AkImA No NiKkI

It's been 3 days since Mom and Dad went.As expected,I cried (wailed actually) just as soon as I got home.I managed to barely contain it when we send them off at the hotel,missed a few tears on the cheeks,deciding that it's better to do it in privacy. When Mia cried for Mom,it was tugging at the water dams. I suppose I was paranoid with their absence.I dreaded the day for months.And I dreaded the next 2 months also,imagining how weird it will be to have my routines scrambled to a more suitable schedule.It's already starting. Having Dibah at home comes as a nice help.At least the presence of another living being calms me down.It relaxes me to know that I still have someone to take care of.Don't ask. Muzakkir is still at home,he goes back to his hostel tomorrow.I can't say whether it's a plus or a minus having him here. He's not really helpful with anything,but,that's practically expectable from any teenager boys his age. *roll eyes* teenagers. I...

why is it that everytime we fight,I'm the one that always end up crying? it's like I can't stand up to her no matter how I try. Her words hurt like always,and I cry myself to sleep like always after our fights.

I sent a few early preparations of something like a last will last night to few who I consider precious to me in my life.It was nothing big,just some sorry-s and all that.Maybe it was a reaction from something that Mom said. They're leaving for Hajji this Wednesday,leaving the house for me alone.Mukhlis and Mia will stay with my aunt,Muzakkir and Onee-san at their hostels. A friend will come and stay with me on school nights with her parents' consent and Onee-san will come home with the kids during weekends. hmmm..... Mom was dead worried about me staying home,even threatened to get me a freaking babysitter if I don't find someone to stay over with. Thank God I did. I'm okay with all this stuff,but watching Mom fusses over my safety kinda got me worried,too.The neighbourhood's not really that safe.I get why's she worried. Well,my house HAD been broken into,twice.And so did my neighbour,once.Though nobody got hurt,we did lose some valuables...

Trial's over for a few days now.So not interested in seeing the marks,just in case I puke from fear.Who knows? I may or may not have done well like I thought I did. Just had a fight with Kyo last night. Gah. What is wrong with that guy? For all the time I knew him,we've fought a lot of times.Usually because of misunderstanding on both parts.I don't understand his perception as he does not mine. I don't know what do we do during these fights.Do we let them dissolve in time or strain to solve it there and then? Besides,he likes to bring up things. We've been friends since we were,what,10? something like that.I figured we could never work because of the too big of a difference between us,but,hey,it did. I was brute (well,still kinda am.) and ignorant while he was the shy,untalkative,geeky kind of kid.It didn't seem like we'd click. Which is why it surprised the hell outta me when he tried to befriend me.It was freaking weird. The clincher of our fight...

I should think as these as obstacles,shouldn't I? I mean,it's a bit..familiar,with some things we read on the newspaper or something. I'm in the middle of my SPM Trial and I've only got a few more days to go.Just as long as I can hold up until then,it should all be fine.Everything should be alright. It doesn't matter that I've started to pick up the obvious simptoms of a fever,just like last time on our mid-year exam.The flu'll get pass. It's Mia who's on my head right now. Sure she's a brat for her age,4 and whatnot.But I'd still love her the same as I'd love all my siblings.Even Muzakkir who'd been the black sheep of the family since he was her age. I would worry all the same if any one of us is sick. And Mia is extremely sick. Having to stay at the hospital is the worst point I could think.She may be annoying at times,a trait she dearly inherited from her oldest brother,but she's still our lovable little sister.Of course...

Gah.I'm in the middle of Trial SPM. Is it weird that I would have cravings now?Of course not. *roll eyes* It's perfectly understandable that I should crave those of which I cannot have for now.Because I'm HUMAN .And human craves what they cannot have.Even for now. Which is to read. GOD,I WANT TO READ. No,I don't mean textbooks though those ARE the things I should be reading now,I meant the books I have just recently acquired from Popular.I swear we go there often enough the workers would have recognized us immediately.I would be one of those regular customers.My hands are practically itching to hold them. Especially Elegy .It's the end of the Watersong series ! Dx How can I NOT itch to read it??!! DDXX Oh God please speed up the time and get this whole SPM thing over with so that I can finally get my hands on those books. They look so lonely and cold without me!!   Gaaaaarrrggghhhh~~~  Isn't reading a noble past-time?? Why aren't I allowed to...