respected it. I knew the news would reach me eventually and honestly,it was no surprise.I had predicted this outcome and tho I didn't want it to happen,it wasn't mine to decide.All I could do,is just pray and accept them. I'm sorry for Nee-san's pain. I think I sort of... Understand ,the pain of first true love.I had mine when I was young but I didn't had the clean break situation like Nee-san. And for that,I thank God.She met a better guy for her first love. I want to help her but I wasn't sure that she'd want it.Time passed,and I no longer have clear readings of her mind. I really..want to be there for her..But I'm afraid that she won't accept my presence. Even so,I want her to know that no mat...